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Anyone with Depression want to share?


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So, there are threads for this in schizophrenia, bipolar, dissociative disorder, and eating disorder lands so I thought I'd make one for depression. Here you can share how your depression is, how you're feeling, ups, downs, etc... 

 

I'll start. Lately, I've been feeling much better, but a tiny bit of my depression keeps clinging on.

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Realising that I actually can't remember what not being depressed is like, and it is what it is. Half of me is grateful I'm not in that hellish pit of a major depressive episode, and the other half wants to punch life in the face because it sucks being chronic, even if its manageable.

 

I get menses related dips (or highs, which are somehow worse because I feel uncontrollable), but thats just the joys of uterine ownership. I'm not sure I'd call them depression flashes though, although maybe the diary idea would give you a clue?

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Bipolar here so sorry for posting, but just posting to say to water that I also experience depression flashes, they suck. 

You do?? Please, tell me about them. i think it is relevant to this topic.

 

Did you read what I wrote in Jarn's topic? We could discuss it there. maybe a better place? Jarn also has bipolar.

 

 

 

I guess.  I just don't know what to say about being depressed.  I'm depressed, I'm in pain, but there's no reason for it, so what are you going to do?  Maybe that's something to discuss with tdoc.  

THere is usually little reason for depression. For me, my life is great, my house is lovely, my art is beautiful, I am a good mom. Then WHAM, down the rabbit hole, my life is shit, my art is awful, I am a terrible mom. No reason at all. NOthing has changed in my life.

 

You don't deserve to be in pain and be depressed.  Definitely tdoc can help. Meds are not the cure all unfortunately. I wish.  

 

I cannot emphasize enough how my OWN work has done as much good for me as the meds. I can't live without meds, but....I still get depressed. And there is no one in the this universe that can ever convince me I will NEVER get depressed. It just is. Like you say. Some people live with skin cancer. I live with depression.

 

But....like you....I have a functional life. My meds work, mostly, and I do my very best to stay on top of my illness.

 

The short depressions, which for me are depression flashes, have NEVER left. Ever, ever, every.  Every week, sometimes everyday, I drop into the rabbit hole. Not dysthymia, full blow Major Depression Disorder. MDDDDDD.  Right now for the first time in my life, I am finding triggers for every flash. These triggers don't always trigger. If I am doing great then the trigger hits like a shotgun, I immediately find the black hole that goes back to my childhood, and the depression flash dissapates.

 

If I am stressed, over tired, not happy in general, anxious, then I don't even notice the trigger. I sink and sink and sink and sink. Sometimes from morning to night, most often starting around 3pm. No hope, Nothing at all will get me out of the rabbit hole. Not even pot. I get a book and go to sleep as soon as I can manage.

 

When  I wake up, I am vulnerable, scared and nervous that the rabbit hole is still there but often enough it is gone.

 

Your short depressions are different but similar?

 

http://www.crazyboards.org/forums/index.php/topic/73664-short-depressions/page-2#entry811442

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i found some journal entries i wrote two years ago. and my depression hasn't ever gone away and things haven't ever gotten better. it feels like my life has been one extended major depressive episode. and i suspect that's the truth. it's so discouraging.

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No depression diagnosis fo rme but I've had low-grade, chronic depression for as long as I remember. To me, it's often like a physical conditon where I feel like heavy weights are on mybody and I feel extreme fatigue. I remember in fact learnign about this malingering screening instrument where they hav eyou tick off symptoms that really most people don't experience so if you say you do, you're a faker. One of t hem was "Sometimes I feel so depressed that I want to go to bed and sleep in". I actually would say resounding YES to this one. I don't experience insomnia with my depression, after all; inf act,w hen I'm insomniac, it usually means I'm feelign slightly better.

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I just don't understand how it is i can have had depression constantly for five frickin years, you hear people who get it for a few months then it goes, and never comes back. Before the five year hell i had moderate depression for as long as i remember.

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I'd thought I'd been depressed since I was around 14, which is pretty shit, but I heard a pop song from 2007 the other day that I used to use to intentionally trigger myself and realised that that whole thing started when I was like 12. Seven years. How the fuck am I even alive.

 

It's okay, though. I'm so out of it now that I don't even care as much as I should.

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