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Anyone with Depression want to share?

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Thought I'd bring this thread back, I'm doing okay, still daily suicidal thoughts but I'm stronger than my thoughts! 

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24 minutes ago, Asho2345 said:

Thought I'd bring this thread back, I'm doing okay, still daily suicidal thoughts but I'm stronger than my thoughts! 

That is an excellent attitude to have! I've got to remember that.

As far as how I'm doing, I've got a lot of stress in my life right now. Like unbelievable amount.

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4 hours ago, jt07 said:

That is an excellent attitude to have! I've got to remember that.

As far as how I'm doing, I've got a lot of stress in my life right now. Like unbelievable amount.

Anything in particular or just general stress?

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Lots of specific things which I'd rather not go into, but yeah, things that can cause my anxiety meter to go from 0 to 100 instantaneously. Plus, my father is quite seriously ill.

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1 minute ago, jt07 said:

Lots of specific things which I'd rather not go into, but yeah, things that can cause my anxiety meter to go from 0 to 100 instantaneously. Plus, my father is quite seriously ill.

I'm sorry to hear about your father, my thoughts are with you, hopefully some of those things improve :D 

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4 hours ago, jt07 said:

Lots of specific things which I'd rather not go into, but yeah, things that can cause my anxiety meter to go from 0 to 100 instantaneously. Plus, my father is quite seriously ill.

I'm sorry about your father being really ill, plus all the stress you are under. 

The only advice I have at the moment is to make sure to get enough sleep.  I know that is easier said than done, so do your best.  Lack of sleep may make all the stressful things you are dealing with 100x worse.

I hope things start to calm down in your life soon.

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Well my gf barely talked to me today and when she did she just asked me about a girl im friends with on facebook who i dont even know and have never talked too, then telling me to go away, i dont even know what i did, i hate everything about me, why do i always fuck up, and here come the suicidal thoughts and urges to SH, at school i think people are standing behind me and i see their shadows, also hearing voices, not that much but more than usual, i can feel myself getting worse, i dont know why, im doing everything i can to get better, im hopeless, trying so hard to be positive but its getting me nowhere

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3 minutes ago, Asho2345 said:

Well my gf barely talked to me today and when she did she just asked me about a girl im friends with on facebook who i dont even know and have never talked too, then telling me to go away, i dont even know what i did, i hate everything about me, why do i always fuck up, and here come the suicidal thoughts and urges to SH, at school i think people are standing behind me and i see their shadows, also hearing voices, not that much but more than usual, i can feel myself getting worse, i dont know why, im doing everything i can to get better, im hopeless, trying so hard to be positive but its getting me nowhere

You are not hopeless!  Do you have a therapist to talk to about all of this?  Or a pdoc?  It sounds very stressful and distressing.  I can relate to holding in a lot of stressful information for a long time.  It was such a relief when I started therapy years ago and I just let it all out (therapy was a long process though).  It took a huge weight off of my shoulders.  I hope things start getting better for you.

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Just now, melissaw72 said:

You are not hopeless!  Do you have a therapist to talk to about all of this?  Or a pdoc?  It sounds very stressful and distressing.  I can relate to holding in a lot of stressful information for a long time.  It was such a relief when I started therapy years ago and I just let it all out (therapy was a long process though).  It took a huge weight off of my shoulders.  I hope things start getting better for you.

yeh i have a pdoc and a therapist, maybe I'll go in to see my therapist tomorrow, me too :), i dont know how much longer i can just keep taking it a day at a time, its exhausting

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37 minutes ago, Asho2345 said:

yeh i have a pdoc and a therapist, maybe I'll go in to see my therapist tomorrow, me too :), i dont know how much longer i can just keep taking it a day at a time, its exhausting

I agree, it is very exhausting. I'm glad you have a therapist to talk to, as well as a pdoc!  I hope you are able to get in to see your tdoc soon :)

If by chance you can't get an appt right away, you might want to try writing stuff down, even if in note form, so you will know exactly what you want to say when you see your tdoc.  Before I wrote stuff down, I always wasted time at the beginning trying to say what I wanted to because I was always drawing a blank for some reason.

Writing also seems to me like a stress-reliever ... it lets my brain rest afterwards because I don't have the thoughts in my head anymore (I mean you still have them, but they aren't piling up on top of other things that might be happening) because they are now on paper, which will be a reminder of what you want to talk about when you see your therapist.

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Just now, melissaw72 said:

I agree, it is very exhausting. I'm glad you have a therapist to talk to, as well as a pdoc!  I hope you are able to get in to see your tdoc soon :)

If by chance you can't get an appt right away, you might want to try writing stuff down, even if in note form, so you will know exactly what you want to say when you see your tdoc.  Before I wrote stuff down, I always wasted time at the beginning trying to say what I wanted to because I was always drawing a blank for some reason.

Writing also seems to me like a stress-reliever ... it lets my brain rest afterwards because I don't have the thoughts in my head anymore (I mean you still have them, but they aren't piling up on top of other things that might be happening) because they are now on paper, which will be a reminder of what you want to talk about when you see your therapist.

writing definitely helps me remember what i want to say, i have a nifty little notebook that i write stuff down in

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5 hours ago, melissaw72 said:

I'm sorry about your father being really ill, plus all the stress you are under. 

The only advice I have at the moment is to make sure to get enough sleep.  I know that is easier said than done, so do your best.  Lack of sleep may make all the stressful things you are dealing with 100x worse.

I hope things start to calm down in your life soon.

Thanks, melissa.

Ash: You are not hopeless and you did nothing wrong. Try not to always assume that you are the problem. It sounds to me like the problem is with your gf.

 

I am about dead in this heat and humidity. We went weather-wise from April to July with no intermediate state.

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Heartaches, tight throat, can't breathe and can't think. I don't want to live. It's eating me and I can't beat it. It keeps telling me that I'm worthless and no one likes me. I don't like to feel that way 

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4 minutes ago, Unknown Dude said:

Heartaches, tight throat, can't breathe and can't think. I don't want to live. It's eating me and I can't beat it. It keeps telling me that I'm worthless and no one likes me. I don't like to feel that way 

Nobody would like to feel that way. It's a lousy way to live. I know we've suggested it before, but please look into getting a pdoc if you haven't one. You really need help, and believe me it is impossible to beat this beast without help.

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4 hours ago, jt07 said:

Nobody would like to feel that way. It's a lousy way to live. I know we've suggested it before, but please look into getting a pdoc if you haven't one. You really need help, and believe me it is impossible to beat this beast without help.

I know I need help. I don't want to feel better because I'm not worth it and never will 

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52 minutes ago, Unknown Dude said:

I know I need help. I don't want to feel better because I'm not worth it and never will 

Well, I think you are worth it. I'll bet if we took a poll of this site, 100% would say that you are worth it. The depression is telling you that you are not worth it. Depression lies. It lies all the time. Don't listen to your depression. Please get help. I promise you that once you get help, you will begin to see that you are indeed worth it and have been all the while.

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I didn't know this topic existed. I always wondered because I saw the ones for other MI. I'm glad it was brought back to life.

I sleep to cope, but it does nothing to help with my depression. I sleep so I don't have to be alive type of thing.

I slept until 2 today and then fell back asleep on the couch until 5. 

Now the day is almost over and I got nothing done. It makes me feel like shit. I think of all the "normal" people that are outside enjoying the day. I beat myself up over it. 

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1 hour ago, taramisue said:

I didn't know this topic existed. I always wondered because I saw the ones for other MI. I'm glad it was brought back to life.

I sleep to cope, but it does nothing to help with my depression. I sleep so I don't have to be alive type of thing.

I slept until 2 today and then fell back asleep on the couch until 5. 

Now the day is almost over and I got nothing done. It makes me feel like shit. I think of all the "normal" people that are outside enjoying the day. I beat myself up over it. 

maybe you could set yourself a little goal each day if you feel up to it, like maybe bake something or go for a walk, whatever you want to do if you feel up to it

Hope you feel better :D 

Asho

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2 minutes ago, Asho2345 said:

maybe you could set yourself a little goal each day if you feel up to it, like maybe bake something or go for a walk, whatever you want to do if you feel up to it

Hope you feel better :D 

Asho

Thank you, Asho.

I am doing this in therapy. I write down 3 mini-goals for the week. 

The weekends are a lot harder for me, especially the weekends when I don't have my son. 

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16 minutes ago, taramisue said:

Thank you, Asho.

I am doing this in therapy. I write down 3 mini-goals for the week. 

The weekends are a lot harder for me, especially the weekends when I don't have my son. 

I hope you have a really great week this week!

 

As far as me, im not feeling very good today, at school now so Im proud of myself that I made it to school, tdoc appointment this afternoon so hoping that goes well

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