Starting this thread because boredom, idleness, lack of stimulation is often a key trigger of depression and bad habits. When I get bored, I feel an emptiness, uselessness and physical/mental lethargy, cue ruminations, then I sleep excessively. This isn't always fatigue: It's an automatic (and very negative) avoidance behavior.
This link lists 150 ideas (from high effort to minimal effort - from "fun" to mundane) in order to build healthier habits. I need to stop waiting to "feel good" before taking any action. Any thoughts?
Journaled, Cleaned my desktop, Backed up computer, unsubscribed to some junk email, Did some stretching, called a relative, dealt with an admin issue, read some blogs about depression, provided some words of support/appreciation for someone.
Hello good people
First post on CrazyBoards and I apologize if this isn't in the right section.
I'm a 37yr old male, single and financially stable. However since the last few years, my emotional health seems to be on a steady decline and has now reached a stage which is starting to freak me out.
I don't have a traumatic past per se (in terms of physical or mental abuse), even though I had a spell of extremely stressful months 4 yrs ago when my dad passed away after a long drawn battle with bacterial meningitis. I don't know if that is a part of the problem but I'm yet to come to terms with it.
I have always been a happy go lucky kinda guy. I still try to be jovial around friends but I believe that's just a defense mechanism, subconsciously I perhaps don't want them to sense that something might be wrong with me and so I end up talking more than I should just to cover up. Again this isn't intentional, but something I can't control either.
Apart from this, I have insomnia and am always agitated. I smile but I'm not happy, neither sad. It just that nothing affects me anymore. I keep myself away from people and friends because I don't want to pass on the misery to them and secondly, I fear that I might say something that would end up hurting them. I flip out at the slightest of provocation.
I work from home so technically I don't have to go to work but still this is affecting my work. I don't even feel like talking to anyone for the same reasons I don't want to meet friends.
I'm starting to really hate myself for being this way. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Honestly, I don't even know why I'm writing all this, maybe I just needed to vent anonymously without having the fear of being judged.
Thanks for reading my rant and I apologize if this pisses off your mood in any way.
For too long, I was doing horribly. Multiple hospitalizations, mostly for PTSD and bipolar depression. Well a few weeks ago I started therapy with a great therapist that accepts medicaid. Her office has a giant window that looks over Lake Michigan and that almost makes me happier than the therapy itself. Well anyways, we've been doing standard talk therapy and CBT and the more I talk, the more my issues seem less important. The arguments with family, the anger at my landlord, etc. They just seem less important and don't bother me anymore.I haven't been to a therapist in a year and a half because I thought it was pointless and didn't help but I guess I never found the right therapist (with an awesome view while pouring my guts out.) I also switched from geodon to seroquel 150mg so that is helping too. I am able to drink coffee again without panic and anxiety. I am gaining more interest in things like video games, reaading, coloring. Whereas before I couldn't even shower or brush my teeth. I just stared into space for hours. I really hope this lasts. I've never felt so normal in awhile. I've stayed at depression centers for weeks and months, ptsd trauma center for over a month. Nothing did it. Maybe this is just a fluke and eventually it will peeter out, but I'm hoping for the best. Wish me luck!
I am a hedonist which means that feelings of pleasure are the only things that define my life as good (even though I still have full empathy and compassion towards my family and other innocent people as well). However, it is actually only my own feelings of pleasure that define my personal life as good and nothing else since I am only in my own mind and not in the minds of others and cannot feel their pleasure. Me somehow experiencing pleasure from witnessing someone else experiencing pleasure is not me experiencing their feelings of pleasure. It is all still my own personal feelings of pleasure. Therefore, this is the reason why only my own feelings of pleasure define my personal life as good and nothing else. Me living on to help out others in the event that my feelings of pleasure could never recover would not make my life worth living at all and wouldn't give my life any sense of good value. It would be good for them, but not for my own personal life. I am just as important as any other innocent person and I deserve my life of pleasure, too. Balance is key here and I must have my good life to live while others have their good lives to live and are helped out by me.
Before you even try to convince me that there are other good things that can make my life good and worth living besides my feelings of pleasure and before you even try to change my thinking, I am not a part of your world and am not a part of your moral values. We might interact, but that doesn't mean I am a part of your moral values. They might apply in a physical sense in that you can choose to do whatever physical actions you want to me that will affect me physically. However, your morals do not apply to me in the sense of me adhering to them and living by them. Except for rules such as on a forum website which I will adhere to. I may be a part of this community in a physical sense. But I am not a part of this community in a moral sense.
Therefore, the things one might say such as that I am selfish or some crybaby do not apply to me and neither do the things I'm saying apply to these people either. We are both parallel universes here. The non-hedonistic advice one might give are like a straight parallel line that does not intersect with me and doesn't apply to me. Same thing for my hedonistic values in that they also do not apply to you either. Therefore, we should instead go about our own ways of life here and respect each others ways of life since I am not harming/demeaning anyone with my hedonistic life. What you would deem as harm/disrespect is different than what I would deem as harm/disrespect. Therefore, not even your idea of harm/disrespect applies to me either. So that is why we should instead go about our own ways of life and respect each others ways of life. Therefore, you should respect the idea that if my feelings of pleasure don't ever recover, then I would end my life. You should, therefore, not tell me anything here that my life can still be good and worth living without my feelings of pleasure.
Any other form of scorn/mockery towards me also does not apply to me either. Therefore, it would just simply be pointless for you to have any sort of scorn, name-calling, etc. towards me. You can if you want to. But it would all just go off into a parallel line and wouldn't even apply to me. Also, any things that anyone else says that my life can still be good and worth living without my feelings of pleasure, that doesn't apply to me either. Even if it did somehow apply, then it would only be infringing upon my way of life which would be my life of pleasure I deserve to have and must have back. A life of pleasure is the only thing I came into existence for and noting else. That is my own personal life here and you do not disrespect that by giving me scorn, mockery, or name-calling.
I have lost all my feelings of pleasure due to anhedonia which is a negative symptom of schizophrenia and also due to depression. It really gets to me when people tell me that there are other good things I can live for in my life besides my pleasure because there aren't any. I am not selfish in saying this and I still have full respect and compassion towards others even when saying this. I have every reason to believe that my feelings of pleasure are the only things that can define my personal life as being good. I wish to talk this out with someone who is fully compassionate and respectful who will listen to me and not just dismiss the things I'm saying, tell me that my writing is offensive, have disappointment or scorn towards me, etc. Therefore, I am going to begin by saying this:
As for the idea of me solely living for others if I could never recover my pleasure, we all have personal good lives of our own we need to attend to and need to have. For example, I do things for my own self and my own life such as playing videogames which doesn't involve helping others. But the only thing that could make those sort of things I do for myself (my hobbies) anything good in my personal life is if I can derive feelings of pleasure from them. Therefore, it is like taking away all my personal hobbies and my own personal life and then telling me to just accept that, to just forget my personal life, and to instead just live for others and for other things instead. Therefore, do you not see why that would obviously make me psychotic? It would make any innocent and caring person psychotic. Feelings of pleasure are the only reward message to the brain and are the only things that tell us that our lives are good and worth living. Therefore, my feelings of pleasure are the only things that make my life and hobbies worth doing and pursuing. Don't believe me when I say that feelings of pleasure are the only "good" messages to the brain and are the only things that genuinely encourage us in life and encourage our survival? Then go ask an intelligent scientist or an evolutionary biologist. Sure, we could tell ourselves that our lives are good and worth living without our feelings of pleasure. But that is nothing more than just some thought. It is not that "good" message (feelings of pleasure). We could recognize certain situations as being good or bad and we could very well choose to help others and such without our feelings of pleasure. But the fact still remains that they are nothing more than just thoughts. They are not that "good" message as I said before. They are just simply thoughts of good and bad and not the actual messages of good and bad. The message of good obviously being feelings of pleasure while the message of bad obviously being feelings of suffering.
When we do something good or bad, then that gives us actual feelings of pleasure and suffering. Why is that? It's not just because they are just feelings that "just happen." They are messages to the brain that tell us that what we are doing is good or bad since that is how we evolved. Therefore, to not have any feelings of pleasure due to depression or anhedonia, then there is no message telling you that your life is good and worth living and you would only be fooling yourself by thinking that your life is good and worth living through your thoughts and such alone without your feelings of pleasure. Same thing applies for feelings of suffering in that you would not be having any message telling you that what you are doing in life is bad or that your life is bad.
There is a feeling version of good and bad and there is the thought version of good and bad. The thought version of good and bad without our feelings of pleasure and suffering are fake. They are not the true good and bad. Only our feelings of pleasure and suffering give us the good and bad message. Then there is empathy and compassion here as well. Those things also come in the form of feelings of pleasure or feelings of suffering. If you help someone out, then you feel good and that is a form of empathy and compassion. If you feel bad from hurting someone, then that is a form of empathy and compassion as well. Those feelings are what tell us what is good and bad in life. But without our feelings of pleasure or suffering, then there is nothing giving us the good or bad message. Therefore, you choosing to live for others anyway and to help them out in life despite your absence of pleasure wouldn't make your life anything good at all and wouldn't be any perceived good message at all. It would only be just a thought as I've said before. It's the thought of a good message towards others, but isn't the actual perceived good message.