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Coping with life. Feeling selfish and lazy


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 I look after a 14 month old baby girl from Tuesday to Friday. She's a very easy child to take care of, most of the time. Sometimes I get stressed out, especially now that she is older and can get from A to B very quickly. You would need eyes in the back of your head with her. I still absolutely adore her regardless. However I know I could not handle children full time, in other words I do not want to be a mother as I have limited coping skills, even when my mood is stable

 

So I am free from the responsibilities of child minding 3 days a week, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. I need these days SO much I tend to stay home, often in my pyjamas, having  long lie ins, enjoying the isolation. Sometimes things are different and I have to go out and that throws a spanner in the works. I need my space, my routine and being without responsibilities for at least half of the time.

 

So if somebody throws a spanner in the works I don't cope well. For example my cousin asked me to take care of her kids this Saturday, which in my view is "my time, my space". I got really upset initially stressing out over it but eventually I became more rational and texted back to say I would. Part of my reason for not wanting to mind them is because I mind a child all week and don't really want to do it on a Saturday too. And I have to go out to a fundraising table quiz on Saturday evening, which for me was enough of an outing for one day.

 

I look at other people who cope with hectic schedules and busy lives and they cope remarkably well. Yet I get thrown off balance very easily stressing out and getting anxious.

 

Just wondering how other people with bipolar cope with every day life. Are you like me, struggling, or can you function very well.

 

I am trying to figure out if this is a bipolar thing or is just me.

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Selfish and lazy!!  That is soooooo me!!!

 

I hate when I have to volunteer at the school or do something that takes me away from my internet and pajamas.

 

I don't know if it is bipolar or just plain laziness.

 

But I also know that kids make you really appreciate what time you've got to yourself.  So maybe its that.

 

I look at other people who cope with hectic schedules and busy lives and they cope remarkably well. Yet I get thrown off balance very easily stressing out and getting anxious.

 

 

 

I know, right.

Edited by larali
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I get stressed out really easily if my days involve leaving my home.  I can deal with leaving for DR appts and to do errands, but otherwise I get stressed out and don't have a good time wherever i am and with what I am doing.  I've learned to say "no" a lot more over the years. 

 

I can't see myself being a mom either.  I can't deal with kids all the time.  Kind of ironic, seeing how for 17 years I did take care of them, sometimes 4 kids at once ... in one family. 

 

The worst was when I babysat for this awesome baby, and I loved their family, paid me really well ... the worst was when they said they were expecting a 3rd baby, making it so that all the kids were under 3 years old, all in diapers still.  I had to stop babysitting for them after the baby was born because I'd get so stressed out.  That was around the time I was getting bad anxiety attacks, and it all snowballed, so I ended watching children for good then.  Over the years, when the medications started, was when I really couldn't handle/tolerate it as much.  I had no patience left.

 

I also worked in a daycare in a health club, which involved up to 20 kids all under the age of 5, and had no problem doing it (with another person).  Idk how I did it all.  Now, I just can not deal with kids.  I love my niece and nephews, and can deal with them, especially now that they are "older" and can do things for themselves, and have matured a little.

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I'm actually relieved I had my children before I was diagnosed, or I would have been seriously over thinking if it was a good idea. It was a hard first few years though.

I was talking with a friend (well, acquaintance) who is a kindergarten teacher, and has children the same age as mine. We were talking about the difference between looking after other people's children and our own. She said "I can be calm and cheerful all day, and then come home and get grumpy over nothing, it's like I am bipolar". I laughed my head off. I guess she just thinks I think she's hilarious...

I generally only feel selfish and lazy when I'm a bit low. The rest of the time I am selfish and OK with it :)

(Edited for appalling punctuation )

Edited by Katg10
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Wanting time to yourself doesn't make you a selfish, lazy person. Everyone wants that-it's why we invented the weekend. Interruptions regarding looking after kids are particularly energy-sucking. Even if they're yours. Everyone needs a break.

I don't like disruptions in my routine at all, but I think that's the Asperger's talking more than the bipolar.

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Also, I would find it particularly frustrating to do more of my job over the weekend, if that makes sense. Like, if I watched kids during the week (and believe me, I have mega respect for you for doing that, because I SO couldn't), I wouldn't want to do it again on the weekend, though I might not mind so much if someone asked for my help emptying some boxes out of their garage, e.g.

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I suppose the reason why I feel bad is my Mum. She is 62 and she works full time as a home support worker caring for the elderly. She works very irregular hours and is involved in so much stuff outside of work. I look at her and I feel like a lazy sod. The truth is I simply cannot cope with too much activity, such as work, study,too many commitments even being with people. I struggle a lot with motivation and avoid doing too much and as a result feel lazy. If I do too much and don't have "down time" I am likely to relapse but most people don't understand that

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I'm exactly as you are describing!  I have a set routine which revolves around having my son the first half of the week, then I don't have him Fri-Sun.  Even though it's not that stressful when he's around, and I look forward to him being here because it gives me the routine of taking him to school and picking him up, feeding him and putting him to bed, I then NEED those alone days to decompress.  Anything different that gets thrown into the mix increases my stress level and thus my symptoms.  Last Sunday I had his birthday party at my house, then Monday and Tuesday we worked long hours on his science fair project, then Thursday I had a new Pdoc appt then a bipolar group in the evening, then yesterday went to a potluck for this group I've gotten involved with (I'm really trying to get out and be more social).  So for me this was a BUSY week, and damn, I don't even work!  And yes, I look at my mom whom is 70, still works, takes her dogs to the dog park every day, and is involved in so many activities, and I feel like a lazy bum.  But I just know from experience that if I don't take advantage of all the down days alone at home that I can possibly take, it will wreak havoc on my moods.  So yes, I know where you are coming from!

 

I have to say, I've never heard the term "throws a spanner in the works".  I can guess what it means, just never heard it ;)

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I have to say, I've never heard the term "throws a spanner in the works".  I can guess what it means, just never heard it ;)

 

Maybe it's an Irish statement!! It means to do something that prevents a plan or activity from succeeding

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I have to say, I've never heard the term "throws a spanner in the works".  I can guess what it means, just never heard it ;)

 

Maybe it's an Irish statement!! It means to do something that prevents a plan or activity from succeeding

 

 

A spanner is what Americans call a wrench. Read in that light, it's not just an Irish statement.

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Rowan77, I actually admire you. Taking care of kids is one of the most stressful and difficult jobs there is. You deserve your time off and you deserve to spend it any way you like. I wish I had half of your motivation.

 

The only thing that is keeping me going is that this child minding job is only temporary, which is a good thing, just 4 more weeks. I could never cope with this job long term

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I used to feel lazy because I do hardly anything compared to others (especially my mom).  Then think of my limitations, and almost everything it seems, sets me in to some level of anxiety and just makes things worse.  So when I feel lazy, I think of the consequences if I actually do (whatever it is).  And if I think things through, and realize how it will affect me, then it doesn't always make me feel as bad.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I look at other people who cope with hectic schedules and busy lives and they cope remarkably well. Yet I get thrown off balance very easily stressing out and getting anxious.

 

Just wondering how other people with bipolar cope with every day life. Are you like me, struggling, or can you function very well.

 

I am trying to figure out if this is a bipolar thing or is just me.

 

I also wonder how other people go about their busy lives without cracking up.  I have friends who are so incredibly creative and productive, it makes me feel like a slug.  My meds sapped my creativity long ago and I miss the outlet.  But just every day things, like keeping house and running errands, I wonder how people do that without it being stressful (maybe it is and I just don't know it).  And it doesn't take much to disrupt what routine I do have.

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I had no idea this was a bipolar thing.  I thought that I just couldn't deal with the world the way that everyone else seems to be able to.  I work full-time in a low-stress job and even just that by itself is so exhausting that it's often hard to do anything else, even enjoyable things.  All I want to do is stay home and read and craft and be by myself.  And if other things are stressing me out, forget it.  I moved recently and it led to meltdowns every day after work for a week.

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Rowan, don't feel like you're selfish and lazy! Everyone needs some "me" time, and some of us need more than others. It's understandable that you'd need it, since you spend most of your week putting the child before your own needs.


As for me, I get stressed out easily by academics, working too much, or having too many household chores. I don't cope very well with these things- I quit jobs, let my grades slip, and leave the house a mess. For some reason working doesn't stress me out (even when I've worked fast-paced jobs as a grill cook or barista.) However, not having time at home to relax has stressed me out enough to make me quit most of the jobs I've ever had. I think the best way I've coped is by working limited hours (3-4 days a week) and not attending school and working at the same time. That was when I did best. I need a lot of down time, or else I get burnt out.


 

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