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I'm feeling over-stimulated from Thanksgiving festivities today. I was only out for around 3 hours but now I can't seem to wind down mentally.

I keep wondering if I said or did anything wrong, and wondering why everyone's faces looked angry. Everyone's faces always seem angry and hateful with me.

I am so paranoid all the time. 

Like asking my boyfriend constantly if I said or did something wrong or criminal, or if people heard me say something through the walls to make them mad at me.

I can't even feel completely safe in my own home. 

I remember recently, when a maintenance person came to our home to fix something, and I couldn't get to the bedroom without him seeing me, so I hid in the laundry room til they left.

 

Wow, I'm a loser... I have no friends either. I have nothing going for me.

 

Who acts like this? Ugh, I see why people hate me. I'm so stupid.

 

This is so exhausting mentally.

 

I keep thinking this is some form of OCD and psychosis mixed up but I don't have an official dx of OCD... but mentions of OCD-type behavior are in my records.

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I was thinking of making an earlier appt and maybe asking for something prn for anxiety to get through the holidays... does that sound stupid?? Today was exhausting.

 

One year, I didn't go to my families house at all for Christmas. I just couldn't face it. The anxiety was too high and I stayed in the bed all day. Than the family demanded to know why I didn't come over and accused me of being suicidal.

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Okay, so it doesn't sound bad to ask for anxiety medication? He prescribed me Xanax before when I was working part-time and having panic attacks all the time. But the low dose of Xanax didn't help much. He took me off it and said he than thinks the anxiety is psychosis-related. Than said that the Xanax made me more depressed.

 

Thank you.

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as far as what medication prn to take, that would be up to your pdoc. but i don't think that it's silly to ask for something at all. say you're having XYZ symptom. if it's psychosis related, than maybe something needs to be done to supplement your AP. if it's anxiety, then there are anti-anxiety options. regardless, you don't need to suffer.

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I'm feeling over-stimulated from Thanksgiving festivities today. I was only out for around 3 hours but now I can't seem to wind down mentally.

I keep wondering if I said or did anything wrong, and wondering why everyone's faces looked angry. Everyone's faces always seem angry and hateful with me.

I am so paranoid all the time. 

Like asking my boyfriend constantly if I said or did something wrong or criminal, or if people heard me say something through the walls to make them mad at me.

I can't even feel completely safe in my own home. 

I remember recently, when a maintenance person came to our home to fix something, and I couldn't get to the bedroom without him seeing me, so I hid in the laundry room til they left.

 

Wow, I'm a loser... I have no friends either. I have nothing going for me.

 

Who acts like this? Ugh, I see why people hate me. I'm so stupid.

 

This is so exhausting mentally.

 

I keep thinking this is some form of OCD and psychosis mixed up but I don't have an official dx of OCD... but mentions of OCD-type behavior are in my records.

 

Have you explained these feeling to your doctor in so many words, just like this?

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Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Your pdoc works for you. I highly doubt that he doesn't like you, but even so he works for you and is under a duty to help while you are his patient. And don't be afraid to advocate for yourself. You deserve appropriate care the same as everyone else.

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I have a hard time explaining myself to anyone. Especially to a doctor. 

 

I seem to ramble about nothing and everything and probably only confuse my pdoc. He probably thinks I'm just being dramatic.

 

He always tells me to go for a walk or  go do something nice. But I can't just go do that... I have no energy or motivation to. I just think about dying mostly. But I laugh at my appts with him out of nervousness so he probably sees me as joking around.

 

In fact, I barely leave the house. I stay in bed all day (probably about 75% of the day at least). I'm terrified of other people. I'll do anything to avoid running into other people outside. If my BF has friends over, I hide under my blanket like a baby. I guess there's not really any help for me. I just need to suffer and suffer so much that I eventually wither away from sadness and emotional turmoil.

Edited by surreal
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My pdoc laughed at me for this before and called me a child. I'm 24 years old. So... yeah. I guess there's not really any help for me. I just need to suffer and suffer so much that I eventually wither away from sadness and emotional turmoil.

 

Your pdoc sounds like an asshole. Can you see someone else?

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I have a hard time explaining myself to anyone. Especially to a doctor. 

 

I seem to ramble about nothing and everything and probably only confuse my pdoc. He probably thinks I'm just being dramatic.

 

 

Maybe you can write down notes or write out how you feel and just hand it over to your DR?  That way when you get to the appt, what you've written will kind of jog your memory and you'll remember to bring things up that you want to.  Writing things down also keeps me from rambling and going off on tangents.

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I have a hard time explaining myself to anyone. Especially to a doctor.

I seem to ramble about nothing and everything and probably only confuse my pdoc. He probably thinks I'm just being dramatic.

He always tells me to go for a walk or go do something nice. But I can't just go do that... I have no energy or motivation to. I just think about dying mostly. But I laugh at my appts with him out of nervousness so he probably sees me as joking around.

In fact, I barely leave the house. I stay in bed all day (probably about 75% of the day at least). I'm terrified of other people. I'll do anything to avoid running into other people outside. If my BF has friends over, I hide under my blanket like a baby. I guess there's not really any help for me. I just need to suffer and suffer so much that I eventually wither away from sadness and emotional turmoil.

You need to be more honest with your pdoc. Also take his advice to do some nice things. You can do it. You are strong. You challenged me when I was overwhelmed so I'm doing the same for you. Edited by Wonderful.Cheese
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Thank you everyone.

 

I think the keeping notes thing is a great idea!

 

Cheese, you're right. It's better to be completely honest even if it seems stupid or embarrassing. 

Maybe I'll ask BF if he wants to go out to dinner this weekend as a treat.

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Thank you everyone.

I think the keeping notes thing is a great idea!

Cheese, you're right. It's better to be completely honest even if it seems stupid or embarrassing.

Maybe I'll ask BF if he wants to go out to dinner this weekend as a treat.

You do deserve a treat! You are wonderful. I'm glad you will treat yourself nicely.

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Surreal, I would print out the whole thread and then remove the posts about whether or not he's competent. :)  I think  the  things that you wrote make it very clear how anxious you are and I would show them to him.

 

I also agree with the others that you need to see him now.  Christmas could be worse for you than Thanksgiving.  Please take steps now so the holidays aren't excruciating for you.

 

olga

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