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Feel like killing myself because of Psychosis.


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If i took 30-60 sleeping tablets and a bottle of wine would i die? I have psychosis and life isn't the same anymore as what it used to be. I used to go out a lot now i am stuck inside because I can not tell if i am hallucinating or not (when i go out) ,  and since my first episode i noticed my memory has gone a little bit, i am worried of getting lost when i am out. I have been psychosis free for about 8 months now, doctors say that i am not hallucinating anymore but my brain can't accept it.

I also stuffed up a freindship and it is dwelling on my mind I treated this person wrong and regret it and there is no way it can be repaired or forgiven.

I have a leaking heart valve and the only thing i am scared about is waking up in a morgue because i have faint pualse on my left arm due to my heart condition. I am trying to be strong but don't feel it. Also Since my episode i have no appitite whats so ever i don't feel full , hungry or thirsty. Music doesn;t feel the same. Nothing does. I feel i lack emotions too now don't smile, laugh , can hold a conversation much, lack sex drive.

I am not even getting my period and i wonder if i was, and tried for a child what happens if i lose it again, i lost two pregnancies already but i am scared of relapsing if i had a child that can't be good. I feel lost. I do not know how to handle having psychosis. My first episode was back in April 2014 and i also have flash backs of what happened to me. I can no longer watch t.v not like i used too, i can only watch mild things like kids shows. Tv was commincating with me, traffic lights where and possibly saw people that where not there.

I also noticed i cant get the energy to do simple tasks like make the bed or do the dishes , have a shower it seems to take days before i do these things.  is this the medication making me feel like that or the illness? I am on antidepressants for the lack of energy i have But doesn't feel like they are working.

Edited by littlemisschatterbox
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I'm not, by any means, an expert, but you could be suffering from a depressive episode. You should talk about it to your doctor. Also, if the psychosis stopped, and your doctor said that it did, why not to believe that it did? And don't kill yourself. There are lots of things worth living in this life. As your illness will become more stable, you'll realize this. I used to think that life was not worth living too after my first psychotic/manic episode, but then, things got better, and I became a functioning member of the society again.

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Do you see a therapist/psychiatrist (pdoc)? 

 

I think these are things that would be good to bring up with them.  It's not worth killing yourself.  I can relate to the feeling of all the hallucinations, and remember the only way I got better (or better than I was, not hallucinating) was working with my pdoc and getting on the right cocktail of meds.

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I am kind of in the same boat. Please talk to your pdoc or tdoc about the suicidal feelings. It can and does get better, on the right meds. I am still trying to find the right ones for myself too. I look forward to the day when I will have an interest in life again.

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I feel like this now that the psychosis is going away. I feel like I have nothing to live for. I don't know what;s real and what's not. I've been living a lie. I'm not as important as I thought. But I know it's just my mind. It will get better with time. I just need to explore this new world I've been dropped in and things will get better. 

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I feel like this now that the psychosis is going away. I feel like I have nothing to live for. I don't know what;s real and what's not. I've been living a lie. I'm not as important as I thought. But I know it's just my mind. It will get better with time. I just need to explore this new world I've been dropped in and things will get better. 

 

It does get better with time, IMO.  I felt the same way after the hallucinations started going away.  I felt lost, with no connection to the real world.  Everything I'd thought, all the people I "knew," and my power, were all gone.  It was all I knew for a very long time, so it was hard to get used to reality.

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I feel like this now that the psychosis is going away. I feel like I have nothing to live for. I don't know what;s real and what's not. I've been living a lie. I'm not as important as I thought. But I know it's just my mind. It will get better with time. I just need to explore this new world I've been dropped in and things will get better. 

 

It does get better with time, IMO.  I felt the same way after the hallucinations started going away.  I felt lost, with no connection to the real world.  Everything I'd thought, all the people I "knew," and my power, were all gone.  It was all I knew for a very long time, so it was hard to get used to reality.

 

I hope it gets better for me. I've been suffering for so long. I just want to be happy. I;m going to talk to my pdoc about it. Maybe he can do something about it. 

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I feel like this now that the psychosis is going away. I feel like I have nothing to live for. I don't know what;s real and what's not. I've been living a lie. I'm not as important as I thought. But I know it's just my mind. It will get better with time. I just need to explore this new world I've been dropped in and things will get better. 

 

It does get better with time, IMO.  I felt the same way after the hallucinations started going away.  I felt lost, with no connection to the real world.  Everything I'd thought, all the people I "knew," and my power, were all gone.  It was all I knew for a very long time, so it was hard to get used to reality.

 

I hope it gets better for me. I've been suffering for so long. I just want to be happy. I;m going to talk to my pdoc about it. Maybe he can do something about it. 

 

 

I think talking to your pdoc about it is a really good idea. 

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10 mg of what and for how long? I guess most of them can take up to several weeks to work? I understand feeling like just getting out of bed and having a shower is a feat. If nothing else, give the meds some time, and even then, consider trying different ones, before making a decision such as suicide. That's a permanent solution to a problem that might just be temporary.

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10 mg of what and for how long? I guess most of them can take up to several weeks to work? I understand feeling like just getting out of bed and having a shower is a feat. If nothing else, give the meds some time, and even then, consider trying different ones, before making a decision such as suicide. That's a permanent solution to a problem that might just be temporary.

Hi Jada, I am taking 10 mg of loxalate.

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  • 2 weeks later...

My symptoms have gotten to that point im also having recurring headaches that persist until my left ear is ringing which its doing right now I just moved to a new state ive only been here almost a year but im already forgetting my formal life for this reason I think im prolly progressing to the next stage of schizophrenia and i started a journal so if I keep getting worse i'll have documentation of my life. it feels as though its slowly fading away the real scary thing is I don't feel anything emotionally about that it just seems it would be a good idea to document this just in case.

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