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surreal
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This is a very personal topic for me and not one I openly share with anyone. Only me, myself, and I know about it (although it was very briefly discussed with my mom).

 

People think I look like a guy. But I'm a heterosexual female.

 

How do I know this? Well since high school, I've heard people talking about me behind my back. Perfect strangers and even my own family.

 

Let me make a list of examples of everything I can remember since this all started:

 

-High school, was standing waiting for bus, car of teens drives by, guy says "LOL look at that guy!" Girl in car says "that's not a guy..."

-My aunt bought me a Domo shirt and Domo was rainbow-y colored. My dad makes a joke about me looking at lesbian porn sites. Hurtful. Never wore that shirt again.

-My step-sister openly told me I look like a guy on several occasions. One morning, heard her talking to her BF on speakphone. Her BF calls me "her brother" and they laugh and laugh and laugh.

-Sitting in Mcdonalds one day. Group of 4 people next to us, staring at me, talking to eachother asking if I'm a dude or a chick. I stand up to leave, one guys says "See, I told you it was a girl!"

-Going out to my car one day. 2 guys moving stuff out of their apartment start laughing and staring at me thinking I can't hear them... saying "LOL LOL LOL what is that thing?!"

-Visting in Hawaii... walking around the mall, guy busts out laughing and pointing at me... "WHOA LOL IS THAT A GUY? SERIOUSLY WHAT IS THAT THING?"

-Walking in mall walked past 2 store workers. Workers say to eachother "That looks like a guy wearing girls clothing!"

-BF's friend pulls up to his, never seen me before. He tells my bf "...thought that was a guy sitting the porch!"

-BF's other friend walking up to car, never met. I was sitting in the back seat... his friend goes "whos' that guy"?

-Sitting in summer school class. 2 girls pointing at me and whispering "I think it's her chin... her chin makes her look like a man"... I look over and glare and they start laughing nervously. They didn't know i hear them.

-Walking to my apartment with BF... neighbors (young guys) standing outside, have to walk past them... they say "(BF's name) is dating that THING?!!"

-At previous job place.. told a co-worker about a new job I was starting, it required to wear polo shirts. He simply stated that all the lesbians were going to love me. It hurt because I actually had a crush on this guy. 

-Filling out a form at previous work-place. Supervisor standing behind my back. He told me I could check "male or female" on the form.

 

I'll add more as I remember it. This is all I can remember for now.

 

The weird thing is. I do get on by guys sometimes. I've been told I am cute. 

 

Before high school, I dressed like a guy because I was insecure. And not once was I told I look like a guy. NOT ONCE. Than when I went through puberty, it seemed like I turned into a guy.

 

I do have PCOS. I don't know if that contributed. I started growing some male-pattern hair since last year. I've told myself if I get a full-grown beard, that's it.. I'm killing myself (seriously).

 

So what gives?

Edited by surreal
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This is a very personal topic for me and not one I openly share with anyone. Only me, myself, and I know about it (although it was very briefly discussed with my mom).

 

People think I look like a guy. But I'm a heterosexual female.

 

How do I know this? Well since high school, I've heard people talking about me behind my back. Perfect strangers and even my own family.

 

Let me make a list of examples of everything I can remember since this all started:

 

-High school, was standing waiting for bus, car of teens drives by, guy says "LOL look at that guy!" Girl in car says "that's not a guy..."

-My aunt bought me a Domo shirt and Domo was rainbow-y colored. My dad makes a joke about me looking at lesbian porn sites. Hurtful. Never wore that shirt again.

-My step-sister openly told me I look like a guy on several occasions. One morning, heard her talking to her BF on speakphone. Her BF calls me "her brother" and they laugh and laugh and laugh.

-Sitting in Mcdonalds one day. Group of 4 people next to us, staring at me, talking to eachother asking if I'm a dude or a chick. I stand up to leave, one guys says "See, I told you it was a girl!"

-Going out to my car one day. 2 guys moving stuff out of their apartment start laughing and staring at me thinking I can't hear them... saying "LOL LOL LOL what is that thing?!"

-Visting in Hawaii... walking around the mall, guy busts out laughing and pointing at me... "WHOA LOL IS THAT A GUY? SERIOUSLY WHAT IS THAT THING?"

-Walking in mall walked past 2 store workers. Workers say to eachother "That looks like a guy wearing girls clothing!"

-BF's friend pulls up to his, never seen me before. He tells my bf "...thought that was a guy sitting the porch!"

-BF's other friend walking up to car, never met. I was sitting in the back seat... his friend goes "whos' that guy"?

-Sitting in summer school class. 2 girls pointing at me and whispering "I think it's her chin... her chin makes her look like a man"... I look over and glare and they start laughing nervously. They didn't know i hear them.

-Walking to my apartment with BF... neighbors (young guys) standing outside, have to walk past them... they say "(BF's name) is dating that THING?!!"

-At previous job place.. told a co-worker about a new job I was starting, it required to wear polo shirts. He simply stated that all the lesbians were going to love me. It hurt because I actually had a crush on this guy. 

-Filling out a form at previous work-place. Supervisor standing behind my back. He told me I could check "male or female" on the form.

 

I'll add more as I remember it. This is all I can remember for now.

 

The weird thing is. I do get on by guys sometimes. I've been told I am cute. 

 

Before high school, I dressed like a guy because I was insecure. And not once was I told I look like a guy. NOT ONCE. Than when I went through puberty, it seemed like I turned into a guy.

 

I do have PCOS. I don't know if that contributed. I started growing some male-pattern hair since last year. I've told myself if I get a full-grown beard, that's it.. I'm killing myself (seriously).

 

So what gives?

 

^In bold ... I have heard that PCOS can make a person grow extra hair on their body.  I think it is a hormone thing.  Have you talked to a DR about the PCOS?

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Surreal - I relate to a lot of what you have written. 

 

Since I was a tween and hit puberty and as an adult I was stared at, laughed at, talked behind of, made fun of, and bluntly asked if I was a male. When I had short hair or pixie cuts, I would be asked by random young children in public if I was "a man or a woman" all the time. No one would ever say anything either because "kids will be kids!" and the parents would just laugh. It was humiliating and hurtful.

 

Truth is, I am fairly androgynous. I have very strong facial features and bone structure, have a large upper body/shoulders, and also tend to grow unwanted hair. And as a younger teen and tween, I also wore more masculine clothing in punk and gothic styles. Nowadays I feel more comfortable in my own body; and found my personal style and my own take on femininity. 

 

Femininity doesn't have to mean lace and pearls. My own meaning is wrapped in tattoos, men's combat boots (I also have very large feet), and colored hair; and all has to do with being comfortable with myself and being around people who love me that way.

 

Peoples simple minded definition of what being a "correct male" and "correct female" just plain sucks, and I am sorry you have to endure their ignorance and insensitivity :(

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Surreal - I relate to a lot of what you have written. 

 

Since I was a tween and hit puberty and as an adult I was stared at, laughed at, talked behind of, made fun of, and bluntly asked if I was a male. When I had short hair or pixie cuts, I would be asked by random young children in public if I was "a man or a woman" all the time. No one would ever say anything either because "kids will be kids!" and the parents would just laugh. It was humiliating and hurtful.

 

Truth is, I am fairly androgynous. I have very strong facial features and bone structure, have a large upper body/shoulders, and also tend to grow unwanted hair. And as a younger teen and tween, I also wore more masculine clothing in punk and gothic styles. Nowadays I feel more comfortable in my own body; and found my personal style and my own take on femininity. 

 

Femininity doesn't have to mean lace and pearls. My own meaning is wrapped in tattoos, men's combat boots (I also have very large feet), and colored hair; and all has to do with being comfortable with myself and being around people who love me that way.

 

Peoples simple minded definition of what being a "correct male" and "correct female" just plain sucks, and I am sorry you have to endure their ignorance and insensitivity :(

^^^ this! I love what you wrote Sloane.

And I hate when parents teach their kids that kind of crap. Like oh "haha he's so cute. Kids will be kids!" And then they laugh. I mean, I know kids say things like that all the time but that should be a perfect time for the parents to not laugh and joke but to teach the children about acceptance and love for everyone.

Sorry for ranting. I just really agree with you.

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Surreal, I'm there, girl.  I'm so fucking there.  This reply ended up being mostly about PCOS-related things, but I hope hearing some of it will help, I truly do.

 

PCOS is a bitch, and I've hated it ever since it developed.  Between the awful moods, fucked up energy levels, pelvic pain, insulin resistance (and weight gain), the breakouts, and to top off that huge suck-salad, all the extra body hair, it's been a fucking nightmare.  You aren't alone.  It changes how your body reacts, expresses, and looks, and it's something I wish modern medicine would fucking fix already.

 

I'm with Sloane on this, and I firmly believe what she's said in this thread.  Finding my own style and defining my own sense of what is feminine was really what finally helped me be okay with my body and how it looks and reacts to things.  Realizing that the reality of what we think of as 'feminine' is dirtier, sweatier, and hairier than TV taught me also helped.  Girls are taught from a young age that women should be perfect all the time, and because it's about appearances, we rarely grow up seeing all the dirty-work that has to happen to make that so-called perfection possible, because it takes so much fucking work sometimes.

 

The hair was the hardest thing to cope with for me.  All of the women I knew were smooth and hairless all the time, and I was fuzzy and always plucking.  Eventually I began having to shave my chin, cheeks, and neck because the fuzz was becoming too thick, too painful, and too rage-inducing to pluck.  If I didn't do something with the hair, after a few weeks I'd start hearing people say stupid shit, never to my face, but always behind my back, whispered just loudly enough.

 

You mentioned the pattern hair growth that comes with PCOS, and so I want to share a little secret with you.
Finding this out really, seriously helped me, and it will help you too I bet.  Check this shit out:

 

A lot of women shave their faces.

I'm dead serious. 

 

Think about it.   You know all those razor commercials where they show some ambiguous, often unidentifiable patch of skin?  It -could- be the back of a knee, but could -also- be a neck and is deliberately left vague?  Yeah, the truth is, a huge, seriously huge number of women shave their faces.  In some cultures, like in Japan and China, it's a cultural norm.  My Japanese mother-in-law laughed at me when I spoke frankly about my PCOS.  She waved her hand at me and just said 'if you were Japanese you'd just accept it, my makeup goes on so much nicer after a good shave.  If your mother didn't teach you that, your mother is an idiot.'

 

No one talks about it, but it happens everywhere.  Seriously.

There's no shame in it, and I wish someone had told me when I was 14.

 

So I'm telling you now:  It's okay to shave your face if the hair bugs you.  It won't grow back thicker or darker.  That's just a myth.  It's totally safe.  Just be careful the first few times and use a good shaving gel.

 

P.S.  Insulin resistance is a bitch, but guess what?  As a woman with PCOS, you have a special power.  One that every other normal-hormone woman would be envious of if they realized:  All that extra androgen in your bloodstream makes it easier for you to build lean muscle if you lift weights, and no matter what woo-woo you've been told, lifting weighs will make you lose weight SO MUCH FASTER than running on a treadmill or an elliptical.  GO FORTH AND LIFT, BISH.  You won't become a she-beast, you won't go she-hulk, but as someone with PCOS, you get an assload of extra benefit from picking up and putting down heavy things than a female with a normal hormone profile.

 

P.P.S.  When people say shitty things to you/about you, that's their way of making sure you know that they are shitty people, that's all.  Think of it as advanced warning.

Edited by Bad Haiku
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Surreal - I relate to a lot of what you have written. 

 

Since I was a tween and hit puberty and as an adult I was stared at, laughed at, talked behind of, made fun of, and bluntly asked if I was a male. When I had short hair or pixie cuts, I would be asked by random young children in public if I was "a man or a woman" all the time. No one would ever say anything either because "kids will be kids!" and the parents would just laugh. It was humiliating and hurtful.

 

Truth is, I am fairly androgynous. I have very strong facial features and bone structure, have a large upper body/shoulders, and also tend to grow unwanted hair. And as a younger teen and tween, I also wore more masculine clothing in punk and gothic styles. Nowadays I feel more comfortable in my own body; and found my personal style and my own take on femininity. 

 

Femininity doesn't have to mean lace and pearls. My own meaning is wrapped in tattoos, men's combat boots (I also have very large feet), and colored hair; and all has to do with being comfortable with myself and being around people who love me that way.

 

Peoples simple minded definition of what being a "correct male" and "correct female" just plain sucks, and I am sorry you have to endure their ignorance and insensitivity :(

^^^ this! I love what you wrote Sloane.

And I hate when parents teach their kids that kind of crap. Like oh "haha he's so cute. Kids will be kids!" And then they laugh. I mean, I know kids say things like that all the time but that should be a perfect time for the parents to not laugh and joke but to teach the children about acceptance and love for everyone.

Sorry for ranting. I just really agree with you.

 

 

Don't be sorry :) I completely agree with you! It's those moments where it's important to teach young children what real acceptance means. And when we have those moments to show children (as adults in a real example) how to act in a situation with of any kind of 'person of difference', it would make a impact.

 

 

Surreal, I'm there, girl.  I'm so fucking there.  This reply ended up being mostly about PCOS-related things, but I hope hearing some of it will help, I truly do.

 

PCOS is a bitch, and I've hated it ever since it developed.  Between the awful moods, fucked up energy levels, pelvic pain, insulin resistance (and weight gain), the breakouts, and to top off that huge suck-salad, all the extra body hair, it's been a fucking nightmare.  You aren't alone.  It changes how your body reacts, expresses, and looks, and it's something I wish modern medicine would fucking fix already.

 

I'm with Sloane on this, and I firmly believe what she's said in this thread.  Finding my own style and defining my own sense of what is feminine was really what finally helped me be okay with my body and how it looks and reacts to things.  Realizing that the reality of what we think of as 'feminine' is dirtier, sweatier, and hairier than TV taught me also helped.  Girls are taught from a young age that women should be perfect all the time, and because it's about appearances, we rarely grow up seeing all the dirty-work that has to happen to make that so-called perfection possible, because it takes so much fucking work sometimes.

 

The hair was the hardest thing to cope with for me.  All of the women I knew were smooth and hairless all the time, and I was fuzzy and always plucking.  Eventually I began having to shave my chin, cheeks, and neck because the fuzz was becoming too thick, too painful, and too rage-inducing to pluck.  If I didn't do something with the hair, after a few weeks I'd start hearing people say stupid shit, never to my face, but always behind my back, whispered just loudly enough.

 

You mentioned the pattern hair growth that comes with PCOS, and so I want to share a little secret with you.

Finding this out really, seriously helped me, and it will help you too I bet.  Check this shit out:

 

A lot of women shave their faces.

I'm dead serious. 

 

Think about it.   You know all those razor commercials where they show some ambiguous, often unidentifiable patch of skin?  It -could- be the back of a knee, but could -also- be a neck and is deliberately left vague?  Yeah, the truth is, a huge, seriously huge number of women shave their faces.  In some cultures, like in Japan and China, it's a cultural norm.  My Japanese mother-in-law laughed at me when I spoke frankly about my PCOS.  She waved her hand at me and just said 'if you were Japanese you'd just accept it, my makeup goes on so much nicer after a good shave.  If your mother didn't teach you that, your mother is an idiot.'

 

No one talks about it, but it happens everywhere.  Seriously.

There's no shame in it, and I wish someone had told me when I was 14.

 

So I'm telling you now:  It's okay to shave your face if the hair bugs you.  It won't grow back thicker or darker.  That's just a myth.  It's totally safe.  Just be careful the first few times and use a good shaving gel.

 

P.S.  Insulin resistance is a bitch, but guess what?  As a woman with PCOS, you have a special power.  One that every other normal-hormone woman would be envious of if they realized:  All that extra androgen in your bloodstream makes it easier for you to build lean muscle if you lift weights, and no matter what woo-woo you've been told, lifting weighs will make you lose weight SO MUCH FASTER than running on a treadmill or an elliptical.  GO FORTH AND LIFT, BISH.  You won't become a she-beast, you won't go she-hulk, but as someone with PCOS, you get an assload of extra benefit from picking up and putting down heavy things than a female with a normal hormone profile.

 

P.P.S.  When people say shitty things to you/about you, that's their way of making sure you know that they are shitty people, that's all.  Think of it as advanced warning.

 

You are fucking awesome <3

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I'm nonbinary of gender. Also plural inside.

I get called sir often. Since I figure all gender pronouns are applicable...

The last time there was a weirdness was a supermarket bathroom, this 4- year old was exclaiming loudly " MOM, THERE'S A MAN IN HERE!" Mom was trying to get him to shut up and was embarrassed as hell, I was trying not to laugh too loudly...

The thing is, I don't get screwed with anymore.

If you can come to a place of self-confidence, people will fuck with you less.

There is a whole lot of ways to be female and heterosexual. You're fine. Fuck those asshats.

Edited to add: I shave my upper lip. Now, if I could actually grow a cool mustache? We're talking waxed points. But I am only possessed of a dark fuzz, and it does not look good.

I also sometimes shave the sides of my forehead, because my eyebrows are enamored of my hairline.

Edited by Stickler
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Hi there

 

I'm changing the title of this thread just to eliminate confusion with all the other venting threads popping up on the boards.  Please feel free to PM me if you have a problem with this.

 

Mia (moderator of People Suck)

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gawd i'm kind of pissed off that people have been so rude about it, yes i notice if women look like a guy, but like a decent human being i keep my thoughts to myself, it's more of an observation, a bit like "that person has red hair"

 

it's funny pcos is mentioned, i have the condition too and have never been mistaken for a guy, but i do have to shave everything everyday,

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