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So I don't hallucinate according to my psychiatrist, and I haven't had any psychosis for almost 2 years now. The only psychosis I had was during a severe anti-depressant-fostered manic episode, and even then, I didn't hear voices.

 

However, now, I've been feeling particularily depressed, but with high levels of energy, irritability, and anxiety. I started getting periods of even more severe anxiety than usual (which is usually very severe) which last anywhere from 10 minutes to 1 hour, and during these periods I get intrusive thoughts - which are my thoughts, and I can't hear them out loud. However, the thoughts are vocalized. The content is usually "You're a piece of shit", "Worthless", and so on.

 

 

Are these auditory hallucinations, or just intrusive thoughts? I can't hear them with my ears. But they're vocalized thoughts. Can this be considered as "hearing voices inside of your head"/auditory hallucinations?

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I'm open to correction, but to me these sound like intrusive thoughts associated with your depression and anxiety.  The auditory hallucinations I've experienced during psychotic breaks have involved hearing voices outside my head.

 

When last did you speak to or see your psychiatrist?  If things have become this bad then I think it's time to raise the issue with him/her.

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I'm open to correction, but to me these sound like intrusive thoughts associated with your depression and anxiety.  The auditory hallucinations I've experienced during psychotic breaks have involved hearing voices outside my head.

 

When last did you speak to or see your psychiatrist?  If things have become this bad then I think it's time to raise the issue with him/her.

I only talked about it with my psychologist for now, and he said that these are just intrusive thoughts. My next appointment with the psychiatrist is in a week or so, and I will surely tell him about this.

 

Also, is it common to have severe anxiety associated with depression in bipolar? Especially when there's high energy, racing thoughts, irritability, and such.

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I get those.  I think it is intrusive thoughts.  

 

I have never heard external voices, though I do hear people screaming inside my head sometimes, that aren't me.  But that's different from when my internal voice talks to me.  

 

I get anxiety and depression together, yes, they go hand-in-hand.  

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Also, is it common to have severe anxiety associated with depression in bipolar? Especially when there's high energy, racing thoughts, irritability, and such.

 

 

You're really describing a mixed state here.

 

Can it be a mixed state if I sleep 12-13 hours a day? Well, I take anti-psychotics, so that could be the reason why I sleep so much.

 

 

Also, the intrusive thoughts get really overwhelming when I pass by other people. Then, they will focus on how awkward my walking is, how the other person might think I'm strange, how everyone around me thinks I'm strange/crying (because my eyes are wet when I'm anxious), etc. Are you sure these aren't voices?

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Also, is it common to have severe anxiety associated with depression in bipolar? Especially when there's high energy, racing thoughts, irritability, and such.

 

 

You're really describing a mixed state here.

 

Can it be a mixed state if I sleep 12-13 hours a day? Well, I take anti-psychotics, so that could be the reason why I sleep so much.

 

 

Also, the intrusive thoughts get really overwhelming when I pass by other people. Then, they will focus on how awkward my walking is, how the other person might think I'm strange, how everyone around me thinks I'm strange/crying (because my eyes are wet when I'm anxious), etc. Are you sure these aren't voices?

 

 

That sounds like intrusive thoughts to me.

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What do you mean "vocalized"? Like you hear it said aloud just as if another person were saying it out loud?

ETA- your pdoc will have to diagnose what is going on. I know what my pdoc would say but I can't speak for yours.

No, I don't hear them. It's just that these are verbal thoughts which are vocalized - in the sense that I'm talking to myself inside of my head.

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Well, you just said it. That sense you have of talking to yourself is because your own mind is being nasty to you, not that you are hearing voices.

 

When I hear voices, they are not in me, they are clearly outside of me. That doesn't mean I don't have an ongoing dialogue with myself about how much I suck, but it is A) clearly me and B) clearly NOT coming from a place outside of me. That is why I think you are describing intrusive thoughts. I'm not a doctor, but as you can see from this thread, people tend to hear voices outside of their own head.

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So I've been feeling suicial lately, namely because I won't ever be able to achieve my dreams (such as publishing in mathematics, theorhetical physics and philosophy) because of this illness. I've dedicated great amounts of time towards learning about these subjects, and I'm panning to start university to study these next year. However, I always come up with "great" ideas which only seem so to me. I have no idea how to distinguish actually good ideas from what is completely insane - this is the downside of mania, I guess. It goes like this - either I have "great" ideas which are completely insane, or I have none.

 

For example, once, I wanted to design my own socioeconomic system from scratch, and wrote about 30 pages worth the material, without a break. Obviously, this was a manifesation of mania. But I had all my hopes up - that I would actually get it published and gain academic credibility.

 

Another time I wanted to come up with my own model for Keynesian fiscal policy - it was probably unrealistic as well.

 

If I'm going to seirously study these subjects, how will I then be able to dinstinguish which ideas are actually good, and which ideas are insane? I would just waste days, weeks, perhaps months writing some insane idiocy while thinking that it will revolutionize everything.

 

How on Earth will I be able to publish, if I can't even set my priorities to what is actually publishable?

 

And this makes me not want to live anymore. I won't ever be able to publish even a small article, let alone gain any academic recongition. What do I have to look forward to? Live, reproduce, and die? What's the point?

 

Do you think that I'm feeling this way because of bipolar depression, or because of the way my life really is? One of the main reasons why I didn't seek treatment and got wrong diagnoses at first was because I didn't report any mood symptoms, because I thought they were normal. Do you think this particular symptom is "normal" given the ccontext?

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I agree with everyone on the intrusive thoughts.  I also hear the vocalized voices in my head.  The ones outside of my head are much louder and sound much more real than the ones inside my head.  That is how i can tell the difference.  Stress and lack of sleep always make them worse/happen more often.

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I mostly get the 'outside of the head' kind. They are very real sounding and often loud. But I have also had voices inside my head that aren't in my own voice. Sometimes more than one talks at the same time. They tell me to do things and/or tell me how worthless I am. One time long ago, I thought it was God giving me special orders.

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I mostly get the 'outside of the head' kind. They are very real sounding and often loud. But I have also had voices inside my head that aren't in my own voice. Sometimes more than one talks at the same time. They tell me to do things and/or tell me how worthless I am. One time long ago, I thought it was God giving me special orders.

 

This happens to me a lot also.

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