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Velvet Elvis

Diagnose this holiday whackjob

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Seriously, the rule is that as users we can't diagnose each other.  We're completely free to take a stab at random people on the internet.

http://www.neatorama.com/2014/12/03/And-You-Thought-Your-Family-Was-Hard-to-Deal-With/

My thoughts:

1.  Fuck you bitch, I'm eating at Waffle House

2. An entire house could be decorated for Thanksgiving with the corn cobs extracted from her ass.

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Wow.  I have no words at the moment for what I just read.  I would not be coming to any dinner where someone asked something like that of me. 

 

I wonder what the outcome was, and if people actually listened or just didn't come.  And if anyone wrote back to her saying WTF.

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Oh. Mah. Gawd.  -rant incoming-

 

This bitch needs a job where she is forced to deal with and accommodate people regardless of what she wants or what her opinions are.  She needs to work at a fucking Waffle House for six months on the late-late-late shift with the drunk shitlords just leaving the bar, the goth kids who do nothing but smoke and drink burnt coffee, and the first-year philosophy/ethics/anthropology/sociology/psychology students that are SO MUCH SMARTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE ABOUT EVERYTHING AND WILL MAKE SURE TO TELL EVERYONE IN EARSHOT, REPEATEDLY.

 

See this she-witch?  This is what happens when you live in a social fishbowl surrounded by people who enable your psychotic bullshit.  (And I strongly suspect a browbeaten husband that is so terrified of you that his vocabulary consists of 'yes' and 'dear'.)  When you have no reality check or human calibration, THIS IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU.

 

Go outside, kids...or you'll end up like this crazy wasp woman.

 

P.S.   FUCK YOU, MARNEY.  TIN FOIL IS AMAZING.

 

P.P.S.   If she has a son, he wears a fedora.  I guarantee it.

 

Did you watch the video?

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I'm leaning towards someone terrified of not being in control of every little thing and coping with hard core pain pills.  Oxycontin or the the like.  

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:blink:

 

I mainly feel sympathy for Marney. However, I know how it is to deal with an incredibly anxious, controlling, and overbearing family member. At least, that's how she comes off to me. So, I sympathize with her family too.

 

However, consider this: According to Google, 15 lbs of potatoes serves about 30 people, up to 35 people. If I was trying to organize a dinner for that many people, I'd probably go a bit nuts too. Also, I like my family and all, but I would never have 30 of them in one house. The very idea makes me anxious.

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"Diagnose this holiday whackjob"

On the letter alone, I could see a range of possibilities.
Not least the possibly of it being the last desperate resort of a rational and logical person attempting to avoid the chaos and rows that result every year from a disorganised Thanksgiving gathering of this family horde.

 

And yes, a good topping of lack of social sensitivity, but with an additional sprinkle of lack of theory of mind.

 

Control freak or just an Aspie doing their best?

 

Chris.

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It would be what Freud called an anal-retentive personality

 

Personally, I've never seen anal-expulsive as something to aim for.

 

Chris

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Not least the possibly of it being the last desperate resort of a rational and logical person attempting to avoid the chaos and rows that result every year from a disorganised Thanksgiving gathering of this family horde.

 

And yes, a good topping of lack of social sensitivity, but with an additional sprinkle of lack of theory of mind.

 

Control freak or just an Aspie doing their best?

 

Chris, this absolutely isn't sarcasm, you are a rose among bitchy thorns.  You're SO MUCH NICER than everyone else here.

 

I missed your face, even though I always feel so sheepish and unnecessarily, excessively bitchy after your posts.

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It would be what Freud called an anal-retentive personality

 

Personally, I've never seen anal-expulsive as something to aim for.

 

Chris

 

 

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

 

*immature* :D

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"Diagnose this holiday whackjob"

On the letter alone, I could see a range of possibilities.

Not least the possibly of it being the last desperate resort of a rational and logical person attempting to avoid the chaos and rows that result every year from a disorganised Thanksgiving gathering of this family horde.

 

And yes, a good topping of lack of social sensitivity, but with an additional sprinkle of lack of theory of mind.

 

Control freak or just an Aspie doing their best?

 

Chris.

i think Chris got it.

 

i think that blank stare looks like she just honestly does not know why anyone would take offense, or find humour, in her letter.  that her intent was to be practical and organized.  

 

people with nicer social graces would have asked for (not demanded) many of the same things, POLITELY.  i don't think there's anything necessarily diagnosable in "being a bitch".  maybe in years past she asked people for help, and ended up with disastrous results - people bringing something different than what they promised (and now there are no potatoes, at the last minute) or not properly covering the dessert before piling it on the table (thereby making it look like hell instead of something yummy and decorative).

 

to most people this does not constitute disaster.  however.

 

there's kind of a point missing about how much pressure (some) women are under to make holidays be something that EVERYONE enjoys and NOBODY complains about.  especially for that many people - can you imagine organizing feeding that many people with that many different tastes/requirements?.  add to that the pressure some social classes are under to make the holiday worthy of Martha Stewart - it's considered a reflection of the host (ahem, the woman in the house who does everything) if great care and effort does not go into the planning, displaying, and serving of food.  if it looks half assed?  you're a BAD WOMAN.  aka terrible person.  aka unworthy.

 

some of this is being lost with time.  i was taught that all these things are important.  i was raised in probably the last generation where all these things were expected of women.  and i mean expected, not just "suggested".  don't make the right amount of asparagus?  people gossip for months that you were unprepared.  put meat in the stuffing?  it's a deliberate snide towards the vegetarian guest.  and the next gathering?  because you did something "wrong", everything you do will be under even more scrutiny, so people can catch you doing a "bad job" and gossip about you some more.

 

yep this all seems silly and unnecessary and it is.  but it is REAL LIFE for some women.  would i ever write a letter like that?  no way.  i'd write polite requests and ask for feedback about whether or not my requests were reasonable.  but what if in the past my polite notes got me nowhere?  and my extended family still expected me to be the one to make the holiday happen?  i would have two choices - say ENOUGH and let the picky fuckers stay home and eat kraft dinner, or TAKE CONTROL and be bitchy enough to make it happen the way everyone seems to expect it should happen.  when your worth as a woman depends on how well you can host your family and friends in a clean home with pretty decorations and perfect food that pleases everyone - you're going to choose bitchy letters.

 

yeah i think the letter is worthy of making fun of.  my mother actually read it to me the first time i saw it, and we laughed together.  but we also both understand what it is like to do what she's doing.  and it makes you crazy.  i watched it make my grandmothers crazy, my mother crazy, and then it was my turn to host the craziness (which obviously doesn't happen often in my home due to.... well being crazy before the holiday even begins).

 

but i don't want to label this woman.  she's a product of her upbringing and her social class and probably has such little self-esteem that if she can't do these things right, she hates herself (not to mention that other people talking about her failures will be unbearable).  i've seen it so many times.  she makes me laugh, but she makes me sad too.  because i know how easy it is to get there.

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Thanks for the laughs, VE. And now I must go searching for regulation casserole dishes with lids. Stackable, no less. LMAO!

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Okay now I just feel like an asshole.

Time to crawl back under my shame rock.

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Maybe she was so explicit because she was planning not to be there when ~30 members of her family showed up at her door, but she still wanted them to have a nice holiday. If my house had somehow become the designated meeting place for a gathering that large, I can tell you for damn sure that they'd all arrive to find another note, tacked to the door, which read:

 

Family:

 

Fifteen pound turkey has been in the oven at 350 degrees since 5:00 a.m., so obviously it will be ready to eat between 12:30 and 1:00 p.m..

I have already set the table, and adjusted the settings on the dishwasher for the clean-up afterwards. The wine glasses must be hand washed.

My copy of The Joy of Cooking is on the kitchen table, open to the pages about cooking turkey.

I have taken a fifth of Jack Daniels and a couple of Happy Meals and checked into a hotel. I need the peace and quiet.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving, and leave the kitchen as you found it. All unlabeled dishes that are left behind will be donated to Goodwill.

 

Marley

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My mum got this for many Christmases, having marginally the largest house of those available to host the extended family descending.

I don't have many memories of good Christmases.  

Too much tension and anxiety as a young kid trying to keep out of the way of the production of this giant meal which had to be perfect.

And then four generations of family to try an interact with, rather than enjoy toys, (new or old, or just curl up with a book).  I can very near get a migraine just recalling it.

 

<shudders>

Current Christmases, however odd (horizontal, solitary) are better than that.

 

Chris

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Okay now I just feel like an asshole.

Time to crawl back under my shame rock.

 

Hey, I'm the who posted it and I don't feel shitty.  Why should you?

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