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I just got back from an appointment with my BF for help with bills... and my goodness... I cannot wind down from the stress of it!

 

This same thing happens anytime I have to be out in public for any amount of time. I felt this bad after Thanksgiving festivities.

 

My mind is racing! Did I say something wrong or criminal? Am I a criminal? Everyone there thought I was a freak! 

 

Seems like I was being backed into a corner. That's the feeling I get. The feeling like you need to escape the situation you are in. 

 

I started sweating and shaking and we were only there for an hour or so. The people seemed nice. But in my point of view, everyone has a demons expression. They back me into a corner. They want to hurt me or mock me!

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I'm sorry that happened! Social situations are ROUGH for me too. I get overwhelmed and sneak out for a cigarette.. many times a night.

 

Nobody there wanted to hurt or mock you, though. That's the MI talking. Bring that up with your pdoc, for sure.

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Is it okay that all the people there know I applied for SSDI? I had to tell them and it was said aloud several times, even other people in the waiting room could hear.

 

I am just worried I guess. I feel like my privacy has been invaded majorly. And I suddenly felt like everyone was cornering me because of this.

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I asked my bf for re-assurance that it was okay as I usually do, but he was pretty frustrated with me at that point.

 

It's weird, I ask him if I said or did something criminal or strange, and than I repeat it over and over to him in an obsessive tendency, as if my brain won't let me stop worrying about it.

 

For instance... I ask him all the time, can people hear me through the walls? Is it okay to talk?

He'll tell me it's okay, but than I repeat the same question over and over. It makes me want to bang my head into a wall.

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My husband can tell me that nobody can see my thoughts but sometimes they still can.  It's okay, because he's the one person in the world who I don't mind if he sees my thoughts, but.  

 

I'm sorry it's stressful.  It is the MI, but that doesn't make it any easier.  

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I also ask my bf the same question like 90 times in a row. I remember once he picked me up from a work thing and I asked him the entire 15 minute ride home if he thought they were talking bad about me. Then we got home and I kept asking him if he thought they were talking bad about me. 

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I just got back from an appointment with my BF for help with bills... and my goodness... I cannot wind down from the stress of it!

 

This same thing happens anytime I have to be out in public for any amount of time. I felt this bad after Thanksgiving festivities.

 

My mind is racing! Did I say something wrong or criminal? Am I a criminal? Everyone there thought I was a freak! 

 

Seems like I was being backed into a corner. That's the feeling I get. The feeling like you need to escape the situation you are in. 

 

I started sweating and shaking and we were only there for an hour or so. The people seemed nice. But in my point of view, everyone has a demons expression. They back me into a corner. They want to hurt me or mock me!

Does it help to keep your eyes on the prize? Getting help with bills? That is such a good thing! I currently owe the county clinic over $75,000 for all of my services over the years. It is horribly stressful having that looming over my head.

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Is it okay that all the people there know I applied for SSDI? I had to tell them and it was said aloud several times, even other people in the waiting room could hear.

 

I am just worried I guess. I feel like my privacy has been invaded majorly. And I suddenly felt like everyone was cornering me because of this.

I asked my bf for re-assurance that it was okay as I usually do, but he was pretty frustrated with me at that point.

 

It's weird, I ask him if I said or did something criminal or strange, and than I repeat it over and over to him in an obsessive tendency, as if my brain won't let me stop worrying about it.

 

For instance... I ask him all the time, can people hear me through the walls? Is it okay to talk?

He'll tell me it's okay, but than I repeat the same question over and over. It makes me want to bang my head into a wall.

It is none of their business to know you applied for SSDI. If they heard so what. You need it. You deserve it. You are not a bad person for needing it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I cant stand being around anybody even my family I just met a moved to a new place and met a aunt but my demeaner was so abrubt as im use to not interacting with anybody now she doesn't like me, my disorder has progressed to th point that I dont care I think she's prolly just a racist that will eventually try to draw me into that hate syndrome anyway, my psychosis has me believing pretty much everybody is a racist or some other kind o f sinner and I couldn't care less what they think of me.God Bless!.

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