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I have the sense that something/someone is watching everything I do. It started out being a mild annoyance 3 days ago and tonight I'm terrified. I tried to go up on the Latuda 2 days ago for other bothersome thoughts but I couldn't tolerate the restlessness, so I'm back down to 40 mg tonight. 40 mg was leaving me with just mild delusions. But I can't take this new "watched" feeling. This is the only place I know to turn to so late at night. Please, any suggestions. I'm scared.

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Idk if this helps, but is what came to mind when I read your post.

 

When I felt like this it used to really bother me too.  I also believed whatever I did was being recorded and downloaded somewhere.

 

At one point though my mindset changed so that I figured if people were always watching me, it was like a personal bodyguard for free.  And that if I did nothing wrong, I could prove it from the people watching me.  So I turned it into something positive (at least it was in my mind).

 

Now though, I dont have the feeling of being watched*.  It kind of just got less and less with time.

 

I'm sorry I don't have much advice, just wanted to let you know I can relate.

 

 

*Outside of my home.  Inside there might be cameras, but I don't feel like I'm being watched when outside walking around going from place to place.

Edited by melissaw72
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Before I post, I want to say two things. First, this is being written on my phone, so I may fall victim to predictive text. Second, although I don't share your diagnosis, I experience the same type of paranoia, which is what motivates me to respond anyway.

I frequently feel watched, even in my own home. (Especially when it's a new place.) There isn't always a sense of threat/menace/ill-intent, but there's a feeling of 'eyes'. My broken headmeats like to focus this paranoia on uncovered windows and dark, hidden spots like air-vents, or barely-closed doors. On those rare bad days, the 'eyes' feel like they're just balls-out right in the room with me.

Personally, it's sort of tied in with my own nasty trifecta of anxiety, agoraphobia, and self-loathing inner monologue.

So I kinda get it, or at least empathize a little. Bear with me.

Depending on the year, my current state of sanity, or where I'm at when the paranoia strikes, I've developed some personal tactics for handling it, which I'll share. As someone else has already said, your own mileage may vary.

Imagine you're a character in a movie, something serious like a thriller or a horror film. Feels similar sometimes, right? Well have you ever seen a serious stalker movie where the person being stalked breaks character? No, because that ruins the movie.

Ruin the movie. Fart. Do something to mess up the mood. Make the audience laugh or groan. Tell a really bad joke. Play 'Never Gonna Give You Up' and Rickroll them. Anything to break the mood and take control of it.

Play bad, peppy billboard music. It's hard to be all stalky and serious and creepy when some chick is singing about her ass or about riding someone's 'disco stick', right?

Talk to it, even though we both know there's no one there. Tell it stupid shit, make fun of it, characterize it as something harmless, stupid, or helpful. Take control of how you experience the paranoia and make it useful. Play a game with it, give it a dumb little name, or work it into some other helpful schema.

My paranoia is named Frank, and Frank is my muse. He's this tiny, pot bellied, cigar smoking cherub-thing in a tutu and a stained undershirt. He's disgusting and harmless and is there to make sure I'm working.

Of course, he'd also let me know if I was in danger.

You and I both know there's nothing watching us, we rationally know it even when our senses 'feel' something there. Maybe neither of us will ever totally get rid of that sensation, but if we have to live with it, it may as well be shaped how WE want it.

I hope this helps, or at least isn't offensive.

P.S. I don't remember who it was, but I heard a bit once about a paranoid comedian who decided that creeping out his non-existent observer was the best way to cope. He'd pick the scariest, darkest corner of his bedroom and then masturbate furiously while staring straight at it, saying 'IT'S ALL FOR YOU'.

I'm about to move into a new house. Maybe I'll try this.

Edited by Bad Haiku
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Melissa, I'm not sure. My delusions have all been up and down the past few weeks. I think it's where I'm on a dose of antipsychotic that helps only some.

 

 

Thanks ... I was just wondering if it was something else I could do to lessen the hallucinations when they get bad.  I'm really glad something is helping you.

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