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Starting to wonder if I have a personality disoder, rather than depression & social anxiety


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Well the title says it all really.  I am starting to wonder, based on some cursory research, if I actually have a personality disorder (schizoid?).    In the past I have been DX with depression, OCD and social anxiety.  I have a kind of depression where I have  no energy, no self-worth, lack of interest, etc, but I rarely feel "sad" or tearful.  My social anxiety used to be focused around shame, fear of people and embarrassment, but now I feel like I just don't give a crap about people, I want most of them to fuck off and die painfully. 

 

My main symptoms are:

 

I rarely engage with people and I rarely desire it.  I am highly introverted, prefer to be on my own and often slip off into daydreams and fantasy (which often involve me being rich/powerful/famous or violent/vindictive/controlling/etc). No friends at all, close relationship with my parents only.  Can't get excited about positive or negative feedback from people. No pleasure in any activities and take a very passive or sometimes passive aggressive role socially. 

 

I get very irritable and struggle to tolerate people.  I literally feel like everyone is a fucking moron who has been put on this earth to make my life more difficult, I cut people off who I don't have energy for. If people slight me (even small things) I can get upset and fantasize about revenge, etc.   I also generally suffer from restlessness, agitation and inability to focus or get motivated.  

 

 

Do any of these things sound like a personality disorder?  I don't know how to raise this with my pdoc at my first appointment which is coming up soon. 

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Unfortunately, we can't diagnose you over the internet, but I encourage you to bring your concerns up to your doctor. Depression and anxiety can be comorbid with a PD; they are not mutually exclusive. My depression manifests itself similarly to yours. I have also once been diagnosed with schizoid PD. Completely not sure that the schizoid PD diagnosis is correct, and it did not open the door to any additional treatment that made my life better in any way. How do you feel that a diagnosis of schizoid or other PD will advance your treatment?

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I wonder sometimes if I have some sort of personality disorder along with the depression and anxiety.

A tdoc/friend told me that last night that there is a gene for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  Hard to believe.

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crazyguy -

 

I wouldn't automatically jump to a PD conclusion.  What you describe sounds to me a lot like the way a mixture of depression and coping with chronic pain wears a person's inner resources down over time.  You say you take no pleasure in any activities - a worsening of anhedonia is characteristic of long-term depression.  Also, restlessness is considered a common side-effect of your Moclobemide; apathy is a less common one, but still a possibility.  When a person is suffering the way you are for a while, it's easy to lose patience with other people, especially if what they're doing isn't helping, or just reminds you that you're miserable.  (I myself do not suffer fools readily, and self-describe as a curmudgeon.)  It can be easy to feel like the Universe has it in for you when every hour seems like a burden and no one around you seems to understand.  But that doesn't mean you have a personality disorder.  It just means you're fighting a hard battle against tough odds.

 

You already have a dx.  I wouldn't worry about raising the question of a personality disorder with your new pdoc.  Just tell him or her how you feel, and what you think about, and if you fit the criteria for a new or different diagnosis, your pdoc will arrive at that from analysis.

Edited by Cerberus
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Unfortunately, we can't diagnose you over the internet, but I encourage you to bring your concerns up to your doctor. Depression and anxiety can be comorbid with a PD; they are not mutually exclusive. My depression manifests itself similarly to yours. I have also once been diagnosed with schizoid PD. Completely not sure that the schizoid PD diagnosis is correct, and it did not open the door to any additional treatment that made my life better in any way. How do you feel that a diagnosis of schizoid or other PD will advance your treatment?

To answer your question -  I have no idea how or if a DX of PD would advance my treatment.....   I am really just looking for a reason as to why I have been so unresponsive to many treatments so far and it would make sense to me that a PD cannot be treated with drugs in the same way the illness depression can. 

 

But I could be completely misunderstanding what a PD is.  I just happened to read an article on PD and thought "wow, that is me in large parts". 

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crazyguy -

 

I wouldn't automatically jump to a PD conclusion.  What you describe sounds to me a lot like the way a mixture of depression and coping with chronic pain wears a person's inner resources down over time.  You say you take no pleasure in any activities - a worsening of anhedonia is characteristic of long-term depression.  Also, restlessness is considered a common side-effect of your Moclobemide; apathy is a less common one, but still a possibility.  When a person is suffering the way you are for a while, it's easy to lose patience with other people, especially if what they're doing isn't helping, or just reminds you that you're miserable.  (I myself do not suffer fools readily, and self-describe as a curmudgeon.)  It can be easy to feel like the Universe has it in for you when every hour seems like a burden and no one around you seems to understand.  But that doesn't mean you have a personality disorder.  It just means you're fighting a hard battle against tough odds.

 

You already have a dx.  I wouldn't worry about raising the question of a personality disorder with your new pdoc.  Just tell him or her how you feel, and what you think about, and if you fit the criteria for a new or different diagnosis, your pdoc will arrive at that from analysis.

The point you make about the chronic pain & depression is good, they do wear you down and interestingly I have a new addition on the pain front this last month or so; still waiting to get that diagnosed. 

Restlessness has always been there so it isn't the moclobemide....    apathy could well be a side-effect........ my initial feelings were that it didn't cause the apathy you get with SSRIs but maybe over time it does have the same effect. Hmmm.  :wall:

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I can relate to a lot of what you describe and I was diagnosed with Schizotypal Personality Disorder about two years ago, though I had the symptoms for years before then.  The dx of a personality disorder didn't help me with medication much, but I felt like I knew myself better which was a super big thing for me.  I could finally say, "Ah hah, so that's why all these things happen to me that I couldn't explain before" or something like that.  

 

I finally received the dx when I tried to see a therapist and she told me my previous dx (bipolar) didn't fit with the symptoms I was describing to her.  She gave me several written and in-person tests and interviews to arrive at the Schizotypal dx.  I have more faith in a method like that than the 10 min session with the doc I saw as an inpatient when I was given the previous bipolar dx, so I accepted it.

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