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Are you really crazy if you know you are?


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I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 with rapid cycles in 2010. I lost my insurance in my divorce this summer and have been without meds and counseling since then. Since this summer I have quit taking care of myself. I have to force myself to bathe or brush my teeth. All I do is watch youtube videos all the time and the same ones over and over. I never eat and only drink something when I get so dehydrated I become physically ill. I know I have went over the edge and I feel I belong in an institution. Have I really went over the edge if I know I have? They say crazy people don't know they're crazy but I know I am. I can't associate with anyone because I really don't understand other people's emotions. I don't really feel I am a part of this world and I know I can't take care of myself. Any advice? I don't want to check in somewhere and make an ass out of myself.

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Just because you have insight doesn't mean that you're using it effectively. It's entirely possible to have insight and to know that you're symptomatic. If you're not using that knowledge to aggressively treat the symptoms, however, your insight isn't helping you very much.

Maybe, since you're insightful enough to know that you can't take care of yourself, you can instead work towards getting people to help you look after yourself? Or to look after you for you, since it's too much for you right now?

 

Don't worry about making an ass of yourself. They'll screen you for whether it's appropriate for you to be there or not.

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I think Rosie put it really well, so I'll just add this: it sounds to me like you're dealing with a great deal of situational depression on top of whatever your bipolar may be doing to you, and seeing a therapist might well be the best treatment for that. If you have no insurance, presenting yourself at your local emergency room might be a good place to start getting in touch with the low or no cost services in your area.

 

Edit for typo.

Edited by Gearhead
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I was crazy when I had my first major episode, and I knew it. I knew something was terribly wrong in my brain, but the asshole doctor I was going to refused to admit me to the hospital. Finally, I had a lucid moment where I knew it was go to the hospital or die. I went to the ER and was admitted to the psych unit. That was where I got diagnosed and started on treatment.

 

I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but checking yourself in will NOT make you look like an ass. Just a person who knows they need help. And there's nothing wrong with that.

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I don't think it really matters whether you know or not. My first mental illness diagnosis was ten years ago now, when I was 15 so I've been well aware for a long time now that I'm not well, never have been, probably never will be either but, whatever. Anyway, I know something is wrong but that doesn't mean it always helps me deal any better. For instance, a lot of the time I can tell if I am manic, I don't think I have enough insight to tell how severe the episode is but I know it's happening. Like I know I shouldn't be doing certain things but I'm all "I don't give a shit because I'm having the most greatest fucking time of my life and I just want to do all of these things and jump around and shit. And there's so many things in my head and i need to do all of these things right now because now and just now, all of the things".

Edit: I'm sorru, I'm feeling manic and I'm not really sure how much sense that made but I just feel like I need to keep writing because I feel need to write certain words over and over and words words words words words words words words words. I like words with mmmmmmm it feels nice to say mmmmmmmmm. Mmmmmmmm. Ugh. I can't stop. I need to go away now. Sorry.

Edited by *justalittleunstable*
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Nowadays I can tell when the cuckoo comes (so far, at least), but it always blindsided me in the past. And I was also aware that many of my hallucinations and delusions weren't real earlier this year when I had a bunch of them. So I definitely think you can be crazy even if you realize it. And just because you realize it doesn't mean you still won't do crazy things, as I discovered. It's like there are moments of "crazy amnesia" where you forget. And there are other times when you just don't seem to be able to control yourself even when you're aware of what's going on.

Edited by Flash
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Rosie has some great input.

 

I can know I'm being completely nuts but not do anything to stop it, short of seeing one of my docs. It's called insight. It's a good thing to have.

 

I hope you can get treatment and care soon. Don't ever worry about making an ass out of yourself. They've seen it all and much worse.

 

Take gentle care of yourself through these tough times. Be nice to yourself, don't beat yourself up, and if help is offered, take it. You deserve to feel better,

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