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siamesedream

Has anyone experienced complete, irreversible amnesia?

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Hi everyone,

 

I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post this on, as I'm new to the site and haven't been diagnosed as DD. I've been diagnosed as Bipolar NOS (major depressive episodes and mixed episodes), but I know this forum will have more experience in answering my question...

 

A while ago, I was experiencing a mixed episode and started cutting again. I hid it from my boyfriend, but eventually I knew he would find out and told him about it. He completely, completely freaked out. I'd trusted him and something just snapped inside me...

 

The next thing I remember is being pinned down on the bed, wrapped in a blanket and my boyfriend asking whether I had calmed down and he could let me go. He was bruised and bleeding from me attacking him, but I have absolutely no recollection of doing this.

 

It's not like I simply felt unreal or detached from myself. 'I', my sense of self, had disappeared and something else took over. I would never do things like this in 'normal' circumstances when I did not feel so deeply threatened and betrayed.This is the third time that something like this has happened to me in 5 years (I'm 21). It's not regular, but it's really damn scary.

 

The amnesia surrounding these events is complete and irreversible. Even when they tell me what happened and I try to remember, I don't remember. I've done some reading and it seems like this isn't even 'normal' by depersonalisation/derealisation standards. Has anyone on the forum experienced this?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I have had episodes with amnesia and lost time.  It doesn't happen to me much anymore, and as far as I know, I haven't hurt myself or anyone else during these episodes.  Once I took pictures on my iPhone during the time I was experiencing the episode.  I "woke up" in my car, in a lumber yard, very confused and scared.  I searched my phone to see if I had called or text anyone and that's when I discovered the pictures.  Apparently, I had gotten up early morning.  I went out to the mountains and watched the sunrise (pictures), then went to a coffee house (found pictures on my phone, a coffee cup and about a dozen pastries in my car),  I found pictures of myself (these pictures are all clearly selfies) sitting in a huge spool of orange cable???  I have no memory of any of these activities.   That was the last episode and it was about 8 months ago.  

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