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Yes, there was a neurochemical imbalance

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Fuck everyone who thought me not responding to MI meds meant I just needed therapy.


After finally finding a pdoc at the top of his field who also works in developing medication -- I have confirmation that all that I've experienced fits an abnormal profile where my brain chemicals are causing my depression.


I have a rare ass form of depression that lies in my brain not handling dopamine appropriately.  It *is* a thing.  A real condition.


So screw you for harping on me and trying to make me doubt myself when I knew it was real.


That's why a decade of therapy has never worked at all.  It was never me.  It was the lack of proper medication correction.


It's just so far out there, that most people don't know it exists.  It took an expert in the field to even know about it.


But it's real.  That's why after trying all these meds and constant therapy, I still want to die.  It didn't target the right thing.  It never had anything to do with therapy at all.  It was never me.


It may be rare, but screw you for making me doubt myself and feel like I was the one at fault for not getting well.


[i'm not naming names - just venting]


I think I deserve it after 10 years of taking crap.



I was right from the beginning.

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I totally agree with your assessment, all the talk therapy in the world has not helped me either. It's a brain chemistry thing. I have been on almost everything with no success, all that's left for me is an MAOI or ECT which both scare the crap out of me.


Let us know what you and your new doctor come up with, maybe it will help others ?


hope the best for you !


P.S., how did the emsam patch work for you ? Was the diet too difficult to handle ?

Edited by sook
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I hope you get the relief you are seeking from your new medication.


The intention of talk therapy isn't just to "cure" mental illness. In fact, it's a misnomer to think that it can "cure" any major mental illness on its own. However, I will stand by my advocacy for psychotherapy as an important adjunct to help people have the highest quality of life possible even if, or until, and after they find pharmacology that works for their body chemistry.


ETA: I think of this as akin to someone having type 2 diabetes and ONLY being given medication without also learning how diet and exercise play a role in the management of their illness and health.

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Talk therapy affects different areas of the brain than meds.

This is why therapy and meds together work more often than either alone.

Would rummage a link but my head hurts.

So you have serotonin insensitivity. How does one treat that?

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I'm disappointed that you think people here weren't supportive.  If we encourage members to get therapy when meds aren't working, I think it's just a sensible suggestion.  I don't think anyone here was trying to undermine your confidence or purposely disparaging you.


Particularly since this is a rare condition, how were we to know?


I hope there  is a treatment that will work effectively for your condition.



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Well, in all fairness, it wasn't on the open forums that this common opinion occurred. I *do* think that therapy is important and helps, if only as an outlet and support....

I think my frustration definitely showed in this post, perhaps unfairly. But, honestly... there has been a theme of "since your meds aren't working, you're somehow to blame and it's a therapy only thing - so you're doing that wrong".

As if I wasn't giving it a chance, and if I did, I'd be better.

That hurt. I respected that the opinion was in good faith, but it was hard knowing in my heart it was wrong, but not being able to defend myself.

It made me feel like others felt my MI was my fault, simply because I didn't get well.

In all honesty, I don't recall this post. Reading it, it's correct and expresses my emotions.. but if not for the neurological issue (that is scaring me and confuses the neuro and psych), I probably would have phrased it more diplomatically (or kept it to myself). Still -- it's not wrong.

There is just such a relief that it all makes sense. That it is a thing, it's just rare and hard to understand chemically... so it took someone at the top of the field to "get" it...

...and even more so that it was like, "of course it makes perfect sense, duh"... type of response from him once I spelled all the odities out. lol

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i don't know the circumstances around what triggered the need to vent, but i hear you LOUD AND CLEAR.  i've spent almost eighteen years now listening to people tell me that i'm not better because i need more therapy.  i just saw the head of the mood disorders unit at the hospital, who said that inappropriate talk therapy was never my problem, that i have issues with the meds that are NOT my fault, and that there was nothing i could have done differently so that i didn't end up in a life i wish every day that i could end.


the anger that brought out in me was immense.  i KNEW too, just like you.  finally someone whose authority nobody questions has said ON PAPER that i am extremely treatment resistant for more than one reason that is beyond my control, and that finding some relief is going to be a guessing game at best.


i'm sorry not only that you are also at this point - but that you had to endure the burden of "it must be something you're not doing right".  that part is almost as bad as the illness itself.  not only that, it feeds the illness.


i'm willing to bet that people's intentions were good when suggesting therapy, and FWIW i'll probably still go to therapy forever, just to deal with having to live with an illness that nobody can properly treat.  but i so understand that after hearing that enough times, you're ready to explode.  it's just that other people don't know we've heard it so many times and that we HAVE tried and it did NOT prevent episodes from happening (or stop them after they started).  it's not their fault if they don't know that, and it's not our fault we've got to the point where it has become so frustrating.  it just all around sucks.

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Thank you so much.  I don't blame them, and I'm sorry that anyone else can relate to it.... but the fact that you *get* it means so much.  It is almost as bad as the illness itself, in that, it does cause damage.  As much as I know intentions were good, and I too think therapy is a good thing even though it doesn't help the MI - it helps with dealing with it -- it makes you feel lost in a whole different way.


I don't know if that got put in his internal report or not, but the fact that he said it "matter of fact" means the world.  That all of the weird reactions made complete sense and "was a thing".... and it's not what the MDD meds target at all.  Of course they didn't work in that light.  I've been right all along.

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