Greetings everyone, I had honestly forgotten about my mood disorder. I have gone for years without any major episodes.
Over the summer I had renewed my eyeglasses/contact prescription from a clinic affiliated with my childhood. In my file they had mailed me, it stated a diagnose of bipolar. Yeah right, had taken medication in my younger years for both depression and adhd. I experienced extreme reactions to both. Whatever. Long time ago anyways. I'm just a dude with lots of empathy, my motto is care more. Never looked back.
Then... yah know, 'till now.
Had a long hypomanic period (almost a year) that enveloped two short states (about a week or two a piece) of depression. It ended in a four to five week period of mania. Not the feel good everything is sweet, but dysphoricky, psychotic kind, terminologies, mixed, mind trickery bleh. Sucky.
I feel pretty fucking depressed right about now. Postdroming would be the hip lingo methinks. Or post-whatever-whatever.
When I was manic I related my experience to times in my past I had felt similar. This most recent bout, the most extreme by far, is not the first time I have experienced hallucinations or delusions during those "difficult" times.
Anyways, it seems that for the most part, I float from one period of hypomania to the next with intermittent periods of mild depression. Up and down, up and down for two, three, four years then... boom! Shit just gets unreal, blend of all symptoms. Depression for a few months, rinse and repeat.
To pose my question, is there a possibility that one could spend so much time on the manic side of life? It is kinda opposite of the descriptions for bipolar 2 I have read, I dunno maybe. My depression only feels like contrast to my elation. Hard to describe. As difficult as it is right now, it is not nearly as terrifying as my mania.
Also, is it realistic to pursue a life without medical attention until one should really be institutionalized during full mania?
Would I be lying to myself by embracing my hypomania? Maybe I am just not experiencing any symptoms during those times and I'm just a philosophical, passionate, eccentric. It all just reads like hypomania...fuck. I don't know, I am trying to understand. Crazy talk... Though I have read that episodes can last for a long time. Maybe I have just learned to cope with depression but not mania. I don't know. I am not suicidal but have had suicidal ideations during my episodes.
A close friend of mine since childhood had a psychotic episode or break last year and is being effectively treated for psychosis. I know that medication serves a very real purpose. I mean, my mother has struggled with controlling her bipolar type 2 with various medications her entire life, but it helps her control it. I have always had poor experiences with any sort of medicines aside from antibiotics. Hah! Had some pretty weird hallucinations after getting a tetanus shot with some added violent mood swings, paranoia and blacking out forgetting where you are kinda shit. Lasted three days. Hard to paint a house with that goin on. Avoid ladders...
Maybe I'm just afraid... A lot has been going through my head. Not as bad as it was for a minute though.
That being said, care more my friends and thank you for any input. May we build eachother up! We may not heal, we may not get stronger, but damn it, we will get better at fighting!
So, I've noticed, as my symptoms are starting to return, that I don't have the typical bipolar episodes. Even for rapid cycling.
I have psychosis all the time, mostly paranoid delusions, a couple delusions of grandeur, general paranoia, and possibly mild hallucinations (seeing shadows,but that could just be common tricks of the eye that I put more meaning into because of my delusions.)
My mood tended to be elevated more than depressed, and even when I self harmed it would usually be because I was overly anxious, or frustrated/angry, and restless that it was a way for me to calm myself temporarily. I've since stopped, although the desire to do so is returning but I haven't acted on it. When I would feel depressed and/or suicidal it was more likely to be a result from anxiety and being overwhelmed. My anxiety, irritability, and delusions would cause me to draw away from friends and family. And then I would feel alone, tired, and depressed. This would either switch between my elevated moods quickly (multiple times a day, or every couple days tops) or they would happen together. I don't remember if I would ever go through periods of time without feeling any sort of mood issues but still being psychotic. There may have been times when I wasn't depressed or elevated, but I would still have anxiety and social awkwardness.
Most of my mood swings (this is what my family tells me, I was a bit out of touch with reality to keep track of it myself. Although I was very good at hiding the paranoia and delusions, not the mood swings though) were switching between extreme irritability and giddiness/excessive happiness.
Another note, is that even when I'm manic (I assume it's mania, unless the diagnosis is wrong and it's something else?) I have no trouble sleeping. I tend to stay up late, but I have no problem sleeping in. I actually have a bit of a problem with oversleeping, and am often unable to wake up before 2pm unless I set multiple alarms. I know a lack of sleep is a tell tale sign of mania, so I'm wondering how common it is to have mania without it.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 with rapid cycling/mixed episodes (one psychiatrist said rapid cycling and another said mixed episodes) and put on lamotrigine for the past 3 years. For the most part my mood issues stabilized, with less severe irritability and elevated feelings not as often. My psychotic symptoms didn't completely disappear, but they were less intense, more easily ignored.
I'm just worried that I may have been misdiagnosed. I've heard that schizoaffective disorder and bipolar disorder with psychosis are sometimes confused with each other, but I don't really know much about the former. And of course I'm not a professional, so I can't make a diagnosis. I just wanted some opinions and maybe some help. Thanks.
I just joined CB and I didn't really want to make a new thread to whine about myself but I guess I feel a bit scared out here on my own.
I'm currently trying to complete my last semester of college, after already having to repeat a year. I'm only taking 1 class, but it's a constant struggle. I can't attend class and I got behind from the start and have yet to fully catch up.
I was just diagnosed last year with BPNOS--BP1, with rapid cycling. I was on Lamictal for a bit fall/winter of 2013, but my dad lost his job so there went my insurance, and I just got it back this semester. Back then my BP had seemed quite manageable, but since October, I feel like I've been holding onto the side of a cliff by my fingernails, trying my best not to fall off. I refuse to not graduate this year, though, because I've come so far, and I'm not repeating another year. I either finish this semester or I don't graduate.
This semester, I've gotten back on the Lamictal along with Seroquel, and we've slowly been raising both, but I have yet to feel a difference. In fact, as the semester has progressed, I've felt all the more unstable. I feel like maybe I could benefit from IP, if anything to get the medications in order, but I remain firm on my decision to see the semester through to the end. At this point, there are just 6 weeks left.
I guess, I just want to know that I'm not the only one trying to hold it together like a car that you can tell is falling apart but you're just praying will make it to the end of the road trip xD
I'm so tired but can't sleep well or stop waking up too early. I'm going from manic to depressive to angry on a daily basis....and there's no way to predict which direction my mood is going to swing next. I see my pdoc Thursday at 9am (it's now tuesday at 5pm).
This was triggered by the damn steroids for my pneumonia. I am calling to have them black marked in my med file at my medical doc's office— this feels hellish.
I don't know how to deal with this...
My anxiety levels have risen, too. I don't care about anything then I get angry about too many things, rage almost...a foreign feeling to me. I haven't felt this pissed off in over 10 years, with blood boiling b/c I feel like someone is trying to fuck me over.
Then the crying fits. Make it fucking end
*image from the website below.. i do not own it nor did i create the chart/graph*
What would you add to this as most helpful and least helpful? or what do you already see on it that you agree with?
A combination of meds, therapy and small stuff can help someone a lot.