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Dumped for Being Bipolar


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First of all, this isn't your fault and you haven't wrecked your own life. You're not well and you need help and support.

I'm really not good at comforting people, I'm really not so I won't go there but just please, know that this is not your fault. As happy as you were before, if he can't handle you at your worst, then I think better to find out now rather than later. There will be someone better later and they will love you, no matter what.

Also, your sister sounds like a callous b****. I don't like her.

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I'm sorry, Beliah. One of the worst things about being MI is the havoc it wreaks in our relationships.

Your sister's comments are ghastly and your parents' response appalling.

Please call your pdoc again Monday morning. Regardless of how hopeless you feel right now, you deserve to feel better.

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I'm really sorry this happened to you and I am sorry for the way everyone (family) treated you.  I think though if he can't help you/support you/talk to you/etc during your most difficult times, then I think he isn't worth it. 

 

Like justalittleunstable said, someone will come along later and be there for you through the thick and thin of it.  I think it is better for you to find out now, than to have him fake liking you and lying to your face about how he felt, etc, only for you to find that out later on down the road.

 

I would call your pdoc back over and over until someone calls you back.  I usually will say I will call them back in a half an hour if I haven't heard back from someone.  And then just call every half hour until you hear back. 

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I'm sorry this happened. During every bad episode I try to convince my bf to break up with me because he could have a better life. And when he doesn't disagree my whole being shatters into pieces even though it's what I want him to do because it's what's best for him. 

 

Try to look for support outside of your family. Maybe groups. Maybe NAMI. Something. 

 

And when my pdoc's office doesn't answer me or doesn't call me back I call over and over again. You have to be your own advocate. 

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Hugs to you Beliah, I had wondered where you had disappeared to. Breaking up is horrible, let alone when are already depressed, or (worse) because you're depressed. Look after yourself, you can handle this. PS put your phone away for a few days if you can, if you can pull off a dignified silence you'll feel better in the long run.

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I am so sorry that you've had this experience.

 

Let me say, though, that I understand your boyfriend's position. When somebody threatens suicide, it is intensely emotional for the person on the receiving end of the threat. It is scary, and depending on the context, it can feel like manipulation, like you are demanding love or affection as a condition of remaining alive. Obviously I don't know exactly what was said, but I can imagine that the deluge of texts and phone calls you made to him afterwards made him feel like you were making him responsible for your well-being, and that is a lot to take. I am not saying he was justified in dumping you or that it's your fault, but just that if you were in his shoes as the object of such an emotional bomb, you might have chosen to cut contact too.

 

I was recently in this position with a friend and I chose to cut contact. I hope you are able to find peace with his decision.

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It is extremely callous for him to say that he doesn't want your illness to impact his life in any way. Obviously that is just not reasonable...every person with bipolar disorder occasionally has struggles which interfere with their ability to act "normal" and that is bound to impact your romantic partner. You have every right to have a companion who can help out as you struggle with symptoms, and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty for looking for some empathy from your partner.

 

That said, consider carefully what you said about being dumped. In your words, "if your main concern, as you claim, is that something you say will drive me to suicide, isn't dumping me the worst thing you could do? Everyone feels much worse after being dumped." Do you see how that could be indicating that he would be responsible for any action you chose to take following the break up? Even if you didn't mean it that way, and were speaking hypothetically to make a point, can you understand why he heard manipulation there?

 

I really don't intend to come across as unsupportive, because I feel for you, really. I guess I just want to stress that threatening suicide is a very serious emotional event for a partner to deal with. I have been in your position, where I was moderately depressed and then had an altercation with my spouse that made things much worse and triggered suicidality. I have wanted to die to "punish" my partner for not giving me enough support. I have been there. (In fact, I was "there" in CB chat, totally off the rails and counting my pills. It was bad.)

 

I guess what I am saying is that there is a lesson to be learned. Threatening suicide is something that people take personally, especially if it is (partially) a reaction to their behavior. It is emotional terrorism, where the recipient of the threat lives with the very real fear that you might actually die AND that it would be THEIR fault. It is hard to control what you say in the heat of the moment, sure, but part of coping is knowing when you need more help than what your partner can give you. Maybe next time you would be better served by going to the ER and getting immediate help before you say something you regret. Sometimes the hospital bill is a lot less painful than the repurcussions of taking it out on someone you care about, you know?

 

Wishing you the best.

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Do you see a pdoc and/or a tdoc?  They might be able to help you more than your GP.  Just a thought.

 

I'm not in America so I don't know what a pdoc and tdoc are, sorry. I'll try to see if there's an emergency appointment at the psychiatrist's, but usually it takes a month. I made my last appointment back in early November, so I'm due in Jan 9th.

 

 

I'm sorry, a pdoc is a psychiatrist and a tdoc is a therapist.

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I'm very sorry you went thru that. I know how hard and hurtful it can be, but to be honest we can be more then a handful for some people and not everyone will be able to handle this. It impacts ourselves, family, friends and everyone around us too. Many people will cut all ties at the first sign of trouble, others try to hang on as long as they can. We can experience total disruption in our lives, but we always get past it!

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