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Paranoid about my Pdoc


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Hi,

I'm new here so if this doesn't post properly, I'm sorry. :/

Some background: I was Dxed MDD at 16 or so. Dumped my meds at 18 and pretended everything away. That worked (ha!) for about a decade or so. Been seeing docs for a year or so now. My Pdoc was considering cyclothymia 3 months ago. At the time I was on oxcarbazepine and Ativan PRN. I was also maxed out on Zoloft which had originally been Rxed by my GP. That ended up putting me in the hospital last month and now they're thinking BP.

I have a question:

Does anyone else get paranoid about their Pdoc? I love mine (platonically). He's a really great guy and he's been awesome for the last 7 months or so I've been working with him. Problem is, now I'm starting to get paranoid that he doesn't believe me and he thinks I'm making shit up. (He has done nothing to indicate this. Like I said, he's great.) This is exactly why I made the poor choice to dump my therapist last year. I should not have left therapy but started getting paranoid that my Tdoc was fed up with me. I don't get it. Is this distorted thinking?

Thank you in advance for your time.

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Welcome to CB :)

IMO, it sounds like distorted thinking. I get this quite a lot too. But that's just my opinion and obviously I'm not a doctor, lol. I would definitely asked my doctor about it. I was feeling really hypo one day when I went to see my GP and just blurted out something along the lines of "I feel like I'm annoying you and that you're tired of hearing about all of my constant issues every month". In short, his answer was no, he wasn't sick of me and he basically reminded me that I have a legitimate illness and he his trying to help me live a better life....blah, blah. So, I totally get how you feel with this, it is hard sometimes.

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This hasn't happened with my current pdoc, but with my former ones this happened.  My thinking led to not trusting them, and then things happened that made me question them more.  Then I dropped them. 

 

I agree with others to bring up how you feel towards your DR with them. 

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That sucks Yavien. I hope you have a good session with your tdoc. I know a week can feel like forever, trust me. 

 

I sometimes get paranoid that I'm too crazy for my pdoc, and he's going to dump me. Don't know if that's the same. I got it from being dumped by other pdocs that were retiring and one that was crazier than me, after a suicide attempt.

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Sounds like your roommate needs to learn to keep his or her yap shut. Tell Roommate that you are not an experiment or a test case to be observed and commented upon.

And talk to your tdoc about your feelings. They're part of you MI, so she needs to know.

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I think it's a very common thing for people with mood disorders to feel like their pdocs think we're fake. But rationally that is very rarely the case, they know that our mental illnesses are serious and are trying to help us.

realistically you know that your MI causes you so much distress that you cannot possibly be making shit up and your doctor will know that too, what with having access to all your records of meds and hospitalisation. It's difficult to see past the lies and anxieties brought about by your illnesses but it's the truth: nobody actually thinks you're bullshitting, least of all your doctor.

I am sorry you feel this way, perhaps *just to make sure* you could seek verbal reassurance from your doc??? It will hopefully ease your anxiety a little, if you hear them say you aren't a fake or a burden or annoying.

sorry if I rambled or didn't make much sense, I'm hypo atm. Well, I tried!

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Thank you all. I texted my Tdoc on Saturday and it wasn't very helpful but I'm hoping face to face this week will be better. I'm hoping to see her on Tuesday and then depending on what she says I may call my Pdoc. It's frustrating because I feel like I've been at this long enough that I must be doing something wrong if I'm not improving.

As for the roommate, I wish I had the guts. I'm so bad at advocating for myself :(

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