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taken over by my therapist

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I had psychdynamic psychotherapy from june 2002 to july 2003

It was unhelpful and eventually became long silent sessions. So i left. Which i think was the best thing i could have done.

But i still go over it and over it and over it. I cant stop. I feel possessed. i just want the whole experience never to have happened.

I feel like i need therapy to get over the therapy. But i am afraid it will just exacerbate the problem and dont feel i could ever go to another psychotherapist (though i do see a counsellor)

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My counsllor says to me that she could have just been a not very good therapist and that im not a terrible cowardly person for quitting the therapy.

But i feel that telling myself that she wasnt a good therapist is just a way of dismissing her and a defence mechanism that means i will never be an authentic person and i will always lie to myself and only hear what i want to hear.


One of the most important, probably the most important, aspects of a good therapeutic relationship is establishing a good rapport between you and your tdoc. You need to find a "good fit" with a therapist, someone who will work best with your style of communication, someone who has experience with dealing with the type of issues you want and need to work with in therapy, and someone with whom you feel comfortable.

Sometimes you have to shop around until you can find the best fit therapist for you. I know this is not always possible, but if it is, finding the right therapist will give you an entirely different experience.

Other than what I have said, Karuna has offered excellent advice and an alternative perspective for you to think about.

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THe hting is i said that kind of thing to the therapist before i left. She said that id havve the same experiences with anyone and that i was just running away from therapy and its just convenient for me to dismiss her.

So my more rational mind can say it just didnt work with her but on an emotional level ive taken it incredibly personally.

And it doesnt help that my care team have all been extremely disapproving of me stopping the therapy and basically said the same thing as the therapist. They say what is the point of them referring me onto a different therapist (NHS) cos how do they know it wont be the same.

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Unless you have an established history of being uncooperative in therapy.

Everyone has to find a good fit in therapists, and you can't expect any one therapist to absolutely fit you.

IMHO it doesn't sound like the team is very supportive.  What is their solution?  "We will just leave you untreated, nyaaah!" Gee, why not take a chance that another therapist might do better?

Try to emphasize to your care team that your silences were not willful uncooperation, but a growing discomfort with the process and the therapist.

Something else to discuss with them is the style of therapy.  There are many different styles, each therapist has a specialty.  Perhaps a therapist with a different style would suit you better.

Good luck,


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FWIW, i have had the EXACT same experience, over and over again. As a teenager, I saw a social worker, a psychologist, another therapist.. and much of it spent staring at the carpet.

the one i have now, i LOVE. i talk. i talk about ANYTHING. everything. something. sometimes i stare at the carpet, but it's totally different from before.

the person i am seeing now, i began to see when he was a student (cheaper) and right away it felt.. 'different'. here was a person who was responsive and seemed like there were speaking to ME, not some generic client/patient version. remembered things i'd said before. responded, reflected, seemed compassionate.

so i can tell you, coming out of therapIES that were basically awkward silence, that there is life in therapy afterward.

just because most people (it seems) just take first person they get, and let a less than great relationship help them deal with their most personal demons.. means that care administrators end up expecting that we all just take who we're given.. or that we're 'difficult'.. and that all therapy is the same. the therapist.. what they said.. where's that jackboot. really. FRUCK.

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Heya fudge,

(edited for typos, argh)

What AirMarshall said.

I fired my therapist long after I should have.

We were talking, her and my DH and me, but not accomplishing *anything.*

I whined a bit about it on the boards until I got the guts to do what you've done and stopped seeing her.

With DH's full support.

I said then and I'll still say she might be a good therapist but NOT for me.

My psychiatrist, whom I finally met a couple of weeks ago, applauded me for firing that therapist and plans to give me some names of ones that he knows, who might work well with me.

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