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Is Healing Triggering?


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Does anyone else find the healing process triggering? It has occurred to me that I find it harder and harder to stop the more recently I've sh'd. Even when I can't see them (which is a big trigger for me), healing wounds don't feel good. You know they're there. It contributes to my feelings of "I've already given in once, who cares now."

 

It freaks me out that even if I'm trying not to sh, I am "enjoying" having sh'd. Despite the guilt and the shame. 

 

I don't know if this post is too close to the line for rules. Please edit/delete/whatever if it is.

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Absolutely. Though I feel triggered seeing my old scars too and I often get phantom healing scars. It can be weeks since my last scars have healed and my area of choice will feel like I recently cut. And that is so triggering when I don't have scars too for some reason.

I totally relate with the process being triggering

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Not so much the healing ones as they already supply a constant pain/discomfort which is kind of an extended high for me. But long after when they're healed I'll look at the scars and get triggered. I actually got a very meaningful tattoo where I used to cut the most and I can't cut anywhere near it anymore. When I see it I just can't. So for me that has worked- at least for that side of my body. 

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Healing was triggering for me in the sense that I didn't want it to happen, and would interfere with the wounds to delay it as long as possible.  All that did was make my scars worse/more startling for other people to see.

 

I do/did this. I would delay cutting again because I could get similar results just interfering. Except it would eventually get too healed and just be itchy and that alone would make me want to cut again.

 

And yeah, my scars are horrible.

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I definitely find the healing process triggering. It's like watching what I did to myself come undone.

 

I felt this very much. I certainly found the healing process triggering. It sounds sick, but there was a sense of pride I had in my self harm, and watching them heal felt like my work was destroyed. I also found some of the pain of healing part of the pleasure of self harm. Normally the healing was more of a process then the self harm. I think also because taking care of my injuries was somewhat self soothing. 

 

It did seem to get easier for me the longer I had gone without SI. Working at a summer camp with little children all day probably helped a lot too, since it was 90 degrees, and I didn't want any of my kids seeing open wounds. 

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Yes, healing is triggering. The discomfort and itchiness constantly remind me of SH and thinking about it too often makes urges stronger. And then when it's fully healed it's like something is missing. I avoid looking at that area altogether because it just leads me to wanting to SH more whichever stage of healing I happen to be at the moment.

 

I usually stop when I get sick or when in preparation for a medical exam or some other special occasion like that. Then I feel fine without SH until I get disturbed enough to SH again and then it's back to being triggered by my own healing process.

 

I don't feel that my work is being destroyed as it is for rabbitrage and Melly but the look and sting of new wounds feel more natural than their healed counterpart do.

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  • 2 years later...
On 1/22/2015 at 10:39 PM, beautifultragedy said:

Absolutely. Though I feel triggered seeing my old scars too and I often get phantom healing scars. It can be weeks since my last scars have healed and my area of choice will feel like I recently cut. And that is so triggering when I don't have scars too for some reason.

 

I totally relate with the process being triggering

 

do you know why the phantom sensation occurs? its something ive dealed with since the beginning of my si but its never made sense to me

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