So I've been with my boyfriend on and off for almost 5 years. I want to love him I really do, I want to have a good relationship. But we don't even have sex. I'm 21 years old, almost 22. I still love with my mom and I suffer from depression. I'm worried I'll fall into a spiral of depression like I did the last time we broke up and I almost committed suicide. It would be so much easier if I had someone to talk to to tell me it would all be fine and i will find somebody else who makes me way more happy. Honestly I don't remember when my life was somewhat normal. I work 50,000 times harder then my boyfriend. I actually make decent money and I'm going places and being recognized for things I do. Where as my boyfriend hasn't worked in months, he just now got a job that pays him an average amount of money. For a man I think it's shit pay. My dad and all the men in my family basically except my mom side. Work super hard for their cash. My dads side is very traditional in that sense. So the fact that I'm dating a low life is very concerning. I have cheated and we broke up then got back together a few times. We have got in raging fights etc I've thrown things. Clearly very unhealthy. I used to be much happier. I wish I had friends. My only friend is my mom and him. It's very depressing. Right now I'm on a very low dose of escitalopram. Which helps a bit and my job definitely helps but I don't have a good support system at home. I miss having friends and a supportive boyfriend. I don't know how to help this situation. Or maybe I do and I just need some encouragement. Any advice? Anyone been through something similar? No judgment please. If I want judgment I'll go to Yahoo answers... lol thanks in advance ??
photo is from when we first started dating maybe less than I year in.
I haven't had any friends since I was about 11, and I'm 32 now. Now, I try to make friends at my volunteer jobs, but people just ignore me, and it doesn't happen. I think that there's danger for someone who doesn't have any friends long-term (I mean 5 plus years of not having a friend, besides a family member). Yes, I have my mom and dad to talk with, but it isn't the same thing as having a friend who's around my age.
When I was a teen without friends, I turned to music for comfort and happiness. I used to totally fantasize about , idolize, and adore singers and bands and any decent-looking male in the public eye.
I read that having friends to laugh with and have fun with is like a "pressure cooker" (is that the right word?), in that friends are like the holes in something that lets hot steam out, and without those "holes/friends" I can only imagine that a person would not be healthy and "normal" and would have tons of problems, which is what I am like. One guy said he'd go crazy if he didn't have any friends to blow steam off with. So, I wonder what not having friends has done to me. I can understand if many celebrity stalkers are people who chronically lack friends and/or have trouble making them, because this lack can lead to people worshiping, fantasizing about, and idolizing people who are in the public eye and who are attractive and popular.
Now, I try to make friends at volunteer jobs, but I'm totally ignored and left out, like I'm invisible.