Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Hello.. I'm crazy too.


Recommended Posts

Hello, just wanted to introduce myself and give a little background info.

My depression and axiety started around 13, around the same time I started smoking pot and drinking with friends. Our drug use kept escalating throughout high school and eventually we were taking LSD and shrooms pretty regularly, like every weekend or so, and at the same times smoking weed almost every day. I didn't feel social or normal without taking drugs. I didn't know how to act in certain situations without being high. At the time it was a great outlet for escaping the anxiety and depression that plagued me.

Eventually I had a really bad experience with shrooms and freaked out. I thought I was going to die that night tripping alone in my bedroom. I withdrew from almost all of my friends and quit drugs all together. For about a year I remained this way still thinking that my body was damaged and I was slowly dying. ;) I think PTSD resulted from this. 

Once I got into college I started feeling normal again and started hanging out with new friends. Towards then end of college and even after graduation in December or 02 I was at it again, this time weed, alchohol, ecstacy, abusing adderrall and other prescription drugs like xanax, valium, and loratabs. Up until the beginning of this year I was still drinking heavily, smoking weed, and taking loratabs. I've since quit everything but occassional drinking.

Last year the panic attacks started. They seemed to be triggered by too much caffeine and constantly worrying about money. I talked to my parents about it and they both have anxiety and have had panic attacks which I did not know. I went to my general practitioner and he gave me Zoloft to help with my symptoms. SSRIs have worked wonderfully for me. Zoloft pooped out after quitting for a while then restarting but I switched to Lexapro and things have been good.  I'm finally able to deal with my problems without abusing any drugs and for the first time in my life @ 25 I have a serious relationship that looks like it might go somewhere.

I still have concerns about a few things... like my suspicion that I might be BP. I've had spending problems (racked up a $10,000 credit card bill in college, which I'm still paying for), a reckless driving ticket, impulsiveness, easily distracted, etc. I've also had episodes where I've been extremely depressed and that's why I suspect it. I really don't know what to do. Anyways, sorry for blabbering so much, just wanted to say hi.  :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hi savage,

thank you for saying hi. and welcome to the boards. have you ever gone for therapy? having an undiagnosed mental illness and trying to cope with it yourself via alcohol and drugs is unfortunately all too common. i would strongly recommend that you go to your gp and ask for a referral to a good therapist. someone who you can talk to and who can help you discover if you do have a mental illness or not. many people have a strong resistance to therapy. but a therapist doesn't MAKE you mentally interesting (the crazyboards version of mentall ill), they help you learn about yourself to discover if you are MI. and if you are MI then you can get help for that via talk or medical therapy.

knowledge is power. REAL power.

it can be pretty terrifying even thinking that you might be MI. it was for me. but i find relief in that knowledge now. i'm 35, and for the last 15 years or so i believed that i was the loathesome maggot that depression told me i was. now i'm trying to think otherwise. but it is hard. but it is the way forward.

and maybe some therapy might be a good way forward for you. it's something to think about anyway.

take care,

grouse.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hi savage,

thank you for saying hi. and welcome to the boards. have you ever gone for therapy? having an undiagnosed mental illness and trying to cope with it yourself via alcohol and drugs is unfortunately all too common. i would strongly recommend that you go to your gp and ask for a referral to a good therapist. someone who you can talk to and who can help you discover if you do have a mental illness or not. many people have a strong resistance to therapy. but a therapist doesn't MAKE you mentally interesting (the crazyboards version of mentall ill), they help you learn about yourself to discover if you are MI. and if you are MI then you can get help for that via talk or medical therapy.

knowledge is power. REAL power.

it can be pretty terrifying even thinking that you might be MI. it was for me. but i find relief in that knowledge now. i'm 35, and for the last 15 years or so i believed that i was the loathesome maggot that depression told me i was. now i'm trying to think otherwise. but it is hard. but it is the way forward.

and maybe some therapy might be a good way forward for you. it's something to think about anyway.

take care,

grouse.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hey there... I've never been to therapy. I want to go really badly I just haven't worked up the courage to. I want to know what is wrong with me... but at the same time I don't want them to tell me I'm perfectly OK because I know I'm not... it's hard to explain I guess.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hi again,

you don't have to explain because i know exactly what you mean. feeling that you are probably MI and then going to a therapist and having them tell you that 'no, you are not MI' is a very common fear. because it would mean that you just can't cope with life the way other people do. and therefore you are less than other people in whatever way you perceive.

so no explanations are needed for that. but i do suggest that you might ask for a referral to a therapist for an evaluation. and yes, i do understand how much courage is needed for this. it is always easier to run from something than to stop, and turn, and face it.

posting here is a big step too. give yourself credit and be proud. in a way you're acknowledging something that you've probably felt for a long time. whatever is going on for you is very real, and stopping to address it is difficult. it takes courage. and courage is a hard thing to build. some people cannot build enough to address their problems, whatever they may be.

so well done and good luck,

grouse.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey Savage...just wanted to welcome you to Crazyboards. I myself have had similar experiences as yourself...essp. when it comes to panic/anxiety etc...I hope you find the boards useful. If you need help with anything here, please PM me...Lisa

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...