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scatty

Is this right?

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Please don't  move this to the relationship forum with the cobwebs.  Please anyone, help me.

 

In October I got married, after being with the same guy for 24 years.  I am happy to be married, but I am manic right now.  He used to know what to say, what to do, how to be compassionate.  Now granted he is in constant pain awaiting surgery, he triggers me- but I love him so much.  He is mean, and says I am mean.  I can't trust my mind.  We have both talked divorce, when we have never broken up for the 24 yrs prior.  Never said "I am gonna leave you" never uttered a threat to hurt one another.  He says I feel I have a pass because of my MI.  But we go through this once or twice a year (my episodes) for 24 years, now he thinks I am manipulating him, faking it, or something.  I take my meds, go to my pdoc, do self help workbooks, but he KNEW this is a degenerative disease that only gets worse.  I made that cleasr many times.  I am afraid he doesn't love me and resents me for my MI, not being able to work (recently took his FIRST ever stab at this saying that if maybe I had a job I could afford homemade chocolates for our sons.)  Am I insane and overreacting?  Could he be feeling he might die during his surgery (He's said this to me) and is pushing me away?  Or am I really a wacko cunt, and if so, WHY would he marry me? 

 

I am lonely for the first time in 25 years, and now that I told my mom he swore at me and he talked to her, I feel everyone is against me.

 

 

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I'm sorry, but this just doesn't belong in the bipolar section. I'm not even sure why you object to relationships, since way more people will see it that if it remains here. I'm moving it to relationships.

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scatty, I think MI issues place a great strain on a relationship, whether you are married or not.

 

I remember times in the past when you've had some serious fights with your hubby.  However, you have children together and I think that you both love each other.  Maybe the thing to do is to cut each other some slack during this difficult time.  Give him some psychic space if he is in physical pain while he waits for his surgery, and don't make a lot of emotional demands on him.  Don't give each other ultimatums---that never turns out well.

 

olga

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Thank you both for replying.  It turns out I was in a mixed episode.  On abilify now and everything is so much better.  The day before all this happened I walked 3 miles home from Dunkin' Donuts in the middle of the street, that should have maybe clued me in!

 

We got married because of health and financial reasons mostly.  The sad thing is my mother talked to DH, don't know what he said (he says nothing bad, just that he didn't know how to handle me.)  The next day she left six hand written pages of bible verses (not even related to marriage) on our kitchen table.  She has BP, but denies it and is a born again Christian.  I assume she thinks we are doomed and has told everyone in the family, just because that's what she does.  This is what I deal with when I confide in her, but I guess I was outta my mind and am reaping what i sowed.

 

This disorder is just horrible for everyone.  I kinda wish I never met DH or had kids, as they are drawn into this hell.  Then I feel so guilty for thinking like that- what mother would have such thoughts?  It gets better, but then it always gets worse.  I sometimes wish I had cancer instead, because then at least you either die or get better.  (No offense to those dealing with cancer, just my personal thoughts at this time.)

 

Mental illness is the only disease that denies itself, even in death.  No proof you had it, no sure treatment, high suicide rate.  I'm just so tired.

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I'm glad that it was brain cooties, oddly enough...

Because it means your relationship is still fundamentally viable, it was your wonky head telling you otherwise.

...glad you still post here occasionally. You're cool.

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Thanks Stickler- I know you.  You are cool too!  Turns out I had been manic for awhile, and when pdoc put me on geoden last month, I only got worse.  Although I thought I was fine!  Shit, I can destroy anything or anyone without even realizing it.  Scary shit.  Be well all!

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