Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org

Just when I had begun to like this place--


Recommended Posts

This wil be brief--as most of you know, I moved to Fla. with the goal of a great little part-time job at the Harley dealership, which I got, and it lasted all of about 8 weeks before I got layed off.  Not to worry, filed for unemployment--

Fla. says ithe claim goes back to SC since I haven't worked here enough--no problem, as the girl at SC says since I quit to relocate with my hubby, I am eligible for $300 per week.  OK, I can deal, and job -hunt.

Surprise-surprise.  That info was totally and completely wrong.  SC considers that I quit volujarily, and they don't care if hubby got relocated, I am NOT ELIGIBLE FOR ANY UNEMPLOYMENT EVER, SINCE I VOLUNTARILY QUIT THE JOB. (and yes, that is correct nformation--I verified, and I used to be a HR manager)

Bottom line--we cannot pay our rent or bills this month or next, and what was to be Valentine-Claus is now gonna be---oh, probably June-Claus, cause there won't be any money till I cal get a decent full-time job.  And I mean no money, no food, no rent, no nothing.--and no meds. No food stamps--too much money.

Good thing-My hubby was on the phone to my calm, organized, first-things-first daughter before I even hit the floor this AM.(which I did, and hard--almost passed out)  And I was at least able to form sentences, all day. Which, knowing me, all considered a huge step ahead.  But that deep dark ugly depression is sitting there, waiting for me to stop and let my guard down.  Then, all bets are off.  If it wernt for seeing my kids in a week, I would already be dead.

I don't know where or what we will do--we cannot afford to move, we just didn't think this thing out and save up enough money in advance, it seems.

I am eating Klonopin like candy and an totally useless, tho I did manage to make an apt, for a job interview in Jan, on the 7th or so

I can't figure out what I did to evoke this response from the universe/cause this karma/etc.  But its nasty and ugly and dark and mean--its like the absence of all light and all hope and a black hole that has sucked everything good and happy out of my soul.  I am very afraid--and so very tired.

And just yesterday, I found out I could finally read again, and spent the afternoon reading at the beach and loving the new place I live, for the very first time.

How strange and sad and ironic.

love, china, from the depths of a hell I wish on no one ever--the kind that is slowly eating my soul, a little at a time, till there will be nothing left of china very soon, just the shell. And the shell will be filled with fear and loathing--

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh China, I'm so sorry for your misfortune...but whatever you do, do NOT let this situation get you down.  YOu've worked too hard to try to get better to let a stupid business fuck you up.  It is only a business transaction -- nothing to do with you. 

Try to function day by day, hour by hour.  Don't start fearing the future and your bills and money issues.  Just concentrate on the matters at hand which I guess would be taking care of your mental health and finding a job.  Purge the defeating, looser thoughts.  They don't do any good!    Focus every day on the job thing and you'll feel more in control of your situation.

I know it is easier said than done, believe me , I just lost a job in September.  It takes a hard hit on you psyche.  It is really hard not to let it get you down.  But I KNOW you can do it!!!  It's all about you sister!

Good luck and take care!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

China:

I am so sorry to hear what's going on. Saying something like "hang in there" is just trite. Please just know that I care.

Don't focus on the "I can't figure out what I did to evoke this response from the universe/cause this karma/etc." question. Sometimes shit just happens. I'm with Anne -- focus on what you need to do. And do what you can to keep to your regular rountine -- that's something you can control.

Take care, sweetie.

revlow

Link to comment
Share on other sites

China,

I know it feels like a punch in the stomach.

Sometimes though being sick is a luxury.  You do what you have to do to survive.  I know you have a big bag of "age and cunning" resources that have gotten you through other tight scrapes.

Keep pluggin' and posting.

Best,

A.M.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi China,

I don't even know what to say. There simply are no words. "I'm so sorry" just doesn't do it. I just want to give you a big hug. So if you can, please close your eyes (after you read this), and imagine yourself being hugged by a "stranger" who cares about you and your husband very much. China, if I won the lottery, I swear I'd give you my winnings. No more worries about meds for you. EVER. I'd only ask one thing of you: that you'd open up your own Harley store. Things suck chunks now, but it's just temporary. Life can change in an instant.

Love,

JB

Link to comment
Share on other sites

And you know, jillbell, I'm just DUMB enough to do that, should I win the lottery--I've had little shops, run big shops, put on all kinds of "productins' for bikers--swap meets, shows, even did the Run to the Sun to Daytona for about 6 years.

But not a Harley Franchise--jesus,even the lottery winnings wouldn't help us afford one of those, and they are waaaaaay too froo=-froo for my taste.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

China,

it appears we are almost in the same boat. my SO was laid off a week ago.

it was worse than a punch in the gut...

selling what is worth anything, trying to set up meds on patient assistance, worry about loss of insurance benefits the end of this month, and on and on in a panic.

so I'm going to try and stop the panic and pity and get things lined up.

hopefully our luck will soon change to the good kind. we just have to do the legwork  ;)

Good Luck!

Spike

Link to comment
Share on other sites

*big pat on back to China and Spike*

this sounds like the story of my teen years.  Dad kept getting laid off---it was during the 70s-80s auto manufacturor crash.  know what?  they didn't starve.  wasn't easy, but they didn't starve.  a few christmases were lean, but we kids didn't care....it was still CHRISTMAS, and we had a good time with family (fortunately we all like each other).

my message is hang in there....i believe shit happens because, well, shit happens, not that karma is trying to send you a message or God trying to teach you a lesson.  stuff just happens.

don't think so much about gifts..think about sight-seeing and stuff to do with your kids/family when they visit.  make hot chocolate mix, go to the beach and drink it...make everyone an ornament, then go sightseeing.  just hang out.

and if you have to make a trip to the food bank, well, do it. 

wanna sell that outback certificate?  i'd buy it.  or, take your family to din.  or, go there, get stuff to go and then you know you have meals for the next several days.  don't blow it on drinks (ok, have one), get the food & go home.  then chill & eat steak. 

be creative about all this.  you'll get through.  we did.

AND IT BUILT CHARACTER, DAMMIT!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, I went begging for food tosday--if you ever want to be completely and totally humbled to your last fiber, go asking for aid in any form from Catholic charities, Jewish charities, wetc. etc.  They are VERY nice, and send you out with a paper bag full of various foods.  And it is horribly humiliating and I just want to die.

BUT--in the ever-present sense of "Playing IT Foreward"--someone I do not know personally, only from another list, has offered to send me $250 to pay for my Floriday Nursing Liscense.  No strings attached, just "play it forward"

I am stunned.

Now--How do I explain the bi-polar MI on the application where it asks if I have ever been dx'd or treated for any mental disease or disorder???? Hmmmm?????

I dare not lie--or do I??

China, tired in her bones--being humble will take it out of you--

Link to comment
Share on other sites

China,

So sorry to hear about your day, and I'm glad to hear of the "Pay It Forward" check! I have no advice re: the application -- not a nurse, don't know the laws.

I have been where you are (I'm not very far from it at the moment either). Here's a post of mine from the "Christmas can suck my ass!" thread, with a somewhat similar experience: http://www.crazyboards.org/index.php?showt...indpost&p=84408

Sending you all my best,

revlow

Link to comment
Share on other sites

To my fine and crazy folk here--I have been miracal-ed repeatedly for the last 2 days.  If there were a show around, I would have tix out the ass. (You'll understand that if you are or were ever a deadhead)

First, my hubby's raise which we did not expect till mid Jan. came threu on this check,;he got a $100 C'mas bonus; out of the BLUE the ins comp. of the BEANER (read: illeagal alien) who smashed my car and was not ticketed has decided to fix my car and/or give me a check.  And the biggest?  My daughter--read: wonderful child----is giving me her Cmas bonus to pay rent so my hubby can come to Atlanta and we can all be together for C'mas and all our bills will be paid for this month.

Next month who knows, but I do know I can feed us for quite a while, and even if it takes a couple of months for the nursing thing to come thru, the research jobs don't require a liscense.  And I keep finding neat shit round here, packed away for years. Oh, and 2 more people offered me the money for the lscense--wow.

Now, to this Remeron issue--what do I do about the EATING issue?? I swear to god its like I suddenly have a very hungry tape worm thats GOT to be fed, all the time--I have gained 4 pounds in less than 2 weeks.  VERY BAD__NOT GOOD--TERRIBLE.  I like the stuff, it works, its cheap, takes the place of 2 other meds, but I cannot stand to gain back the 35 pounds I painstakingly lost.  So what do I tell the sleezy pdoc onMonday???

Did this stuff do tthis to anyone else??  Make you just want to munch constantly, like you were stoned-er than owl shit?  I mean, there is a box of brownie mix in the cabinet right now, and if my hubby were not due home shortly, I would be eating the stuff--uncooked, which is my favorite!!

HELP ME!!!!!  I hate being fat, I just got back into my decent size 10 jeans, I cannot bear to be old AND fat, HELP ME!!!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

China:

I got chills reading your post tonight. I am so happy you've gotten some good news!

I've never been on Remeron myself. I did look it up at crazymeds.us, and what they said included this:

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Remeron's pros and cons:

Pros: If serotonin and/or norepinephrine are the answer for you, Remeron will pull you out of the deepest, blackest depression like no other medication will.

Cons: You will literally eat sugar straight out of the bag to satisfy your cravings for sweets and carbohydrates.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, I guess you're not the only one it effects this way. They go into more detail as to why this happens under "Comments" so you might want to read the rest of it.

Sorry, can't help you more than that. I am curious...did you start taking Lamictal yet? (I remember you'd been thinking about it.)

revlow

Link to comment
Share on other sites

China, holy hell, that sucks balls. But you're probably one of the most resilient people on this boards and I absolutely respect the hell out of you!

As humilitating as it was to go to get food, damnit, you sucked up your pride...and that means...you won't starve! Yeah!

Your daughter sounds amazing. You've obviously raised her right. You should be so proud.

And you know wht you can do with the outback gift certificate? You can get a whole bunch of appetizers and get them to go, and make that Christmas dinner. You can't go wrong with a Blooming Onion and cheddar bacon fries for dinner!

As far as the move goes, omg, I had the move from hell, and I was only moving across state- one of my friends bailed, the rental place didn't have the vehicle, and then...it rained.

I do'nt know about the whole liscencing issue, but maybe you can ask for the cash to get the nursing license in your new state as an Xmas present?

My aunt is a nurse, and she does a lot of work through private agencies, and they seem to pay her really well. Unfortunately she blows it all off on silly things she doesn't really need, but to each their own. Maybe there's a nursing agency you can apply to?

As for the weight, it's not just the medicine, but it's because you're stressing out. I have a tendency to binge eat when I get real stressed. But my husband loves me for who I am, and as long as you can love you for who you are, then does it matter?

And if you've lost weight in the past, then you can do it again, hell yeah it sucks, but at least you know it's not impossible. Or maybe while you have some downtime before heading down to your daughter's, you can take some walks on the beach when you finish reading.

Tell your pdoc that you'd like to try something other than Remeron, something more weight neutral, but with the same side effects? He might say no, but hell, it's Christmastime, he might say yes. Mention all the crap tht's gone on recently, then mention your concerns. Hell, even mention that it's the holiday's and you don't want to eat uncooked brownie mix- shoot, tell him you were going to eat that! Oh!!! Bring the box with you, and start eating in front of him, and tell him you just couldn't stop yourself, it's the Remeron. (Ok, that might be a bit much, but I was going for a smile.)

Best wishes and COOKED brownies,

Berelain

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The only way I don't pig out is by not keeping any junk food in the house.  I try to

keep those lean gourmet frozen meals in my freezer, lean pockets, & other low

fat foods.  Plenty of fresh veggies with lowfat dip.  When I buy junk food for the

kids I get things I hate so I won't be tempted.  This works for me but it takes lots

of willpower grocery shopping! 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...