i've been having this thing where my eating disorder and adhd kind of combine forces: i'll take 10mg ritalin LA (+150mg bupropion) in the morning, not feel hungry all day, then when it wears off and i get hungry again i overeat, feel guilty, and struggle not to vom. tbh even if it's a normal amount of food i'll feel bloated and want to vom.
sometimes i'll try to get myself to eat while the medication's still in effect by smoking weed, but i end up b/ping almost 100% of the time. i'm seeing my psychiatrist soon so i'll discuss this with them, but i'm curious if anyone else has had these experiences.
I don't know why but after not really struggling with binging and purging for several years (9) I seem to be picking it up again. I told my psychiatrist and he recommended a place that has services for people with eating disorders but I feel like they'd not believe me that I have a problem because I'm overweight or they would judge. I'm scared my teeth will be ruined because it's hard not to whenever I binge. Seems like I almost-impulsively plan to binge hours in advance.
Hey I am new. Long-time eating disorder sufferer. Started with anorexia and morphed into bulimia, then went to drugs, then went back to EDs, then went orthorexic/exercise bulimic. Went to treatment for the second time a couple years ago and have a treatment team. Noticed that once I started working hard on my ED, I was spending like crazy. Also was on Rexulti at that time. Spending comes and goes but gets bad when my eating gets better. Drives me nuts! Brain needs the rush. Feel like I can't escape. I hate spending, but drugs and bulimia seem worse? Anyone else struggle with this?
I know the title sounds a little silly but let me explain (buckle up this is going to be a long one)
As a person that has struggled with heavy eating disorder tendencies for over 6 years now, you would think that I would have this all figured out by now... But that just isn't the case. It kinda just crept up on me when I was 10 and it never went away. I can't exactly pin how it started or why (otherwise it would be easier to treat it. Go figure) however, I never actively thought, "I want to skip meals and be thin". It just became a habit, one that I just can't break despite my best efforts. Its not that I don't want people to know because I dont want them to stop me, its mostly because I'm ashamed that my life has come to this. I am a very happy person that is friends with everyone and just wants the best for people. I just don't want this to change the way they see me. Such a strong and nice person being controlled by some thing so awful. Besides, there is a lot going on in my home life anyway and I dont want to add this on top of it all.
I know a lot of people say that "biology eventually rules out" and "you're setting yourself up for a binge the more you don't eat" I wish it were like that for me. I don't even have to think about it and I end up not eating for at least 3 days to sometimes a week at a time. And the few times that I do eat I just end up throwing it up anyway. Everything just feels so dull and repetitive that I don't even notice. I actively try to eat. But I keep falling back into the same behavior I don't want to die but I don't want to keep living this way. What should I do?
Hi everybody, I'm new here and this is my first post! I am a binge eater and have struggled with BED for roughly the past five years. I have always been slightly overweight, as is my entire family, and we also have a history of yoyo-dieting and eating disorders in the family. My sister and brother were both nearly hospitalised as a result of anorexia, and I too went through a time on which I can now look back and say that I was anorexic and obsessed with exercise as a means to rid my body of what I had eaten. I am an opera singer, and while i was studying opera in 2012, I developed nodules on my vocal cords and had to withdraw from my course and all current and future engagements I had lined up. I was terribly depressed and anxious about what the future might hold, but mostly bored, and so I ate, and ate and ate. I gained and dropped weight over the next few years as food became a crutch for my anxiety--I tried to eat mainly salads and high protein meals, but whenever things went wrong and i felt chaotic and without a sense of centre, I would reach for food I didn't even really want. I would buy binge foods and eat them in secret in my room or in my car, or in (cringe) public bathrooms, and sometimes i would come to my senses half way through eating a supermarket bag full of food and go and throw the lot in the trash ( a huge waste). I went to see a CBT therapist who painstakingly tried to drag details of a tortured childhood (which i didn't have) from me, as a way to get to the bottom of it, and then gave me some mental exercises and an 'emotion wheel' worksheet to fill out at home whenever I felt a binge coming on. But I felt silly and like a pathetic child with a colouring book so I never really committed to that. Then phentermine (in the form of the pill duromine) came into my life, and I became addicted to it. I lost a ton of weight, and when it stopped working I doubled and then tripled the dose, making sure to fit in a bikram class, kickboxing class and 10km every single day on an almost empty stomach. I also became obsessed with the idea of intermittent fasting and would go days at a time not eating a thing. But i felt confident and happy and finally myself, free from the physical and emotional burden of extra weight. But of course, this rosy existence couldn't last for long. i knew I needed to stop taking phentermine because it was dangerous, and I was obtaining it illegally, and I had also noticed it was affecting my voice negatively and totally drying out my throat. I moved to scotland to study my masters in opera, and the first few months in this totally different environment, having to make friends and 'prove myself' as a singer in the international opera school there.. well, it was intimidating. And I ate, continuously and with reckless abandon, and gained weight. I was prescribed a combination of topirimate (starting at 25mg and worked up to 100mg every evening) and wellbutrin (150mg twice daily). Eventually I felt more settled, opened a gym contract and even got a lovely boyfriend who i eventually moved in with. i never really felt the medication made a difference, but I was feeling happier and more relaxed and so stopped taking it. I did continue to gain weight, and to eat foods that were previously 'forbidden', but I wasn't bingeing. Fast forward to now-- I have been living in Italy for a month and a half, taking a course in opera directing, and I would estimate I have binged on average 5 out of every 7 days I've been here. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I feel so isolated and anxious and unsettled and I cannot stop EATING. I always find it difficult getting used to a new place, and it is extra difficult when it is a foreign country, although I am semi-fluent in Italian. I do still have topamax and wellbutrin with me and have started to take it again. I think it is working and I don't feel nearly as hungry-- I don't feel that uncontrollable urge to binge-- But I am still bingeing. Why? I still feel like I HAVE to do it for some reason. The habit is so engrained. if there is food in the cupboard and the fridge, it must be eaten (even if it's something I don't like). I go to the supermarket, stand around for hours trying to make the 'right' decisions, end up making some slightly dubious ones, take it all home and eat the lot. I am unable to save things for later, or for instance, buy a slab of chocolate and consume a piece or two after dinner. I am still in the gym most days, and love to run, swim and lift weights--it makes me feel light and powerful and free--but I'm sabotaging myself every day with this terrible condition and I need to kick it.