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Well I seem to be in a never ending mixed state. Making some progress, the mood changes are softer, if that makes sense. But, my moods even confuse me, let alone the people in my life.

My biggest struggle is recognizing when the depression comes that it is not permanent. It seems for ever, I do damage to myself when I get like that, mentally and physically.

So, was wondering if anyone has, I don't know, tips maybe.

I seem to float untethered from mood to mood. My lack of control is starting to make me restrict and vomit my food up. All for a sense of control. I have not had an eating disorder ever in my life, unless you count amphetamine abuse. I will talk to Tdoc and pdoc about this. But want to hear from others.

I try to stay present, I try distraction, I even hide in sleep.

Just can't seem to stay stable for any period of time.

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That sounds awful, Dragonfly. Do you think you need a med tweak?

Do you keep a mood journal? I fiond it helpful to do so, and also to record, not in any great detail, what I each day. It keeps the days from running into each other without any sense of form.

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It's tough to reply to this, but like you I suffer frequent cycling mostly depressive. My comfort;I know it will pass. Also, reading CB helps a lot too because I see so very many people are suffering what I have. You are not alone. It does sound though like you need a med tweek; that may help a lot. Don't try and take control by vomiting, you can't control BPII but you can treat it.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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I have some cocktail issues.  Part of my meds are prescribed by my Neurologist for seizures.  He wants me on Lamictal no matter what.  Its really important that i do not have another seizure, the last one caused a brain bleed.  Not allowed to have one again, or it won't be good. 

Pdoc has spoken of changing the seroquel to lithium.  May be time to try that. 

I cannot take SSRI's due to previous reactions ( that is what started the mixed state)  Pdoc is super cautious cus of seizure issues. 

I was stable for about 3 weeks (except I was using vicodin at the time) on only Lamictal and Seroquel.   I have no side effects with these two meds. 

So Pdoc has been rotating me through SNRI's to see if one works.  I primarily only have depression symptoms at this point. 

If he can find the right SNRI I may be home free. He moves my up very slowly so things take forevvvvvvver.

So I am getting somewhere, but looking for outside tools or coping skills while I wait. 

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I hope you start feeling better, mixed is the worst. If it is any help, I really like lithium, and use it as an add-on for depression. Lamictal, lithium, and Latuda (the "L"s :) ) have become my most successful cocktail. I was on Wellbutrin for 25 years, and it finally pooped out. Still, that's a pretty good run.

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