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idontknowanymore

My mom is making me hate college.

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I have got great grades on all of my assignments so far. I got in a BAD fight with her when she was telling me to re-write an entire paper because she thought it was terrible. I handed it in and got a perfect grade. I felt kind of sick today so I was going to finish my homework assignment (something simple, would take me a half hour tops). My mom DOES IT FOR ME. She said that "I needed to make sure this got done." I have god-awful handwriting, so her perfectly neat writing will be a red flag. I flipped out and she said she was trying to be nice. I told her that she just doesn't fucking trust me. 

 

I missed one class this entire semester so far. A friend who I hadn't seen in months invited me to hang out, and that was the only time frame that would work. Since I never really do anything fun ever, I go and skip a class that I have 5 absences allowed for. (Note that I barely skip class in general. I just took up a rare opportunity). My mom, when I see her, said "Are you sure you went to class today?" I did try to lie my way out of it, and she said she saw my absence on my class page. I said she is stalking me. She gives me no control in what I can do. She then said how she is worried that I am going to fail college. (Despite the fact that I have been doing GREAT this semester, missing one class is my downfall!)

 

She has accused me of not doing homework I already completed. She checks my email more often than I do. She pays my tuition through my college account so she has my password. I am glad that she pays, but I wish I had some freedom. I can't afford to dorm, and I am not allowed to drive (despite the fact that I have a license, my parents don't let me drive their cars) so I have to basically submit to everything she does. 

 

I am becoming very stressed out. I have no independence whatsoever. I don't know what to do.

 

 

Edit: In the past, she has emailed my professors saying "This is (my name's) mom", asking about my progress, and even questioning why I got a D on my midterm. Ugh.

Edited by idontknowanymore

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Your mother is making your college experience all about her. I am willing to bet she makes everything all about her, because my mother does that.

 

You need to tell her to enroll in college herself. If she doesn't want to do that, she must not want to go to college. So why is she doing homework?

 

She isn't helping, she's sabotaging you. Purposefully.

 

If she has a college degree, tell her to get a masters. Since she enjoys homework so much.

 

How did she get the information to see what your attendance is? See if you can password protect it. If she knows your password, change it, and don't tell her. If she asks why she can no longer get in, say you don't know.

 

Tell your professors that your mother may contact them against your wishes, and they are not to answer. Tell them they may need to block her if she is persistent.

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I feel bad for you.  I would never think to check my college aged kids' homework.  I would take out loans and scholorships to live at school, as my daughter has.  It might be worth it in your situation. 

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I didn't do most of my projects because my mom would do them for me. I had it with her my senior year in high school and stood up. She threw a fit.

And I agree with changing your password. I would try to find scholarships for next year if you want to get out.  

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Point out to your mother that cheating-even if it's her idea and not yours-will get you thrown out. And cheating is what it's called when you hand in work you didn't do.

You have my sympathy. Your mother sounds impossible.

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I also suggest you try to move out with the help of financial aid.  It sounds like your mom would prefer you stay dependent on her forever.

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I agree with everything that everyone has said here. First off I would tell your mom that completing your homework for you in unacceptable, and that if she does it you may get thrown out of college. It is plagiarism, and colleges take that VERY seriously. 

 

My dad also has the password to one of my college accounts, but he really doesn't do much with it, other then prints out my class schedule and checks when the tuition is due. I were you I would stop giving papers for you mother to look over, it is giving her too much control. Try to have a friend proof read your work instead. I'm surprised your mother has your email account password. Change the password, tell her you don't know why it isn't working for her. Emails are personal. 

 

Look into going away to college. I think it would really benefit you. That or you need to sit down and really talk to your mom about this. She might just be scared because you are growing up. The summer before I went to college my mom seemed to get a lot more controlling, but I realized it was mostly because she was gonna miss me. 

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I agree with everything that everyone has said here. First off I would tell your mom that completing your homework for you in unacceptable, and that if she does it you may get thrown out of college. It is plagiarism, and colleges take that VERY seriously. 

 

My dad also has the password to one of my college accounts, but he really doesn't do much with it, other then prints out my class schedule and checks when the tuition is due. I were you I would stop giving papers for you mother to look over, it is giving her too much control. Try to have a friend proof read your work instead. I'm surprised your mother has your email account password. Change the password, tell her you don't know why it isn't working for her. Emails are personal. 

 

Look into going away to college. I think it would really benefit you. That or you need to sit down and really talk to your mom about this. She might just be scared because you are growing up. The summer before I went to college my mom seemed to get a lot more controlling, but I realized it was mostly because she was gonna miss me. 

The email/Tuition/online syllabus all share one password. Since she pays my tuition, that gives her ALL of the passwords.

 

I would love to go away to school. The problem is, I work an hour away from campus, near home, and I have no car. Also, I am in an incredible amount of debt right now (about $7,000) so even taking out loans would be a bad idea.

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So she can pay the tuition and then you can use the "forgot password" option to change the password, yes?

Alternatively you could file a complaint with the school about that. I doubt that you're the only one with this problem and schools exist for the students' benefit, not for the benefit of the student's parent(s).

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