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Going on 51 and still not having my 18


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One of my other and biggest issues, is the constant celibacy I have lived with in my 50 years. And I have never had an intimate relationship with women with and for those ideas that I have about how some women attract me to of their sexiness.  There is a Pulchritude Femininism that I like about them.  I like them slim, slendor, athletic looking to me.  I also like them having their breast small, instead of all this hype in the world that guys prefer them big and huge.  I have found magazines not to my liking, cause all they show is women with big and huge breast.  I don't care for that.  Usually they represent what the Popular Man in the world wants.

  I usually like Chineze women.  They look the sexiest to me, cause they fit well with these features.  But I have yet, been able to see myself worthy of or for them, when I see them.  They are always taken.  And if women that have small breast are already taken.  How can the popular main stream that most men want them big and huge, end up having all these women with small breast? I don't get it?

  It has been like and I have also called this new phrase of mine lately.  "I'm seeing a woman famine for me".  This is driving me crazy.

  I came across a Thread here, where this guy had a fatish for tickling women's feet.  I have a fatish in which I could talk about, but it's tooo graphic and sexually explicit for me to do such in a matter here where I could know if it would be OK?  But to keep something like this a secret and not being able to talk or share about it, is driving me crazy! ;)

  The part above is a copy in my ... '2005 December Depressions'.  But a part of my Depressions I think is also due to this section of the Forums also.  'The Midlife Crises'.  I still want what I never got at the age of being 18 years old.  I've tried to endure, perserver with my celibacy life to finding this woman.  But sometimes things still do not want to cooperate for me yet.  I like to share a Picture of what I look like now.  I think some of my efforts is paying off.  But something else has got to stop these other berriers in my life.  As my metaphor phrase about being like a boat in the dessert.  I like to get out of this dessert and be finding my life sailing the seas of my imaginations with that intimacy with another woman in my life.

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  • 2 weeks later...

She likes to make her physical appearance beautiful and healthly.  Into fitness, health, beauty and yoga like stuff.  It kind of bothers me, that society has told so many women, to be so involved in cultural and social things, for which I'm uncomfortable about.  So most of their personality doesn't attract me that much.  But I do want more than the experience.  It would be like how I could feel more confident in the experiences that would make a woman see more into a relationship that I would really would like.  But there is a huge barrier of suppressions, stereotyping from that thought or impression of me.

When I started hearing about the Christian Religion, by having to go to church.  I thought I would find my answers within the Christian Religion.  But I was finding out that I didn't know enough or had my prerequiesites, to keep going with it more, while in the Navy and stuff.  Then after I learned more about it and that my endurences and perserverances was nothing more than sophetries (Excuses) in the Christian relgion and appling Science that I was learning.  I noticed contradictions to what I tried to have Faith in.  So I now have Apostated the idea of the Christian Religion.  But it did have me thinking all those years about this world and life being Spritual and there being a Deity.  And it's been kind of hard dening it totally, even when I try to take on an Atheist view.  But I don't see a Loving God Deity, concerned about finding life here more than the world goes with it.  That bothers me.  So I think the Christian Religion was in my way of things at my prime at that age of being 18.  That is, when Potency in life has been the strongest and could had been the most fulfilling.  Now if I could still have that kind of Potency in my 50's.  Well then?  But in this world, it still doesn't know all the things about the intimacy I would like to have for a relationship.  I think I have secrets of my own, that this world doesn't get into.

I'm not sure I can answer this all right now.  Cause I think of a lot.  But it comes and goes in my mind.  Too hard to find what I have thought earlier.  These thoughts can be gone and forgotten away from me in my head.

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Sometimes women sense if a man thinks this way, as if he views her as a physical object to give him pleasure, and that can make a man unattractive. Just a thought.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

;) So?  I guess if my eye pupils get big and I'm doing the blushing?  And then I just start losing control of myself?  I got where I don't understand women.

:P   :)

Even if I stare.  I don't see well at glancing at things.  I need to look long to get any idea of what I'm looking at.  Thoughts and Vividness seem to be very elusive in my head.

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After the above Post.  I started getting some additional thoughts.

When I mentioned that I didn't notice Wellbutrin working for me with depression and energy.  About the only thing noticed, was more vivid dreams.  Now maybe it could help with me have some better vivid imagery if I took it?

I still have that Wellbutrin of what was left since November 2001.  But it may not be a good idea to take what's left of it now?  I would like to ask anyone as to that being possible, before I think about doing it. I think at times, I noticed some dryness in my mouth.  But drinking something seemed to be ok from that.

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Some things where never perfact for me in the past.  But you're still not understanding me.  I think there is some other means of combinding feminine beauty and personality.  The problem is most rich men get these women.  And since I'm not rich, I get screwed by expecting to give to this wicked world!  Don't start having me get pissed off with you.  But I certainly would be respecting and loving a good looking women.  There is a reason women do not understand about feminine beauty and it seems to be more of the problem.  Only Lesbians start getting this perception it seems.  If women knew how beauty works, then it will compel them from their hetero-straight ways from men to other women.  So Nature to me knows more than what people say.  I get tired of people trying to ignor what Nature is to us.

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If your a Lesbian, that means your attracted to a womans feminine body appearance.  But if you don't understand.  I think you got your health messed up.

There is some biological stimulations in a man's brain that works to make him attracted to feminine beauty and then there is a different perspect women get, in order to be attracted to men.  Men don't have that much outward appearances for that kind of beauty to work on a women, like the biology does for a man.  So women in their minds are trying to find charactor and personality.  If people are expecting me to find charactor and personality, that is a trait for women being attracted to men.  And when biology mutates wrong, that is why some men are gay.  I am not gay. 

  But if I can understand this science of biology, that inverts our attractions to each other normally.  If I can think correctly.  I would think Bi-sexuals and Lesbians would have a better understanding about what I want in a women.  If they are more healthy for having the biological perceptions of it.

  I don't find women putting on make-up makes them more beautiful.  I have looked at some magazines trying to advertise make-up.  Showing what some women look naturally without it and then with it.  And I get baffled.  Because I was more turned one with the face that didn't have the make-up and was natural.  So Beauty to me has got different diffenitions than what the world stereotypes me with.  So there is a lot of different things going on with me, I wish to clear up and not have others trying to have their expectations thrown into my situation that makes it impossible to be where I like things to be for me.

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  • 7 months later...

Here's one guy who thinks personality, character, and smarts are more important than looks, tho of course I am not going to complain if this hypothetical woman with great character also looks nice. But, when I'm with my s.o., I'm not doing a whole lot of staring. Some, yes. But more of the best stuff it what we say to each other.

Concur on the makeup. Particularly if you keep in mind the frowns and bad lighting usually seen in the before pictures.

If being gay is "when biology mutates wrong", why is it so common? One generally doesn't see a mutation of that magnitude in other areas. I'm told that homosexuality occurs in many other species as well.

Rich men have no overwhelming advantage with women who care mostly about character. About money, yes. I know a guy who is in big trouble with the law, who has very little money, and who is only 18. But more than once I've seen him walking down the street with 3 or more gorgeous girls (women? I dunno, 16? 18?) They just like him. Not sure why.

Don't try to be too sure who your perfect girlfriend is until you meet her.

Probably your best bet is to work on your communication. Also, stop trying to find one simple rule for everything. Only works in the comic books. Real life is very complicated.

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