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*Hello.

 

I'm brand new and researching certain drugs in relation to a personal tragedy and checked out a few threads on this forum about adverse reactions and interactions. I am not a "troll" and not interested in drug wars. I am in search of answers, understanding, and knowledge in the event of a lawsuit. I hope you will carefully consider my (probably too lengthy) story for a forum seriously, especially if you are experiencing similar effects.

 

Actually, if I start with the backstory I'll end up tangenting too much to get the point out so let's get that out of the way first.

 

My former husband and son's father was an Iraq war vet who served 6 years with assorted combat medals and a pretty secure position. Prior to military, while a genuinely good guy with a wry wit and higher than usual intelligence, was still plagued with the most exasperating, homicidal rage inducing (for everyone else dealing with it) financial irresponsibility and poor impulse control. We had a child together long before we married because I couldn't respect anyone who can't grow up and take care of their responsibilities. Aside from our issues trying to corral his immaturity to be a proper parent, we never fought, argued or had any negative, abusive, dysfunctional relationship. We were close friends who saw the world the same way. My beef with him was his penchant for escapism and blowing money instead of focusing on security for his child's welfare.

 

Partly why he joined the military. We married after his enlistment and for the duration, life went well. No issues. He returned, his Army stint over with, but he returned more of a shell of who he was when he went in. Nothing problematic. In fact, he seemed more calm and soldier-esque, disciplined. And we had no further financial issues...until he reunited with his civilian buddies welcoming him back. I began to see him drinking a little more but never anything over the top. 

 

Within a year of his return, however, we had an amicable separation that resulted in him having no "supervision" anymore - military or myself and left to his own devices, literally blew through our joint savings to overdrafting hundreds of dollars that continued for weeks until I finally convinced our bank to lock it down. He went AWOL in civilian life and later claimed he'd suddenly felt abandoned and alone, some was fear, some was anger, some was devastation, and some was spite. 

 

 

We officially divorced and he was on the hook for support. I won by default, though we'd been in contact and were otherwise amicable again in spite of it. He knew he screwed up and copped to it. He relocated to the PNW and began or continued treatment at [edited specific locations] VAs. He seemed to be getting better, at least as far as employment goes. Got a killer job making a nice salary but couldn't manage his money and was constantly dropping the ball with financial support for his child. It resulted in us losing everything - literally, to homelessness. He was constantly gambling and robbing Peter AND Paul to pay child support. 

 

Eventually I couldn't take it anymore, realized he'll always be irresponsible and can't be bothered to support his child or even participate in his life, in spite of his continued claims otherwise. So I opted to disconnect entirely and drop contact. Life was calm and pleasant for nearly a year.

 

In late April '14, I guess I felt sentimental and ended up calling him to check in, see how he was doing and the call seemed to resurrect things. He was doing better, claimed he was in treatment for PTSD, depression, talked to his shrink about us, our relationship, Iraq, and that he wasn't happy with the meds...they made him feel dull, indifferent, didn't feel anything at all. I suggested he stop taking them and he said it'd be better if he weened off and would probably speak to his doctors to lower the dosage since they weren't working. If he stopped cold turkey it could make things worse. He didn't want to shoot up a school. In the end, we'd opened dialogue about my son and I moving to where he was, trying a co-parenting arrangement, and potentially remarrying. Not out of romance (we weren't really there but were still close friends). We began making plans for the relocation and since he'd left us destitute being a "loser" he agreed to send more money to either get us there or to fly to us and we drive to the PNW together.

 

These plans were open from the end of April through the end of June. 

 

Then he began dodging me and I figured something happened. He sent an email at the end of June finally admitting he went gambling and blew 2 grand trying to double it so we could get there sooner and have money for our son's birthday in August. When he lost it all he was ashamed and figured I'd be livid so he steered clear til he felt he could face me. I was and responded that it'll never stop...and if he just admits he really doesn't care for his child and doesn't want to be a parent, acknowledge it for real (instead of sabotage, escapism and absenteesim) then I'll let him off the hook, close the door and we'll go our separate ways. He refused and agreed to work it out...but wanted me to understand he was "just fucked up" and was trying to get it worked out.

 

In early August, our son turned 16. He never even called to wish him Happy Birthday, never sent him a gift, never did anything at all after getting him excited about moving up there. All along though, which I chalked up to too much Forensic Files, I had the worst uneasy vibe that Oregon is full of death, that we might end up victims of a murder suicide or something and inwardly was kind of relieved he screwed it up and we weren't going.

 

In late August, I learned he was dead.

 

As information began trickling in, I learned he'd taken his own life and as far as I was concerned, good riddance. He'd rather choose death than be a father, than choose his child - I had no sympathy and vowed to delete him entirely from my reality. This was the most selfish, unconscionable thing he's ever done. My son was disappointed and pissed, feeling that his father was broken and weak...it fit, really. I did file several of the standard claims on behalf of our son though and a little SSA payment began to arrive a few months later.

 

As angry as I was at him, I could not shake the reality that this was out of the blue. He's never been suicidal a day in his life, nor for as long as I knew him. And he didn't sound suicidal when we spoke or made plans. Even our son winced and said, "It doesn't seem like him to do that..." it wasn't him. I had to accept that PTSD played a role and I have no real idea what he'd experienced during and post military so it could be that he was and I just wasn't as close anymore and missed it.

 

Eventually I received the ME report and read over it...initially finding that he'd apparently tried to attempt it several times through 2014. First in mid April which was surprising because he'd been released April 22 within days of my contacting him and while he acknowledged "treatment" (though he'd been in treatment since 2011 at other VAMCs) he never mentioned attempted suicide.

 

After reading his several failed attempts and because the person I always knew was not suicidal "for real" I couldn't help wonder if it was a spinal tap of attempts to maybe show the VA he needed a higher disability rating or something and the last time, it actually worked. In a tragic comical way, he was pretending to be suicidal and then it actually accidentally worked. Or maybe he pissed someone off - someone in his life I had no knowledge of - and they drugged him and faked a suicide. It was so out of character I even wondered if a relative of his got fed up with being owed a ton of money due to his gambling debts they just put him out of their misery. 

 

He just wasn't suicidal. 

 

Yet the ME report described a very undeniably clear course of thought out behavior to end his life...and if he chose this option over us, his child, so be it. We were done. 

 

We tried to move on best we could and it was more recently that I sat down and actually read the ME report more thoroughly and it suddenly illuminated the truth.

 

 

The ME report and description included details about the events of 2014 beginning with the first incident. He'd been feeling suicidal and voluntarily admitted himself in the VA for help. The VA let him stay until he "sobered up" basically, prescribed antidepressants and sent him home. On his way home he pulled over, ingested a bunch of prescription meds and endured a failed attempt. When he came to, he called 911 and later requested transport to the VA where he'd been treated for PTSD. This time he was admitted to the psych ward, detoxed, prescribed more drugs, diagnosed with alcohol induced mood disorder, told to stop drinking and sent on his way. 

 

The next failed attempt was early August, 2 days after our son's birthday. [edited out by mod because details specific suicide details]. He drove himself back to the VA and admitted himself. He requested in patient treatment and it was denied. Instead, the VA prescribed new antidepressants, sent him to group therapy, and released him when he was no longer an immediate threat.

 

Within 4 days of his release, he drove to a rest stop and took his life[edited by mod due to specific means].

 

The thing I did not catch initially was that though he'd been prescribed sertraline (Zoloft) and told to continue it, they also added Zoloft (sertraline), Desyrel (trazodone), Vistaril (hydroxyzine), Lunesta (eszopiclone), and Baclofen, that he'd been taking for awhile, the only drug found in his system aside from [other thing used to die] had been Venlafaxine. There was nothing else but that. 

 

After researching all of these medications, their combined interactions proved to ultimately lead an otherwise sound and clear minded person seeking help for PTSD down the road to suicide. Though he'd been financially irresponsible and escapist since we met, he was never *suicidal* until he began being treated by both [edited out names] VA med centers. They pumped him so full of antidepressants, several of which have clear warnings against being administered to anyone with a history of suicide thoughts or attempts that his entire ability for clear thinking and rational judgment was impaired. The side effects of feeling dull, indifferent, dead, no edge, confused, anxious, unable to sleep...were all things he described feeling. 

 

He repeatedly told them these meds were not working. Instead of monitoring his intake, under supervision, they upped his dosage and added more to the list. The last one, venlafaxine has the FDA warning of intensifying and aggravating suicidal behavior. 

 

I realized that he did not just opt out to be a selfish loser, same old same old. 

 

He was a victim. The [mod edited out specific hospitals] VAMCs in Oregon killed him. Another casualty of incompetence, negligence, lies, and ineptitude and an overloading of drugs that should not only never have been combined but prescribed to begin with - all of them clearly carrying warnings they should not be given to those with suicidal depression. 

 

He didn't OD.

He did not mix anything with beer.

He did not take uncharacteristic dosage.

PTSD didn't even play a part one way or another.

 

It was all venlafaxine. A fatal suicide success story courtesy of [edited] VAMC.

 

He took what was prescribed and it fatally impaired his entire ability to behave rationally.

 

He was NEVER suicidal until [VAMC] began drugging him.

 

If you have been prescribed any combination of these (and add Prozac, he was on that too for awhile), and particularly if you are being treated by the VA for PTSD or anything else, please, please be mindful that if you weren't suicidal before being a patient there, then you are being slowly murdered. They are not helping you, they are killing you.

 

The next VA asswipe who thanks me for his service is getting throat punched. They killed my child's father. He repeatedly tried to get help. He wanted more significant treatment, in patient and was refused. He voluntarily admitted himself, called 911, drove himself to get help...which is a glaring factual reality that wen he sobered up, he was not suicidal at all - just as the reality that he was quite sober from the end of April through June - and while planning for our trip to where he was there's conspicuously no further attempts after April until he screwed up in late June. He did NOT want to die. He WANTED help and he was too wrecked to realize he'd sought help from the very people who were slowly killing him all along.

 

 

I can appreciate sentiments being sorry for our loss, and thanks for that but I'm here to spread a very real warning.

 

These drugs to not help you. 

 

They will be your downfall.

 

Best of luck.

 

Lexi

Edited by Wooster
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You've experienced a tragedy, and I get that, and I'm sorry.

 

But fuck you.

 

No seriously...fuck you.

 

Edit:  Who the fuck do you think you are, coming onto a support forum for the mentally unstable and telling them they need to avoid their medication.  Who the fuck does that?  What kind of fucked up world do you live in that you somehow think you're doing people a favor by telling them that they need to stop taking their meds?  Are you a goddamn doctor?  Are you any of OUR goddamn doctors?  No.  You know nothing about any of us, and you need to fuck right off with this bullshit.

 

Also, fuck you.

Edited by Bad Haiku
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Wonderful response.

 

I'm sure your survivors will appreciate your hostility toward a real warning that these drugs have a provable risk that will end in your death or incarceration.

 

For the record, I was diagnosed with clinical depression 25 years ago, suicidal and prescribed a starter pack of 6 weeks of Paxil. I took it 4 weeks and discarded it. I overcame it without prescription suicide and homicide pills. 

 

I am not suggesting you stop treatment. I am absolutely suggesting you dig deep and learn the truth about these and other antidepressants and antipsychotics - they are not helping you...they are killing you or slowly walking you toward killing someone else.

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You don't know a fucking thing about whether or not he was ever suicidal. You didn't communicate with him about his mental health issues at all, from what I'm reading. Convince yourself that it's the VA's fault, never considering the possibility that it might be partly YOUR fault for suggesting that he go off his meds. I'd also wager that from this post, he never felt emotionally supported by you.

 

This is not the place where you come and slam your dead ex-husband for having an illness. Grow the fuck up.

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Wonderful response.

 

I'm sure your survivors will appreciate your hostility toward a real warning that these drugs have a provable risk that will end in your death or incarceration.

 

For the record, I was diagnosed with clinical depression 25 years ago, suicidal and prescribed a starter pack of 6 weeks of Paxil. I took it 4 weeks and discarded it. I overcame it without prescription suicide and homicide pills. 

 

I am not suggesting you stop treatment. I am absolutely suggesting you dig deep and learn the truth about these and other antidepressants and antipsychotics - they are not helping you...they are killing you or slowly walking you toward killing someone else.

 

I don't give a fuck about how you overcame your depression.  Let's look at some facts here.

 

Your husband saw combat, and he saw things that are worse than you and I could ever imagine.  He returned home and was different.  Of course he was fucking different.  Suicide is killing more soldiers than anything else in this world, but that has nothing to do with the VA and it has nothing to do with the meds.

 

Since we're blaming things clearly not at fault, maybe it's because you left him?

 

The meds keep some of us alive, keep some of us from hurting ourselves, or hurting others.

 

Fuck you a fourth time for suggesting we should stop them just because you need to cope.

 

Fucking cope.

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Zoloft (sertraline), Desyrel (trazodone), Vistaril (hydroxyzine), Lunesta (eszopiclone), and Baclofen

 

 

Also: This is not a problematic cocktail that indicates any sort of malpractice. He was on the baclofen for either muscle relaxation or alcohol dependence. Lunesta and trazodone to sleep, since he is a vet with PTSD and probably has nightmares. Vistaril is just an anti-histamine that calms you down a little. I see zero red flags, and I know a lot about psych meds. You know who else knows more than you about psych meds? The fucking doctor who prescribes them.

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This is a place for first person experiences of people with mental illness.

 

This is about your experience of your former spouse, so I am going to close this thread.

 

ETA: I have edited out some specifics in your post, LexiP, due to mentioning specific hospitals and specific details of suicide attempts.

 

In addition, you should know that we are a pro-treatment, pro-med site that encourages people to work with their health care providers to find the right tools to manage symptoms. For a lot of people, that includes medication and therapy in combination with healthy lifestyle changes. Some people can do it with out meds, and some of us would be dead or incarcerated or permanently committed without meds.

 

I get that you are distressed about his death.

 

This is not the right platform for what you need to say.

 

I encourage you to take this story to your congressional representatives as an example of how the VA system failed your son's father and former husband. I also encourage you to take it to NAMI, or whatever other advocacy groups you know of.

 

We are not the right place for your story.

 

You are welcome to post on Crazy Boards about your own experiences with brain cooties. However, be aware that our stance that medication is a necessary and lifesaving measure for many members here will not change.

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