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Ashamed of myself-


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Hi-

My boyfriend has a stress disorder, so he is sensitive to my problems. He told me today, nearly in tears, that he believes I'll get fired from this job (I've gone through 5 jobs in 2 years) and that I need to move back in with my mom (I have my own place) and work part time/collect disability.

I'm in tears! I can't give up! I've made it in my own place for 7 months. I've had my job for 5 months. My record for a job is 9 months. I"m so optimistic.

I talked to my pdoc (new one) yesterday, and she said that if I get fired again that I should work part-time, and then we'll file for SSDI.

I hang my head in shame. I"m so ashamed. I have a college degree, win all kinds of awards at work, and still can't keep a job. I can't live on my own, keep a job, or pay my bills. My credit report is from hell. I'm just so ashamed.

Advice?

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Heya Loon,

From what you're saying, it sounds like on the surface, things are going pretty well.

Listen to your *own* gut (plus/minus docs) on this.  If you're optimistic, keep hold of that optimism and *don't* let BF's anxiety drive it away.

Do you have any evidence to support his instinct?  Or is he just being his own brand of MI?

Optimism is a hot commodity for us BPs.  Don't let it go easily.

And there is *nothing* to be ashamed of.  (I know, if someone told *me* that, I might not buy it.  But it's true.)

--ncc--

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He's from the Czech Republic and doesn't really have a concept of how hard it is to get disability here. It is a stressful, full time job to get it. I keep trying to tell him.

He may be right or may not be right.

It is very important to be optimistic. I can't let this go! I'm crying I'm so embarrassed. I feel like an absolute moron that I'm 27 years old and can't keep anything going on.

Except my boyfriend. We've been together for 4 years and counting.

---- loon--

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We've been together for 4 years and counting.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That's longer than most marriages last.  Seriously, I can relate.  I have a hell of a

time holding a job.  It is like a full time job to apply for disability, maybe more

stressful than working.  I haven't applied just because I think it will trigger me if I

get denied. 

Try not to feel embarrassed, I'm 32 and still don't know what I want to be when I

grow up.  You should do what YOU feel is right.  Is there any particular reason

your BF is suggesting this now?  Is your job really stressful?  I hope you come to

a decision that's right for you, that's a lot to think about. 

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I  can understand that if you grew up in socialism you're at least partly supported more or less automatically if you can't work.  But he needs to understand that we don't get that kind of help from our government.  We're largely left to our own devices, and if things fall apart it's a huge deal to get meaningful government assistance.

He also probably doesn't understand the stigma in our society of abandoning our job goals and moving back in with family.  He needs to just take your word for it. 

And please try not to be ashamed, Loon.  You work hard, you keep your spirits up, and you are optimistic about the future.  Tell him how much his statements shame you, tell him that you need his support not his despair.  He loves you, so he is likely to work hard to understand; if he can't understand, let him work to act supportive even if he doubts the future. 

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