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I haven't posted in a long time - when I have done so in the past it has been on the panic/anxiety board because that is where I usually struggle.  But lately I have been depressed and I am finding myself falling deeper and deeper and I don't know how to get out and I just can't do anything but the basics... barely.  

 

I guess the main thing is.  My house is a disaster.  I have empty Amazon boxes, clutter, stuff, toys EVERYWHERE, in piles.  And the laundry.  That is the most daunting thing.  It has not been done in months.  I mean, I wash our underwear and clothes as we need them, but its never put away.  So I have literal mountain-high baskets and piles of laundry that need put away from MONTHS ago - actual SUMMER clothes that are in baskets that never got put away.  It is shameful.  The terrifying thing is that my daughter's third birthday party is Saturday and I don't even know where to start.  I read all the blogs, Flylady, UFYH, believe me.  And I've posted about cleaning anxiety before.  And it all makes sense.  I just can't do it.  I don't even feel like I can get a shower right now.  (Which is something else I haven't done in about five days, ew).  So that might be a good place to start I guess.  But where to go after there?  I don't even know.  I want to throw everything away, torch it all, and start over.  

 

I tried talking to my husband and sister and a friend.  They don't understand.  My sister told me, "pull yourself together, you have a child that sees you as an example" which just kills me.  Sometimes I feel like an awful human being.  Worthless.  And then other times I just don't care.  

 

It doesn't help that I haven't been taking my medicine very regularly.  I try to stretch it out to make it last longer, and then I forget to take it altogether.  Stupid, I know.  But I do hate taking it.  I hate going to the pdoc.  I hate everything about this.  

 

I want a new house.  I want to run away and start over.  But I guess I'd still be depressed so it wouldn't even matter.  

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Is your husband helping with any of the laundry and things that need to be done? Maybe if you tackled it together it would be easier to do. I know that for me, I live with my brother, and when my brother starts to slack on his chores, I start to slack on my chores, and it snowballs. But, your husband should be willing to be your partner in this. 

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Is your husband helping with any of the laundry and things that need to be done? Maybe if you tackled it together it would be easier to do. I know that for me, I live with my brother, and when my brother starts to slack on his chores, I start to slack on my chores, and it snowballs. But, your husband should be willing to be your partner in this. 

 

He does help, especially with dishes and garbage and watching my daughter while I get things done and he has offered to help for whatever I need him to do.  I just... don't take him up on it I guess. :( 

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Is your husband helping with any of the laundry and things that need to be done? Maybe if you tackled it together it would be easier to do. I know that for me, I live with my brother, and when my brother starts to slack on his chores, I start to slack on my chores, and it snowballs. But, your husband should be willing to be your partner in this. 

 

He does help, especially with dishes and garbage and watching my daughter while I get things done and he has offered to help for whatever I need him to do.  I just... don't take him up on it I guess. :(

 

Well, silly. Take him up on it! Maybe you guys can take turns watching your daughter whenever he is home. That way you're giving yourself a break from doing "chore" type things. And you can sit down and play with your daughter. That's just one suggestion, though. I don't know what would work best for you. You know you, and it sounds like your husband is willing to work with you, so maybe you can sit him down and you guys can come up with a plan together. 

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This may entirely depend on finances, but have you considered getting in cleaners for a once-only hit?

It may be a lot easier to keep things going in terms of cleaning if you start from being on top of it, rather from it being on top of you.

 

I was very reluctant to let a cleaner into my house, both on principle "It's my job..." and also because of the state of it, which is a odd trap: I can't get a cleaner in, the house isn't clean enough".

 

I  now fully admit I need the help once a week, though in my case this is physical rather than mental disability.

 

Chris.

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This may entirely depend on finances, but have you considered getting in cleaners for a once-only hit?

It may be a lot easier to keep things going in terms of cleaning if you start from being on top of it, rather from it being on top of you.

 

I was very reluctant to let a cleaner into my house, both on principle "It's my job..." and also because of the state of it, which is a odd trap: I can't get a cleaner in, the house isn't clean enough".

 

I  now fully admit I need the help once a week, though in my case this is physical rather than mental disability.

 

Chris.

I have DEFINITELY considered this but because of the state it is in, I just dont know.  I think I would need to clean before I get someone in.  I do need help though.  Since posting, I have put some laundry away, cleaned off my dresser, and desk and thrown away about three bags of garbage.  Not a lot but it has helped.  Thanks all for the words of wisdom.  

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I think I would need to clean before I get someone in.

That's the paradox or the Catch-22, isn't it?

But if was already respectably clean and tidy, you wouldn't need to hire a cleaner in...

Go on, bite the bullet.

You don't have to over-explain... "I've been ill" would probably do if anything needs to be said at all.

Chris.

 

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One thing about cleaning: there is no way to do it wrong. Since it all has to get done, who gives a shit if the laundry gets put away before the dishes, or vice versa? There are also a lot of good ways to start. You can decide "Today: laundry!" or "Today I just want to clean the bathroom" or "I think I'll vacuum." I like to start with watering the plants if I'm really unmotivated. I love my plants, and walking around looking at them makes me happy, and then I think about dusting, and that leads to vacuuming, and so on.


Oh, and a girl I know used to work as a house cleaner. I guarantee that nothing you have going on is going to shock or even surprise a seasoned cleaner.

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