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Hi

 

I don't really know if I am posting in the right place. So modificators, feel free to move, thanks.

 

Hmm so I have a big problem with identity. It's like, I don't have any hopes and dreams, or knowledge of what I like or whatever. Even if I did, I don't know how it'd relate to getting a job or what job field to go in. So my question is, is there any advice service that can help with this? Or something? I feel like recruitment agencies are only a big parade leading to them doing what I could do anyway for free.

 

I hate my current job with a passion, I hear people laugh uncomfortably when I tell them I spent 50 hours a week wishing I were dead (at least), but it's not a joke (travelling time is ideation time, if I'm not asleep). Don't tell anyone, but my current job makes me dissociate (maybe), and I cry a lot (it's dumb), and have nosebleeds (it never happened before, and I'm pretty sure I haven't been near any radioactive waste recently). I'm good at being sober in general, but the only way I feel like I can face work is being high off my ass or drunk as hell.

 

All my good qualities are neglected. I'm losing my integrity. I'm really, really overqualified. I make people laugh so much. There's a good relationship with other workers because it sucks, but really all their lives are about is, how shitfaced they got on Saturday/Sunday/Wednesday night.

 

I take a razor to work a lot. I don't use it because that would be unhygienic but sometimes I just contemplate it. I want to move. I mean, I'll take a decent job in any country in the world.

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Apply to every single job offer you can. See where that takes you. After all it seems to me that you are so miserable that things can only improve. I bounced around for ten years before deciding that I wanted to go to school, and for what. Some people never decide. But we all need to be employed in the meantime (unless we qualify for disability I suppose and I do not) so we may as well try to find something that is at least tolerable while we try to figure out the rest of it. Besides the new place might teach you something, or even ignore a passion. I've found that things are clearer when they are not so full of crappiness and hate, at any rate.

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