Jump to content
CrazyBoards.org




Okay, fuck it. I can't do it anymore.


Recommended Posts

I'm about three millimeters away from throwing in the towel on food in general. I suck at cooking. The food I produce is generally edible, but I suck at actually getting around to putting things together in an arrangement that fulfills basic nutrient requirements and is digestible by the typical human being. Even bad cooks actually cook. I don't cook. This is a huge problem.

I do okay during the school year, thanks to the wonderful vegan campus soup kitchens. Their funding is weird, though. They only operate during the standard school year. Evidently those students who need their service for one reason or another are magically without nutritive requirements during exams, and, oh, I don't know, fly home for extended vacations, like geese. This means that for the past two weeks, I haven't had an actual meal at any point. I've been grazing, wandering, binging on sugar on occasion, but not actually eating.

What am I supposed to do about this? I cannot abide the thought of actually eating animal products, what with all I know about modern animal farming and the ecological inefficiency of it all. I can't afford to buy a lot of food, especially not pre-packaged pre-everything food, because I do not have money. I can't seem to actually get off my fucking ass to just COOK something already, dammit. Even cutting up carrots is this herculean effort I accomplish every four or five days. I'm just sliding.

I've been addicted to sugar for as long as I can remember. I can tell stories of the insane lengths I went to in order to obtain sweet things from as early as age 4, when I started remembering things. From learning to climb floor-to-ceiling bookshelves to slipping money from people's change jars and on and on and on, I needed my sugar fix. My summers in elementary school were spent mixing up entire pitchers of orange juice with as much sugar as they would hold, pouring the result into the largest cups I could find, and then spooning the sugargoo into my mouth while I read. Raw Jell-o powder. Powdered Gatorade mix with much sugar. Anything sugar. Sugar cubes. Whatever. This jumps in to combine itself with not cooking, resulting in days when I'll eat nothing but, say, toast with strawberry jam. Much jam. Until I start slurping the jam straight out of the jar.

Then there are those times which don't seem to have much to do with anything, when I just can't eat except maybe for one food I can sneak in there, like apples or (if I'm refusing to chew) soy milk and V8. They derail any other plan I might have come up with.

I give up on food. If I can't eat anything, then I just won't eat. To hell with bitchiness and headaches and fainting and all the other shit that goes with not eating. I can't do it anymore. Fuck it all.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 64
  • Created
  • Last Reply

cereal with rice milk, canned lentil and tomato soups, raw nuts, lettuce, crackers. that are what i live on in times of lazy-assedness or brokeness. minimal effort, not radically expensive, and they keep you alive.

cooking's not so dreadful when you get in the habit, though. if the not-eating thing doesn't work out, i can give you some easy recipes. just let me know.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm also a non-cooker.  I'm a lacto-ovo vegetarian, so there are a couple of packaged foods that I eat.  I eat a lot of microwave burritos and chocolate puddings and cheese and crackers.

I am a lousy cook and I hate doing it.  I spend entirely too much money eating out because of this fact.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I was in college I kept a 1/2 gallon of soy milk and box(es) of cereal on hand for times when either the Co-op wasn't open or I would have been forced to eat animal products for some reason.

Does the regular dining hell have spaghetti with marinara sauce or salad? I know those are the last options we usually want, because it is just expected we will eat it so flocks of our good-intentioned non-vegan neighbors try to get us to eat it all the time. To the point where puking is actually possible.

If you have a toaster oven or microwave you can make a pita pizza. If possible, score some pita bread, pizza sauce, and soy cheese, and/or assorted veggies (sometimes the latter items are hard to find. You can always have a regular eater smuggle veggies out of the dining hell for you). wolah, edible vegan cuisine at a fraction of the retail price. My ex husband and I lived for a whole summer on that stuff.

No, vegans never eat! You don't need food during non-standard school hours or times.

Don't go doing what you are uncomfortable with just because they're being jerks. You'll be able to get something. PB+J, pita pizza, random spaghetti and salad at the dining hell- those can possibly keep you afloat. Maybe the dining hell actually has veggie burgers. After 2 years of public protests outside the dining hell, they actually broke down and promised veg*an options at every meal. Perhaps there are some options.

]

Our profs also took us home and let us eat at their homes. That was nice of them. But my college only had 800 people so that was kind of an advantage. I think there were 3 whole vegans (rather than 1/2 or.6667 vegans) on campua, including my self and my husband.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The noodle packages are okay-ish, but I still can't figure out what approximation of nutrition they contain.  Sometimes I mix them with frozen peas or something.  Even those wretched MSG flavor packs contain chicken fat. 

Loon, thank you for your thoughtful answer!  My school doesn't technically have a dining hall.  They have little corners where yogurt and muffins are sold, plus a number of commecial restaurants on campus and the soup kitchen, which serves vegan food because it is environmentally friendly and the most accessible food they can prepare in bulk.  All of these places close down during exams because there simply aren't enough students on campus.  Besides, I can only afford to eat at the free place, anyway.  ;)

After two days of not eating at all, I've finally managed to go grocery shopping with my one remaining food voucher.  I have soy milk and apples and sweet potatoes again.  I also managed to "borrow" a few vegetables from my wretched workplace last night.  Now I just need to muster the will to eat some of it.  I ate the chocolate (mmm, chocolate), but the rest of it looks foreign to me.  I think I'll draw myself a meal plan, with preparation steps, and see if that works.  I seem to have more success with self-care skills once they've been made visual (hence the three whiteboards and windows covered in Sharpie scribblings which adorn my apartment).  Whatever works -- which includes posting sometimes-infantile rants to public message boards and acting on the responses.  Thank you. 

(They make lentil soup?  Dude.  I need to find this.  My own dahl turned out funny.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ramen noodles have the nutritional equivalent of paste.

My favorite lazy-ass yet mysteriously nutritious meals include:

Bowl of raw spinach leaves with cut up apple or pear, lotsa walnuts, gorgonzola cheese, and raspberry vinaigrette. Prep time: 60 seconds. Good to balance out mood.

Tuna fish in thick olive oil, snap peas and carrots, glass of Rice Dream. Prep time: 30 seconds. Good to regain energy in the afternoon.

Split pea or spicy bean soup from a can, cornbread crackers, and a navel orange. Prep time: 120 seconds, during which you can watch TV if you like. Good for calming.

Smoked salmon, everything bagel, onion and mushroom soup. Prep time: 90 seconds. Excellent lunch for very busy days. 

Spaghetti with tomato paste, mushrooms, and olive oil. Soy milk. Prep time: 6 minutes. Best on a Sunday night.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hey, jemini, i totally make a salad like that. except with dried cranberries and goat cheese instead of apple and gorgonzola. and without the dressing, because me and dressing, we have issues. romaine, feta and walnuts are good too.

ella: YES. lentil soup. i live on that stuff. it comes in a can! hooray can! since i evidently can't even cook long grain rice properly, and am the worst vegan evar, cans are good.

(seriously, wtf, long grain rice? i thought i did it right. it turned into oatmeal.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Ramen noodles have the nutritional equivalent of paste.

But kindergartners always look so healthy

Bowl of raw spinach leaves with cut up apple or pear, lotsa walnuts, gorgonzola cheese, and raspberry vinaigrette. Prep time: 60 seconds. Good to balance out mood.
Cheese evil, walnuts... no, dressing out (I've tried to make dressing, and failed), but I do eat spinach sometimes.  And apples.  And almonds.

Split pea or spicy bean soup from a can, cornbread crackers, and a navel orange. Prep time: 120 seconds, during which you can watch TV if you like. Good for calming.
Why do people think I need to expand my dietary horizons?  Why?  It took my year-of-17 therapist MONTHS before she managed to convince me to switch from honey to sweet n' sour sauce on my chicken nuggets.  Break it down simply for me:  why are cornbread crackers good?  Where would I find them?  (Just how stupid expensive are they?)  What sorts of nutrients do they contain?  Navel oranges are good.  I'll have to see if I can actually find any of these soups you people mention (and if they're vegan).  I used to like pea soup, but then I went vegan and it contains lard.

Spaghetti with tomato paste, mushrooms, and olive oil. Soy milk. Prep time: 6 minutes. Best on a Sunday night.

I think I have all but the mushrooms.  Ooh. 

My issue with rice is that I burn it.  I measure out the water very carefully, set the timer, add a wee bit of salt, and burn it all.  Frig.  I'm still working on the proper times, and on responding to the timer when it goes off, dammit.  I tend to zone in on whatever I'm doing and totally ignore the timer until fifteen or twenty minutes later, when I suddenly jump and remember, from some dim corner of my mind, that it did indeed go off.  I can usually salvage some rice.  Same happens with all other grains (barley, millet, oatmeal, quinoa).  Must.  Answer.  Timer. 

My major Meal of Stabilization used to be brown rice, frozen peas, and a frozen salmon fillet (handily supplied, in bulk, by my mother the CostCo member on her visits), with a glass of soy milk.  I still haven't found a good replacement for the salmon.  I mean, I love chickpeas and all, but they just don't feel the same. 

Soup.  Soup.  Soup. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Remind me to post later about the nutritional contents of my little meals, in answer to your question.

Almonds are good too. If you're super lazy, try trail mix from a health food store. It works on the trail. Almonds, dried aprocots, bananas, apple slices, raisins, sunflower seeds, coconut, and chocolate chips. I got through a lot of 18 hour days in the grad school semester with trail mix and Odwalla bars.

Why are people concerned with expanding your dietary horizons? Because you posted that you have given up on eating, and eating well will make you more energetic, more focused, have a brighter mood, more stress-tolerant, sleep better, and think more clearly. What do you want, people to reply that you should just stop eating? Bad idea.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

two words: rice cooker.

i can't cook rice worth a damn myself, and i consider cooking to be one of my hobbies and talents.  i can make gravy, but i can't cook rice.

rice cookers rock.  you can find them cheap a walworld.  and the microwave ones work just fine too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Remind me to post later about the nutritional contents of my little meals, in answer to your question.
Sure, thanks.  ;)

Dried fruit makes me binge.  I have occasional days or weeks when I can have it on hand without problems, but then I can't anymore and it's the portal to the out-of-control eating of anything and everything sweet.  Which really effin' sucks, because I love fruit in all its many forms. 

I have almonds, peanuts, sunflower seeds, and good good whole wheat Shreddies.  I guess I could make that into a fruitless trail mix? 

Why are people concerned with expanding your dietary horizons? Because

Not in this thread specifically, just people in general.  Even during those rare periods when I'm eating balanced meals -- I did take developmental nutrition, so I at least know when I'm doing things right, if not how to do so indefinitely -- there seems to be this vast global conspiracy to make me eat strange things.  On some days, I can handle this.  It's fine.  On other days, I just want to hide under the table with, like arrowroot biscuits until they take the weird freaky unfood away.  I evidently have a dietary age of five.  I want to work on this, but it's scary. 

One way I get around this revulsion of the unknown is to know exactly what is in everything.  I was reading the nutritional information labels in elementary school.  When I first met my older sister, who was led by orthorexia down to true anorexia several years earlier, I was shaken by the similarities.  How jam managed to sneak around the corners into my repertoire of Safe Foods despite having no nutritive worth whatsoever, I will never know.  I expect it had something to do with being pure unadulterated sugar with pretty jewel-like dye. 

Whenever I can drag myself away from the board, I will go soup-hunting.  I swear it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My "meals" listed in my other post all contain adequate protein, complex carbs, and fats, as well as minerals and vitamins that aid in digestion and help rebuild stuff and oh it's complicated. I'm too lazy to explain myself.

Eating right is essential to proper mental functioning and therefore to mental health. It isn't some alternative therapy. It's essential. Your cells, including your brain cells, are built of and use very specific nutrients and break down when you don't get these nutrients. Neurotransmitters depend on a lot of nutrients to be produced at all. Multivitamins and supplements are dubious, as most nutrients want to be consumed with specific other nutrients, that (surprise) often come together in whole (i.e. unprocessed) foods. There is a lot more stuff in an apple than carbs.

Some of the most widespread deficiencies affecting mental functioning are omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids, folate, B6, B12, copper, magnesium, potassium, calcium, zinc, iron, and protein. These are all obtained from food and many are non-existent in processed foods or overly simple diets. All of them affect nerve cell functioning, among other things.

It's not that jam has no nutritional value. It's just that it has much more nutritional value on toast with butter (I like Smart Balance, which has no animal fats but is high in omega-3 and -6 fatty acids), and some protein. Vegetarian and vegan diets require a LOT more planning to get adequate nutrition, which is why I've never stuck to them, though I don't eat much meat or dairy.

Sorry to be all motherly, but nutrition has been one of the easiest and most immediate ways I've improved my mental health over the years. Ever see Super Size Me? That guy was starting to have major mood swings within a few weeks of an all McDonald's diet.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What about canned and frozen goods? 

I eat a lot of black beans and frozen broccoli (though not together) as a poor and lazy student.  I just microwave everything.

Black beans have some protein in them, and I also eat soybeans for protein, but I don't know how available they are where you live.

I am also too lazy to cook most of the time, which means I spend more than I should on food.  I hope you get this figured out; I think Jemini's right about the importance of eating right, and a multivitamin only helps so much.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My issue with rice is that I burn it.  I measure out the water very carefully, set the timer, add a wee bit of salt, and burn it all.  Frig.  I'm still working on the proper times, and on responding to the timer when it goes off, dammit.  I tend to zone in on whatever I'm doing and totally ignore the timer until fifteen or twenty minutes later, when I suddenly jump and remember, from some dim corner of my mind, that it did indeed go off.  I can usually salvage some rice.  Same happens with all other grains (barley, millet, oatmeal, quinoa).  Must.  Answer.  Timer. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Two words for you Rice Cooker.

Put in the rice, put in the water, push the little lever down, and when it rings your rice is ready. And you can then ignore it as long as you want without it burning. Works with different kinds of rice, use broth instead of water and so forth. Probably works fine with other grains.

Believe me, these things are a miracle. And common among Chinese families.

Fiona

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm totally making some couscous tonight. It's been a while.

Lmnop -- I don't want to sound like some food nazi. I have struggled for years and will continue to struggle with my laziness when it comes to cooking, but I also know from years of pushing forward with learning about nutrition and exercise that when I feel like crap, including negative thinking, anxiety, inability to concentrate, and other shades of crappiness, a good meal *will* relieve the feeling if I'm actually able to get one in me. Doing carpentry is good because I have a daily physical reminder as well as mental as to how well I'm eating. If I eat crap, the day drags on, I work slowly, and I can really feel it.

I've come to think of food as my first line of defense against stress and one big way I can push myself further. If I know I'm going to have a long day or have multiple demands on me, I'll eat a really big breakfast with plenty of fat and protein. If I come home in the evening and know I'm going back out to see people, I'll try to eat something well-balanced for dinner, even if it is out of the microwave, and will see how much this improves interacting with people later. Eating better even makes my sleep cycle more normal.

When I was a sophomore in college I didn't know a fucking thing about diet. I'd worked out on and off for years, but basically had always eaten whatever I wanted. I decided I wanted to lose some weight, since I'd apparently packed on a permanent beer gut, and I told my girlfriend (who was extremely fit) that I was going on a diet. She said, OK, step one: stop drinking several Cokes a day. Why? I said. Because each one is 200 calories of pure refined sugar. Seemed reasonable. Cut out the chinese delivery and buffalo wings. Hmmm, yes. I decided right then that if I'm so damn smart (which, of course, I am), than there is no good reason I shouldn't apply that intelligence to making my body better. So I read some books on health and nutrition. Not diet books -- those tend to be bullshit fads, and all diet fads eventually get back to the same whole food diet that is what is healthiest. I've had periods where I've been super health-conscious for a long stretch and other times when I'm doing everything wrong, but as the years pass I've boiled down my understanding of healthy eating to the point that I'd say it's almost a skill that I'm better at than I was back then.

I'll shut up. It's an important topic for me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh except to add one other point: as a college sophomore, changing my diet was entirely about my body, losing weight, being more attractive. In recent years, I don't even think about this aspect very often. Diet is entirely about how I feel and think, and having my body in better shape is a welcome side effect.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...