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I knew I wasn't your average girl when I had my first kiss, with a girl, and she was just trying to learn how to kiss but I liked kissing HER. OHH, what a sweet moment! I should have dragged her into the living room and kissed her again and had my mom take a picture.

I had suspected before that, but when I was 7 or so I knew for sure! ;)

I got around to including men in the love when I was older, like around 13. But still, only one and only can be the first! :)

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I had suspected before that, but when I was 7 or so I knew for sure! ;)

I'm so glad to see this posted. I actually wanted to ask, but was afraid it would be too "personal"? Our son, who is, well, he's just an unusual kid in his own right (and I love every quirk) really notices boys. He made a comment to me the other day that "that boy's really beautiful". He's 5. Our ped says that while his fascination with nail polish and jewelry is typical is this age, if he's still into it at age 7, it's her experience that yes, indeed, the boys do grow up to be gay.

And no, I don't care what gender he wants to kiss, I love my son!

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i had childhood experiences with girls and boys, but i don't really associate that with any particular proclivity (perhaps an early indication of bisexuality? ;p

i did ''know'' when i was 18. i had become increasingly depressed, again, after two years of cavorting with an older man, and having that end terribly with a one-night stand with someone else. i was with that someone else, up at 3am, crying, restless, sarah maclaughlan playing, ''good enough'', that song about her battered woman friend (i learned afterward), but in my head it all was about a woman loving another woman and it's like all my longing and desire and hurt came pouring out and unburied at last;

i told my mom my suspicions quite a while before i ever dated or was with a woman.  some people have suggested that my 'rebound'  was a misguided mistake and lesbianism only a reaction to bad experiences, but it's a coincidence far as i figure.  it was never something that i was convinced of through repulsion toward men or because of bad experiences with men; it's a whole separate realm in a way - a knowledge i came to in of itself, and the two relate insofar as people (women, girlfriends, men, etc) have particular political or psychological persuasions that make these distinctions and feelings important.

only one person, with whom i have to agree the more i think about it, said something to me that stuck, and seemed the truth cutting through all the hype, hurt and politics: 'we are all the same'

it's not as hard or impossible as it first seems.

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I knew, for certain, last year.  Not at age 7 - at age 37.  I was utterly unaware of sexuality, my own or anyone else's, until I was 12 or so, and it was about that time I had my first confusing feelings.  But it was also about that time that the persecution began in middle school, where I was first called "fag" without having any idea what it meant.  I still didn't understand sexuality beyond what I had learned from reading the Time-Life Atlas of the Human Body.  My parents' one effort at the Birds-and-the-Bees talk had been an utter failure (it consisted of my dad telling me to somethingsomethingsomethingkeep-it-in-your-pants and my mom telling my sister not to sit on boys' laps.  I jibe you not).  So, whatever a "fag" was, it obviously wasn't acceptable, so I decided I wasn't.  Actually, I'm on the largely gay side of the bi spectrum, which complicated matters; the fact that I had a girlfriend in high school and one as a graduate student made it seem to me that I couldn't be gay, but that didn't explain my attraction to men.  In fact, my sporadic exposure to gay videos as an undergraduate met with violent mental reactions, to wit: buy tape, watch tape, destroy tape in fit of angst.  I convinced myself that, lacking male peer relationships, I was just curious about guys.  My two isolated experiences with sex were with women, and happened mainly because they initiated them.  I had never had a single same-sex experience of any kind.

Then I met my wife, and for ten years I put the question to rest.  But as my MI took its toll on our relationship and our intimacy faded, an attraction to men re-emerged.  In retrospect, it seems likely that she sensed where my interests lay, even though I never acted on them, and even though I found her very attractive (still do).  But once the marriage was over, the truth became obvious.  I don't recommend bottling it all up for decades to anyone.  But on the plus side, had I accepted my gay leanings earlier on, I would not have my two children, who are my guiding light.

Lord, life's confusing...

Cerberus

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I had no clue, until suddenly I knew at age 25.

I come from a fairly repressed background: US midwest, Catholic, smallish town, Catholic. So we never discussed this kind of thing, our 'sexual health' classes existed only because the state required them and were mostly spent praying.

Then I met a wonderful woman in grad school, and after a while I found myself wondering what it would be like to kiss her -- rather than the long-time male friend who had just taken me out. And it was like a light-bulb in my head. Suddenly mountains of things about my life made sense. I hadn't been able to see it, but it was clear tfor anyone with sense to see.

Fiona

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I've always known.

That sounds really haughty, but I've ALWAYS felt different from other girls and from my classmates and my peers. I just hadn't pinned it upon that at the time. And I refused to ever consider myself as a physical being, (hello anorexia!), let alone a sexual being. I existed only as an intellectual and barely even social person until maybe two or three years ago. So it wasn't an issue. I didn't want to talk about boys or fashion or sex, I wanted to talk about Proust and politics and running marathons. It was a life where I rarely smiled, had few friends, repressed every emotion, every desire, physical or emotional. So basically my whole life I've been an automaton. My sexuality was squashed along with the rest of it.

I did the whole dating guys thing, and every time it was the same. Unbelievably uncomfortable, couldn't bear to let them touch me, hating them within weeks and breaking it off. I was like "well, I can't pretend to do the whole hetero thing, I may as well ostracise myself further and start seeing girls like I'm supposed to". That's a terrible thing to have to admit to yourself, that you would prefer a life of pretense in order to fit in for once.

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I knew at 28, when I had sex with a woman for the first time.  I'm not kidding.  I really didn't think I was gay until then.

Looking back, the first time there was a big blinking sign was 5th grade, when I had a Catholic schoolgirl crush on Mrs. Smith, who spoke to the girls about "the marital act."  I also had a huge crush on Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music.  HUGE. 

I had no idea these were crushes when they happened, however, because gayness was simply never discussed in 1964 small town Texas.  It didn't exist back then.  My crushes (in complete denial) continued with other female teachers, female roommates, and female friends throughout all my years of schooling.

And no, I don't care what gender he wants to kiss, I love my son!
Rabbit37, you have just saved your son years, perhaps a lifetime, of heartache by accepting him as he is, gay or straight.
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Instinctively I've always known that I'm attracted to men.  I never really rationalised that attraction until I verbalised it to my mum when I was 17.  For me it took on a whole different form once I came out.  To be honest I'd love to go back to that time before I came out.  Reason gets in the way of everything... running on instinct, and having that knowing inside the *body* instead of your mind is a beautiful and innocent thing.  I had a lot of sex when I was young.  I had my first orgasm when I was seven years old, masturbating, before I knew what it was, and how to do it.  I never came until I was 12, and again that was a surprise.  I played with a lot of boys when I was young, pretty much from the time I started masturbating.  There was one that I had sex with regularly from about 12 to 16.  We hardly knew what we were doing, but that was the best bit.  I've got Brokeback Mountain on my mind tonight, but it reminds of the characters in that, who don't have any idea of what gay means, and they're totally running on instinct.  Our factured, manufactured, highly rationalised and compartmentalised lives really fuck things up.  We do trade our innocence for experience, but what do we gain? When you're a child you're often more right than you are now.

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I was a bit of a "late bloomer" by some peoples' standards perhaps--but not by some on this thread.  I didn't *know* until I was oh...well, let's say 21 or 22? It's a little murky because I was seeing a guy at the time and I went through the whole "maybe I'm just bi" thing." But I say that tongue in cheek because I had a very poor sense of sexual identity from day one.

I didn't get the "birds and bees" talk from mom and dad.  I guess I picked it up on my own from books and from talking with friends.  I honestly don't remember.  And I was such a detached, scientific and clinical little kid.  I wasn't in touch with my sexual self.  I remember having very strong feelings for female friends but they dare not become sexual!

Boyfriends? HA! Not much luck in that department.  I had a couple and I did have sex when a teenager but it was robotic and not pleasurable.  And done to escape painful feelings.  I didn't tramp around but I looked for something to fill the emptiness inside.

I "straightened" myself out and finally worked on a teensy bit of self esteem and started dating a guy 6 years my senior when I was 18.  He had an older brother who was dating a woman who was yet several years older than him.  You can see where this is going can't you...?

Enter first kiss.

It was New Year's Eve and bf's bro's gf and I go to the bathroom together and it happens.  Fuck.  She was like 29 or something and I was I still in high school?!? (that's okay...I ended up doing the same thing but that's ANOTHER thread...) 

All of the sudden, with that one kiss, I understood SO much.

But she was manipulative and kept doing this push/pull "I'm not gay" bullshit and I'm like, yeah, sure sweetheart...  I fell for her like a ton of bricks.  The bf? I confessed about a year later after i just couldn't stand this woman's very near borderline behaviour.  He was very good about it and even tried to set me up with a friend of his who might be interested haha.  We ended our relationship after a little over 3 years together.  I had moved away and he had become interested in someone else...and basically I "came out"...completely after that.

Karen

Postscript: I still fucked guys (chosen words specifically) after that point...mostly due to illness, manias etc...  I even entered back into a relationship with a guy for about a year maybe after being rejected and feeling so hurt by this one object of my affection that I just said "Fuck ALL Women" and I'll just go back to guys...subconsciously.  I must enphasize that.  I didn't just go find some guy to replace her.  I just met this one guy and we became friends and then started sleeping together.  We were drinking buddies, essentially.  It was weird and messed up.  But then I became unhappy and missed women too much.  I ended it.

So some people might say I'm "bi" but I don't identify as such.  Just because I can physically have sex with a man doesn't make me straight or bi.  I like men as friends but I love women, romantically speaking.

Okay...long post.  Better shut up now.

Karen

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I don't really think I belong here but...

I guess I consider myself armchair BI...I like girls, I like boys...I'm VERY insecure about myself, but strangely not about my sexuality. I have problems with other people not being comfortable with my sexuality and don't know how to deal with that, and am mostly too messed up to deal with it.

My BF is cool with me looking at "girly pics", the rest of my family considers it part of my mental illness, my sis considers me one of the signs of the impending apocalypse. And I just don't want to go through the bull of explaining it all to some of my friends. 

I was VERY young when I first understood that I liked girls too... I was in theatre and dance and I always liked being in the dressing room with other girls changing...it was close, warm, feminine...I dunno, I never really have had a problem with it. I wish now that I'd followed my instincts and not married the scumbag that I did...but you know hindsight.

I look at all the pretty girl sites, Met Art, Fem Joy etc...I have a long term crush on a girl/friend in my town. I'm in a fairly monogamous m/f relationship...he has a thing for this girl too and would like a permenant threesome...I'm too insecure about my self/my body.

You wanna talk messed up ;)

I'm hoping that I will learn self acceptance and confidence through therapy...giving yourself to someone with a baggage train that stretches three states is no gift

I have this queer belief (forgive the pun) that underneath it all everyone is basically bi to one degree or another and that society forms most of us one way or another. Mind you this is based on nothing but personal thoughts on human nature. I've never read any thing on the subject.

My input, for what it's worth.

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desire of pleasure is different from a desire to create a life ( I know I'm going to stomp on toes...I don't count inadvertant creation of life)  One of my personal quests is to overcome the abuses of my past and truly enjoy sex. It's al; locked in my head and most people don't have the patience to help me let it out

Do we really NEED lables?????? guy, bi etc seems silly

While I 'll be the first to admit that I find gay pride events silly and too camp, I do want every consenting adult to find joy in this most basic of acts.

Here goes the plaintive plea

"Can't we all just get along?????"

of course, the answer is no

sad

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like foucault said (more or less)

before 'the Homosexual'  there were bodies.. and pleasure..

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Foucault is just brilliant.  If you're mad in any way "Madness and Civilisation" is THE book.  Not just saying it, but it changed my life.  Of course he was gay too.  He was massively into S&M, and wrote about it as well.  He died in 1984 of AIDS.  Would have loved to have been one of his students.  "Discipline and Punish: The birth of the Prison" is also a great read.  There are common political themes throughout all his work.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I had suspected before that, but when I was 7 or so I knew for sure! ;)

I'm so glad to see this posted. I actually wanted to ask, but was afraid it would be too "personal"? Our son, who is, well, he's just an unusual kid in his own right (and I love every quirk) really notices boys. He made a comment to me the other day that "that boy's really beautiful". He's 5. Our ped says that while his fascination with nail polish and jewelry is typical is this age, if he's still into it at age 7, it's her experience that yes, indeed, the boys do grow up to be gay.

And no, I don't care what gender he wants to kiss, I love my son!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Nail polish and jewelry...if that part continues, there may be more trans issues than sexual orientation necessarily.  Or both. Or neither.  ::shrug::

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I had suspected before that, but when I was 7 or so I knew for sure! ;)

I'm so glad to see this posted. I actually wanted to ask, but was afraid it would be too "personal"? Our son, who is, well, he's just an unusual kid in his own right (and I love every quirk) really notices boys. He made a comment to me the other day that "that boy's really beautiful". He's 5. Our ped says that while his fascination with nail polish and jewelry is typical is this age, if he's still into it at age 7, it's her experience that yes, indeed, the boys do grow up to be gay.

And no, I don't care what gender he wants to kiss, I love my son!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Nail polish and jewelry...if that part continues, there may be more trans issues than sexual orientation necessarily.

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