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I am not usually allowed to stay home alone for extended periods of time. Today I'm alone... and I trashed the house.


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I'm 22 but due to my psychiatrist's advice and my breakdowns/episodes, I'm usually not left home alone for more than 3-4 hours.

 

Well, I am going to be alone until around 1 am (6 hours) and I ruined it. I was triggered by something really minor, but I took three wooden chairs and smashed them, shattered my mom's antiques, broke a picture frame, there's food all over the floor. I went psychotic. I was screaming at the top of my lungs and probably alerted the neighbors. I can barely talk because I was screaming so much. Nobody was even here, I was screaming and cursing to myself.

 

This could have been a chance to prove that I can be alone and I ruined it. I went beyond ruining it. :( I don't know how I can make this up. There is glass and porcelain everywhere. My parents are at a wedding and I would feel terrible calling them telling them what happened. Should I? Or should I wait until they get home.

 

I feel so depressed now. :'(

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Why don't you try to clean up the mess and wait till they get home to tell them what happened.

I did clean it up. Thank you. I broke my mom's antique bowl, which we've had for years, which she kept things in, I just found another bowl and moved the stuff into that. The chairs seem OK, but other stuff not so much.

 

I wish I had a friend to call or somebody to talk to when this all happens but I have no friends and no real family besides my parents. :( So this is the only place I can really go.

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Do your best to start cleaning up. That's really all I can say. I wouldn't call them unless you're really having issues. It sounds like you might be. I hope you didn't break anything very valuable and it's not a huge deal for them.

We have had that bowl I broke for years. My mom collects blue and white antiques and that was one and I threw a chair and smashed it. :( I put another bowl there but I think she'll notice pretty quick.

 

I decided not to call them. Actually I started calling my dad but hung up after 1 ring because I was nervous that they would have left the party because of me (my dad had to leave his work party once because I had a violent episode and I felt very guilty) so I will just let this be for now.

 

I take Klonopin which can calm me down a bit but once I am triggered like this I completely lose control of myself. It's a curse. It is one of these episodes that got me suspended and nearly expelled from college. I should be graduating now, I got suspended at the very end of my junior year semester due to a violent outburst. They gave me a psychiatric evaluation to see if I was stable enough to go back and they deemed me so. I was honestly shocked. But while I'm happy they took me back, I'm a whole year behind. :(

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Still very depressed over this even though I cleaned up. I could have proven that I can stay home alone this would have been my chance but I messed it up all I do is ruin everything. :(

It's ok. It is only a bowl. No one got hurt.

I would call your parents unless they are somewhere they cannot be disturbed.

I don;'t know them but as a parent, I would want to know before I got home.

Apologize and print out this thread. Let them know what happened.

 

We all make mistakes.

It is the only way to learn.

If we did not fail we would not succeed.

And the only way to succeed it to take a risk.

you took that risk and stayed home alone.

good for you.

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Take it easy, guy; it's not your fault. I don't know what their thought process was which left them to agree that maybe you were ready to be left alone for an extended period of time, but I'm presuming they knew this was a risk. As much as it might suck to break antiques, it doesn't sound like you broke anything that was in the family for generations, that sort of thing.

 

Don't beat yourself up like that chair, it's not like you don't know you've done wrong, that you don't care. Objects can be replaced - even antiques, all that crap can be replaced but you can't.  :)

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