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I just moved back to a place my family has lived since pre civil war and just a few years after revolutionary

And my life's been weird and such and this place is full of memories

But I am haunted by some things and I can not sleep at all. Sometimes I stay up for about a week(I self medicate after 3 days to make it stop this is my rule or things get really hard on me)

And lately ( yesterday and today ) I wake up with vivide dreams of horrible things. And j know it's very real. The smells are so familiar. And something I wish I could talk about safely here but I don't think it's healthy.

It's so hard. I've been crying since 3 and it's now 5:03

I'm sorry.


Is it a moldy type of smell?


I have a very sensitive noise. Smells give me migraines, trigger my depressions.

I also smell IN my dreams.


You might try getting a new pillow and applying some type of smell that is a good trigger.

Like lavender leaves, or ceder bark or patchouli. Whatever you like best.


For me the scent of the boxwood bush immediately raises my endorphins. When I was very very little my girlfriends' mom would take us to art openings at this old mansions. We used to run around this HUGE boxwood maze. I spent the day with my bestest friend, away from my family with art and boxwood. 

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