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Anxiety Breakdown


Guest BOYD

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I had a very bad breakthrough anxiety attack yesterday. I could not think rationally and I may have unintentionally when over the top in response

to the situation. Now I'm very destressed with recurring thoughts, what ifs and

general craziness. My issues need to be resolved and could be in a moment but

contact with the person seems to be fruitless. :)

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OK:

  You don't really articulate what happened. But it sounds to me (who has been here) that fear took over. That is all anxiety attacks really are - fear. And we with GAD, can get triggered so easily that we do and say things we don't mean.

  I have a couple ideas. One is: it may not be as bad as you think it is. You must have scared the person. Does this person understand your anxiety disorder? I have a feeling that most times, we make things was bigger than they actually are.

  The other thing is this: your mind is racing with "what ifs". So you need to answer them. Help to squash the fear. Answer them with "so whats". Example: "so what if I don't get the job I really want?" Answer " there is most likely another job around the corner." You catch my drift? Answer your questions without going on and on with the "what ifs".

  It is Christmas. I bet if you scan the boards, you will find many who are freaking for whatever reasons. It happens like clock work every year. This may have had a hand in it.

  Do you have some meds? Can you take some time for you, each day, until you feel better? Listen to some soothing music, preferable without lyrics that will crank you up again. I have some meditation music to fall asleep by. I awake feeling so much better, and I don't reach for the klonopin bottle first thing.

  My guess is this. You are a really nice guy Boyd. You didn't mean to hurt this person. You just got triggered and off you went. Happens. So many of us have done the same. You need 1) rest 2) good food 3) about a dozen less Christmas chores.

  You'll be OK. Writing helps. Just hang in there and don't WORRY. OK?

Breeze

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Boyd Boyd Boyd...You are human Dear Sir.

You have vastly inproved over several months and this one set back is just ...a setback.

SO you have a hot head in there at times and that adreneline rush can really muck you  up for days afterward.  Breeze gave you excellant advice. (She so smart!)

If you do whatever you can to remedy the situation whether it is heard or accepted or not, then you should let go of any guilt you are holding onto or fears about hurting someone or losing control. As others have said many of us have been there done it and felt like asses later. Own up to it then let it be. As it seems you have done. (the owning up part)

It is scarey when we get in that strange place of no sense. At least you didn't get stuck there. ;)

Breathe deep, it will be fine. You do your best and forgive yourself.

Write to me and vent or if you need a spanking or something.  :)

CC~

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Alrighty then.......

  Still not in the "happy place".

  I agree that alcohol is not a great thing for anxiety. Works great at the time, then tends to swing the other way. Been there did that. Did that A LOT.

  It's a stressful time of year guy. Try and enjoy what you have.

  As to the other person....do flowers work? We are big on flowers around here. Hubby sends them "just because" and when he's been a jerk. ( anxiety and stress related, he is not abussive, wouldn't know how)

  Look, I know this is rough, and you don't sound a lot better. But I think you might want to focus on breathing and calming down a bit. ( and I hate it when they say that to me too.)

  Do you work out? Maybe a good trot around the gym would help? My p-doc says that swimming is so good for my anxiety because I am forced to regulate my breathing. A big key in getting this under our control.

  Hang in there.

Breeze

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Well. Alrighty then.

Maybe it is the full moon happening right before the holidays mixed with the SAD kicking in full force and too much coffee I have been drinking to kick the SAD back in the face and then the not sleeping because I drank all that coffee and the needing to get a million things done but Im a zombie and dont want to do any of it and I cant stop running off at the mouth either which is why Ive actually been taking a few days away from CB because I havent been my normal smooth easy going self.

These are the days I consider to be MY near hypomanias only the Docs tell me no, they may feel like them to me because I am more frustrated and talkative and emotionally aware but they cause no real problems and always right themselves quickly.

They are a bitch for me though.

So I dunno if you have similar bouts or your own unique ones but remember they come and go and yes you have still made great progress and my hothead remark was a tease as in hot in the moment to react if only verbally.

There was that enough proof of rambling and carry on sentences?

whew!~ now share a chill pill with me.

CC~

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Boyd:

I think this lexapro has an effect on my emotions

I could not take lexapro. I was on it for a whopping 5 days. It is not the med for everyone. I can't take SSRI's. They make me very high strung, very "excited", too happy, and then too agitated. Like YOU. So there IS someone <raises hand> who can't even take this med because of the above.

So SSRI's are out for me. Yet, I am medicated. ;)

I am on a strange cocktail that does not mess with my weight or my sex life. I take a blood pressure med called clonidine for anxiety. It is an older med, and it is GREAT. Because it doesn't have the roller coaster effects you are describing.

I have a similar situation to you. Anxiety brought on by stress, and I love this med. It actually lowers your adrenaline, which in turn, tunes down the anxiety big time. I can take one pill in the morning and I am on an even keel all day.

I take nuerontin at night. I was on it as my main med, but it was too sedating, so I fall asleep with it. I like it too. I use the liquid which absorbs faster. I am also on klonopin.

BUT, BOYD, look into Clonidine. It is so wonderful because it doesn't have side effects, except lower blood pressure.

It may just be Boyd that Lexapro is not for you. It happens.

Breeze

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dear Boyd,

you've gotten all the good advice i can think of and more.

i'm just here to offer my firsthand understanding of getting triggered so badly, and a big warm hug.

you are a good person and this situation will pass. breathe deep, my friend, and please be good to yourself.

love to you.

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Boyd:

From when you first started posted here, many of us suspected that you might be bipolar.  Sudden severe anxiety that seems to come out of nowhere can fit that profile.  Since then, you have said nothing to make me think otherwise.  I don't know if you are still seeing just a GP or not.  If so, please please please do whatever it takes to get yourself to a psychiatrist.  A therapist might also be helpful in figuring out what is going on, if nothing else.  It sounds like you need more help than you are getting.  There is only so much you can get out of talking to people online.

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and as one of those caring people online i want to add my wholehearted support for VE's suggestion. i want to see you get better soon so you can keep enjoying nature's other (as in ski-able) mountains and valleys B) good luck with the doc dear one.

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I had a very bad breakthrough anxiety attack yesterday. I could not think rationally and I may have unintentionally when over the top in response

to the situation. Now I'm very destressed with recurring thoughts, what ifs and

general craziness. My issues need to be resolved and could be in a moment but

contact with the person seems to be fruitless. :P

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Uh, Robot? It's Christmas and ANYONE would react that way.

Just don't say "bomb" once you are on the plane.

And my dear Boyd......

I don't know if you are still seeing just a GP or not.

WHAT?

This is not good. You need a p-doc that I assumed you had. This isn't real normal for anxiety to have "rages". Which up until VE's post I believed to be an isolated incident.

Get a p-doc and save the GP for your heart attack.

Breeze

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Boyd,

I'm going to chime in here with a third for the serious importance of seeing a pdoc and not a gp.  even if you are not bipolar, in some people ssris are not friendly with mood swings.  it took a really good pdoc to figure out that ssris caused my mood swings and that i needed a differend approach to my depression than ssris.  i'm not saying lexapro isn't for you, i (obviously) am not in your shoes or even near your physical person.  i just  know that when i was on ssris i also felt somewhat emotionally raw and was prone to extreme rage.  i thought this was normal as i'd been on them since i was 15.  lo and behold, i'm one of those people for whom ssris cause mood swings.  lexapro can be a godsend for depression and anxiety... but it can also cause volitile mood swings if you are bipolar, or, if you are like me, ssris can cause a form of bipolar. 

i don't mean to harp and lecture, it's just so so important that you see a doctor who really knows psych meds because medications treat people so differently that you need an expert watching you to make sure the meds are taking you in the right direction.

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Uh, Robot? It's Christmas and ANYONE would react that way.

Just don't say "bomb" once you are on the plane.

And my dear Boyd......

I don't know if you are still seeing just a GP or not.

WHAT?

This is not good. You need a p-doc that I assumed you had. This isn't real normal for anxiety to have "rages". Which up until VE's post I believed to be an isolated incident.

Get a p-doc and save the GP for your heart attack.

Breeze

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks Breeze.  You know I seem to do that often...I mean feel like the situation is the end of the world, panick attack followed by depression followed by mania where I feel like I didn't "deserve" to panick because I'm not dying of cancer, etc......  my pdoc and therapist say this may be because of my issues with my parents and them not acknowledging that depression is a real disease, you see, they think that only weak overly sensitive people react this way.  Normal and GOOD people suck it up, keep their chin up and move on.......

ug, my dad is so fucked up.  his emotions are so burried, he just might explode....

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Thanks Breeze.  You know I seem to do that often...I mean feel like the situation is the end of the world, panick attack followed by depression followed by mania where I feel like I didn't "deserve" to panick because I'm not dying of cancer, etc...... 

once someone told me that i had no right to be depressed b/c people were starving in africa and i was a spoiled american.  that just made me more depressed b/c then i started thinking about all the people in africa. 

there will always be someone somewhere who is worse off than you in any given moment.  but, illness isn't a pissing contest and you don't have to prove your life sucks to be depressed. 

i always say that the worst day a person has ever had is the worst day of their lives.  period.  it doesn't matter if their worst day was a twisted ankle and on your worst day the sky fell down.  to them, that twisted ankle is the worst they've ever know and dammit, it fucking hurts. 

my pdoc and therapist say this may be because of my issues with my parents and them not acknowledging that depression is a real disease, you see, they think that only weak overly sensitive people react this way.  Normal and GOOD people suck it up, keep their chin up and move on.......

ug, my dad is so fucked up.  his emotions are so burried, he just might explode....

there should be a club for fathers who think emotions are a sign of weakness.  love my dad to bits, don't get me wrong, but i think a lot of people could be spared a lot of pain if westerners all learned that emotions are natural and nothing to be ashamed of, you know?

marsha linehan, the DBT inventor doctor, called parents like that an "emotionally invaladating environment."  and growing up in one is hard.  it's hard enough to be depressed without feeling that you have to justify your emotions. 

i'm glad to hear that you and your therapist are working on this.  you can't change the way your father thinks, but it sounds like you've already changed how you think about them.  and, hopefully, you'll be able to fully internalize that work so that you don't hold on to guilt and shame about your emotions. 

i try and tell myself that oprah cries almost every day on TV, and she's doing pretty good for herself, so emotions can't be that bad ;)

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Thanks for all the concern, I mean it. VE and the mods have been all over me about a PDOC.i the past Bipolar is not me, small chance. GAD is 100%.

i promise i won't hound you over this incessantly....

i have GAD.

i am not normally bipolar.

when i am on SSRIs, however, i am bipolar. 

i am not saying that i know that you are this type of bipolar, but it is a not uncommon problem and something that a psychiatrist really really should be overseeing.

i love my GP, he is a great man.  he has done wonderful things for my thyroid and my energy levels.  but he won't touch my psyc meds with a 10 foot pole.  he knows what they are, he's in the same building as my pdoc, they eat lunch.  but he has refused to write a refill rx for my psyc meds in the past (i had missed a pdoc appointment) because he is not a psychiatrist and he knows that he is not.  my GP is an incredible doctor.  hell, he's even a good listener.  but he is not a psychiatrist and so he will not treat psychiatric problems.  they are beyond his realm of knowledge.  period. 

please, pretty please, ask your GP or insurance company or the phone book for the number of a psychiatrist.

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Heya BOYD,

Hey buddy.

First, Call of Duty 2 rocks the universe.  Project Gotham Racing also is awesome, but then I have a thing for car crashes.

Second, who in hell do you think would be more scared/sceptical to see a psychiatrist and/or therapist than me?  A freaking DOCTOR!?!  Good God I knew my dx for years before I got the guts to go in there and be myself.

Granted my therapist sucked.  Lots of docs (including, Breeze, cardiologists) really suck.

But my family doc is awesome.  All the things I want to kick myself for, she lets blow by her. And she figured out my dx, and was humble enough to ask for a psych consult.

And the two psychiatrists I've seen are really smart guys who just wanted to hear my story.

BOYD, I just want you to be okay.

The diagnosis doesn't matter.

So long as the treatment (meds, therapy-which-is-meds-for-my-brain) makes you feel **better.**

--ncc--

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