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After 11 years, I'm feeling better, but...


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I was cat sitting for my sister while she was out of town last week and I finally realized how great I've been feeling.  I get home (I live with my parents and brother) and my mom immediately starts nagging me about getting a job and moving out.  I feel like I've reached the point where I can finally do things I want to do and actually live my life, but the moment I step into this house its like a prison.  I'm miserable here and I'm working ridiculously hard to leave, but it never seems good enough for my mom.  My mom is a teacher so she has the summer off and the solace I was feeling with her and my dad being gone in the day has vanished.  I want to feel happy and be happy and just live, but every time I come home I just feel utter resentment and dismay at being around my parents.  I don't understand what my mom is thinking.  "I'll make Lys's life miserable after her being miserable for 11 years, just because I don't want her here."  I haven't cried in months, but I started today.  I'm not sure if the crying is because I'm feeling better and can actually cry or that I am just not doing as well as I thought.

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We have a saying in this house... "This house is a fucking prison!" I also live with my parents, brother, and my 2 sons. Sometimes I swear my mom is trying to make my life hell. I cherish the time I get to leave and go spend time with my boyfriend. Even though my mother herself has depression and anxiety, she seems to understand nothing about my mental illness. She just thinks I'm "moody" and "bitchy". She doesn't understand that you can't control your moods with Bipolar. I try to ignore her and avoid her as much as I can. She has a way of turning my good days into bad ones. Honestly in my opinion, I think it's jealously. I'm almost done with my 2 year degree, I'm VP of the Honor Society, and I'm in the Public Information Officer of the SGA at my college. She never did anything with her life except for being a mother(which is not nothing). She never went to college, she never had a career. She always just stayed at home with us kids while my dad was in the military. Even though she should be happy for me doing something with my life, she's not. And that makes me sad and makes me even more ready to get out of this house for good. Don't let them bring you down. I hope everything works out ok.

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I just want to say I am sorry you are going through this.  When I was in college, on breaks or over the summer, it was hell living at my parents house for many reasons.  I don't think they didn't like my being there, but it was a prison.  Even the phone ... I didn't have a cell phone at the time, so I shared a phone with my parents.  No privacy to do anything.  So I can kind of understand where you are coming from and if it was like what I dealt with, it must be a nightmare for you.

When do you see your pdoc or tdoc next?

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I would tell them what it is like living at home and see if they can come up with any other options. 

Have you ever applied to get housing through the housing authorities in different towns?  It is a lot of paperwork and there is usually a waiting list, but totally worth it in the end.  If your pdoc and tdoc write letters stating that there is sufficient reason for you to leave home immediately and you have no where else to go, you might be put on the emergency waiting list.  Or maybe apply for a Section 8 voucher.  They are hard to get but you never know.  I was lucky to get a Section 8 voucher so I could move out on my own.  That was my ticket out.

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