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so a handful (maybe two handfuls? my memory of mental stuff is often really poor) of times I've had 'episodes' that I previously considered manic, and now I'm not so sure.

  • I felt out of touch with reality - everything felt hyper-real, but in a sort of... you know if you sharpen an image too much and you get noise? so it's overly sharp but it's not right? that. (God, my metaphors are bad. It's the only way I know how to communicate this stuff, though.)
  • My thoughts were racing and looking back on the blogging and conversations I had at the time my speech was very disorganised, and my typing was all off.
  • I was having self harm and other intrusive thoughts and impulses.
  • I was having... flashbacks? I guess? I had moments where I had a very vivid memory of/felt like I was back at a particular part of my life
  • I was also hearing music that I don't know if it was real or not - it sounded real, as in it was outside of my head, but the music itself wasn't anything I recognised - kind of chime-y, a bit like the Minecraft music? There's a chance it was from a baby mobile or something, though. I don't know what they sound like, but there is a baby in the house.
  • Earlier in the day I'd been getting confused about what I'd said to people in a conversation and what I'd just thought.

Do these sound typical for bipolar disorder/mania to anyone else? Or even atypical-but-not-unheard-of? It only lasted a few hours, and that's been the case when I've had similar episodes - one of which I was so out of touch that I couldn't go back to my house because it seemed so unreal that it was actively frightening.

(Side note: my only diagnosis is "bipolar disorder" that I've seen on paper - that I've put type 1 and psychotic features in my signature is due to my experiences, not due to my diagnosis)

[edited for awkward/bad grammar]

Edited by theswordandthepen
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I've definitely experienced the first two during manic episodes.  I remember at times things seemed brighter and more real and I felt like I was outside of/above it all (like in enlightenment).  Racing and disorganized thoughts is a pretty common part of mania.  I've had some confusion as well.  I've gotten obsessive/intrusive thoughts, but not related to self-harm. 

During my psychotic episode, I heard music, but I didn't think it was coming from outside of my head.  

 

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Yeah, I'm not looking for another diagnosis, I know that's my pdoc's job, I was just hoping people would come along and say "nah, that's normal" or "no, go talk to someone about that".

You should certainly talk to your doc about it, but manicgem and I both recognize them.

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Not sure if that helps, and I'm not a doctor, but I sometimes get weird episodes where I just feel on edge and like everything is off, just not right. It's very very weird and very hard to describe. I find that it almost always happens when my mood changes, both when episodes end and begin. And it's even there when episodes are very mild on medication. Do you keep a mood journal? Does this happen during episodes or when you are stable? I'd try to understand when this happens and talk to your doctor.

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so a handful (maybe two handfuls? my memory of mental stuff is often really poor) of times I've had 'episodes' that I previously considered manic, and now I'm not so sure.

  • I felt out of touch with reality - everything felt hyper-real, but in a sort of... you know if you sharpen an image too much and you get noise? so it's overly sharp but it's not right? that. (God, my metaphors are bad. It's the only way I know how to communicate this stuff, though.)
  • My thoughts were racing and looking back on the blogging and conversations I had at the time my speech was very disorganised, and my typing was all off.
  • I was having self harm and other intrusive thoughts and impulses.
  • I was having... flashbacks? I guess? I had moments where I had a very vivid memory of/felt like I was back at a particular part of my life
  • I was also hearing music that I don't know if it was real or not - it sounded real, as in it was outside of my head, but the music itself wasn't anything I recognised - kind of chime-y, a bit like the Minecraft music? There's a chance it was from a baby mobile or something, though. I don't know what they sound like, but there is a baby in the house.
  • Earlier in the day I'd been getting confused about what I'd said to people in a conversation and what I'd just thought.

Do these sound typical for bipolar disorder/mania to anyone else? Or even atypical-but-not-unheard-of? It only lasted a few hours, and that's been the case when I've had similar episodes - one of which I was so out of touch that I couldn't go back to my house because it seemed so unreal that it was actively frightening.

(Side note: my only diagnosis is "bipolar disorder" that I've seen on paper - that I've put type 1 and psychotic features in my signature is due to my experiences, not due to my diagnosis)

[edited for awkward/bad grammar]

I get all of these except for the flashbacks. For me they are "normal" and are just a part of my schizoaffective disorder. Maybe you should speak to your pdoc? I know these things can happen with bipolar but usually it only happens when manic or severely depressed. If you're getting these symptoms outside the mood episodes then it's worth speaking to someone about it.

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