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Butterflyx

Mentally Weak

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Im so over this anxiety. It is crippling. I feel constant worry, impending doom. I have a million thoughts and ideas that run through my head, repeated endlessly like a looped reel. Im over it. I just want relief. And when I take my lorazepam to help, it only succeeds in making me depressed.

Im so tired of it all. On top of it, I feel guilt. I didn't walk the dog long enough, I acted like a brat today to my husband; I don't pay enough attention to the cat, and I don't clean the apartment well enough.

I feel inadequate as a person, and cant focus us on anything but the shit that doesn't matter. I want to be fucking normal. I want to be able to say 'I feel like going to the mall' and GO, or have motivation to decorate, not only fantasize about it. I want to be able to follow through with things. I just want to. be. functional.

Id almost prefer panic attacks over this. This just feels like a fucking weight on my chest 24/7.

 

Im making an appointment tomorrow with my doctor to try buspar. I cant take it anymore.

Edited by Butterflyx

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I'm glad you are seeking out help. I hope the buspar helps you. Remember, it won't be instantaneous.

Have you thought about taking a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) class? CBT can really help get runaway thoughts under control.

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No, I haven't heard of those. 

I did try yoga and meditation but like everything in my life, I didn't stick to it. Right now my anxiety is so bad I don't even have the energy to do it .

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I really hope buspar will work for me. I'm at my wits end. I know the wellbutrin is what's making it worse but I really don't wanna be on an ssri again. 

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I hope the buspar works. When it works, it works really well. But be aware it is hit or miss. If you are still feeling really bad 6-8 weeks after starting it, it is probably time to talk to your pdoc.

I shouldn't be borrowing trouble, I just wanted to make sure you knew.

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I hope the buspar works. When it works, it works really well. But be aware it is hit or miss. If you are still feeling really bad 6-8 weeks after starting it, it is probably time to talk to your pdoc.

I shouldn't be borrowing trouble, I just wanted to make sure you knew.

borrowing trouble? What do you mean?

ive read a lot on it and it seems like it is hit or miss. If it doesn't work.. I think I'm going to have to come off the wellbutrin. 

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I mean, I probably shouldn't be preparing you for bad news when you probably won't even *get* bad news.

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I also have the impending doom feelings most if the time. I feel like someone is pushing me down so I can't do anything....like holding me back like a huge weight on my body. So hard to explain. Just sucks

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I, too, hope the buspar works and second crtclms suggestion of trying Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).  Its a really good way to reign in your anxious thoughts.  Do you see a therapist?  If you do, ask about CBT.  If not, there are lots of workbooks that can guide you through it.

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I don't see a therapist. I have an appointment with my doctor for Wednesday. Today was awful. I feel cognitively fucked up. I couldn't even remember a coworkers name today. It was scary. I don't know if its because I stressed so badly yesterday, or because Ive been taking lorazepam. I just feel confused. On top of that, my Adderall isn't working with my wellbutrin. If anything, I just feel totally amped and unorganized.

I really don't want to come off the wellbutrin xr because it helps my depression. I just don't know that keeping weight off is worth all this anxiety. I think Im one of those that wellbutrin just isn't good for, but im stubborn. Also, I take generic wellbutrin xr and Ive heard that can make a difference as far as the anxiety feeling. I just feel so lost.

Edited by Butterflyx

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For me, keeping the weight off or losing weight is not worth it. I know it's unhealthy but I just have no choice. I need the meds or I'll end up long term IP again.

FWIW, wellbutrin messes with my anxiety too. The higher the dose the worse it gets. And I can see why adderal and wellbutrin make you feel very amped up. They are both activating meds. Some people need that though. So definitely talk to your pdoc about your needs though.

I hope you can get on buspar and that it helps. No one deserves to feel that anxious.

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