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Hey there,

My name is Kelsey and I am living with multiple illnesses(bipolar type 3,aka cyclothymia, ADHD, alcoholism, paranoia, eat disorders etc) that my doctor refuses to treat until I gain his trust back.. (I want a new pdoc, but he knows me and my tricks)... I recently overdosed on over 11700mg of lithium, 1300mg of seroquel, 1040 mg of both prozac and vyvance. I had to spend 5 day in the ICU in hard cuffs and soft cuffs. I spend 24 of those hours getting my blood dialysised. The rest of the time I spend was hallucinating my team of nurses were all the enemies in my favorite primetime shows (too many to name on here). I bit my head nurse, bruised her from kicking her in the stomach during the switch from hard cuffs to soft. I escaped my hands from the cuffs and it all seems to be a blur, so much I have to ask relatives if it really happened or  if it were just a dream. Once the lithium was out of my system and all the hallucinations stoppedal they wheeled me to a psych ward where I was miserably happy.. no matter what happened, I had the biggest shit eating grin on my face. I was happy. There wasn't a thing nurse, an orderly, doctor, social worker, or peer could say or do to me that would make me unhappy(however, my husband did tell me that my mania was getting good worse every evening he saw me) I . I guess the 5 day ordeal in the ICU really had an impact onot my life and I had yet to realise it until I started to talk to everyone about all my life decisions that haday everything to do with my addictions and mental illnesses. I flip two suvs, got 18 stitches in both wrist. Wrecked four vehicles, been to jail, extreme drug and alcohol abuse, etc. Every action whether a positive or negative impact on my life was because I was living in denial about being sick and walking around refusing help. I live in the midatlantic region. I don't know much about support groups(online or local) that I can meet people like me. I am living with these diagnosis, practically untreated trying to survive. I could write a novel on my life. But I wont... at least not today. Until next time.. 

---Kelsey

Edited by ThatKO
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Hi, Kelsey, and welcome aboard CB! I'm glad you found us. It sounds like you've been through a lot, but I'm glad you are still here and have decided to join us. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me or any other staff member and we will do our best to help.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi KK,

I am new here too and looking through introductions. The reason that I stopped to say a few words is that I cannot believe that you been diagnosed with cyclothymia. What do you think about that diagnosis-- does it seem right to you ?

In a real sense "who cares? " Your diagnosis should be the one that works. But in your case if you have been hospitalized for manic symptoms and/or delusional you should "go to jail, do not collect $200"  and move your monopoly token to a diagnosis of bipolar I. The reason that bipolar 1, 2, or 3 matters is that it  has a direct effect upon  choice of treatment, especially medication. I have been diagnosed with bipolar I for too many years, and what you describe is exactly what I have done before being hospitalized for several weeks. With the curtains closed. 

 Also, I cannot believe you have a psychiatrist that wants you to behave before you'll receive medication. That is actually malpractice. And it sounds like "you can't have dessert until you eat your vegetables." Medication is vegetables, not dessert! I would have a primary focus on finding a competent doctor.

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Refusing to treat you...seems pretty not good for someone you are paying to jolly well treat you.

OTOH, I'd prefer you not overdose or wreck vehicles either.  But I'm thinking withdrawing treatment ...might be more likely to result in crazy, than less.

(i further recommend you only bite nurses in a consensual and appreciated manner. )

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(i further recommend you only bite nurses in a consensual and appreciated manner. )

(smile) Stickler - In one of my worst manias I "clocked" (according to observer) a security guard in the locked unit. I have absolutely no memory of this happening. Zero. None. The security guard, on the other hand, remembered it quite clearly, judged it non-consensual and unappreciated. I spent one year in probation for a crime I had no memory having committed. Fortunately my sane behavior is exemplary and the probation officer judged me a reformed citizen and I was never convicted of a crime and have no record. But I really wish that I remember having clocked the guard. If I had to suffer for having done it at least I could have remembered a 5'0" patient clocking a 6' guard.

Kelsey - I hope that you respect the intensity of your experience, appreciate the fact that very few other people will do so, and give yourself time to heal and permission to make up your own mind.

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