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im starting to hate someone who has done a lot for me...


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so i have a friend who has for the most part been good to me... i think. we were more like dating but i never called it like that because i didnt like him as much as he liked me. but we slept together and all that stuff for all 4 years in college and we had a long distance sort of thing after that. anyway, i can be pretty unsure of myself and so when i needed a pick me up from hanging out with my badly chosen so called friends, he would be there to tell me they were bitches anyway. the thing was, i feel like i let him to all the work in terms of the insecurities i was feeling. i should have relied more on myself for these kind of things. ever have someone you used too much as a crutch when you were ailing sort of? 

he's very sure of himself, which has served him well and has even made him successful. as an african american male, this sureness has especially served him well in my opinion. he isnt easily put down, especially not when racial things come up which do pretty often when you are trying to excel in academia. and this confidence even makes him attractive - its what made me drawn to him. but, it has also been my downfall i realize. i never challenged myself to think for myself and to challenge him on some of the concepts he's tried to lecture me on, especially those concerning on who i am as a person. thats what bugs me the most, that he's so quick to label me because of what i believe is his confidence in his ability to do so. and i feel like its put me at a disadvantage now. i didnt look to myself for answers, instead relying on his lecturing to tell me who i am and when im being socially acceptable and appropriate. it really hurts that he didnt foster more confidence in myself and makes me feel like maybe he didnt care for me as much as i had originally thought. so now, i habor a lot of anger and i feel like im growing to hate him

im sure my problems dont stem just from this relationship and that its been a long time coming, but im starting to hate what the relationship was. is this normal? is this justified? have you ever experienced this?

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Well, when someone condescends to you, it not only makes you feel bad, it makes you harbor negative feelings towards the person who condescended. It's funny, because it sounds like you are both "in control" of different aspects of the relationship.

Would it be difficult to talk to him about this? I mean, I know it would be difficult, but do you feel capable of doing it? Maybe if he knew he was hurting your *long* friendship, he would stop and think before he opens his mouth.

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Well, when someone condescends to you, it not only makes you feel bad, it makes you harbor negative feelings towards the person who condescended. It's funny, because it sounds like you are both "in control" of different aspects of the relationship.

Would it be difficult to talk to him about this? I mean, I know it would be difficult, but do you feel capable of doing it? Maybe if he knew he was hurting your *long* friendship, he would stop and think before he opens his mouth.

yeah, i emailed him. i feel like its hard to do this by phone. but yeah, thats a good way of putting it crtclms, we're actually in control in different aspects. we'll see what he says

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