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Last week tdoc diagnosed me with PTSD.

I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed and confused by all of it right now.  It's hard for me to read anything long lately- seems like I have no concentration. But I've tried to research it.

I just feeling like I lived in denial for a long time, and that worked so well.  But now I can't seem to go back to denial, and I miss it. Can anybody relate?

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I totally miss my denial at times. It comes and goes in circles. When I'm in denial I tend to hate it but, confronted with the fact that I got hurt that badly - enough to make me crazy - then all I want is denial. After all, life would be so much easier if it hadn't happened.

 

I'm sorry that it's so overwhelming and confusing. The most important thing is that you are still you! You're still who you were before being dx'd.

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Definitely...

I spent a lot of time pretending things didn't affect me. And now I can't shove it back into the boxes it came out of anymore.

I guess the good part is that I'm making peace with it... long and tedious though it is for me.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I can definitely relate. I was just diagnosed as well. I'm trying hard not to freak out. Part of me is like, okay, well now I'm acknowledging it, I can get on with dealing with it, but the rest of me desperately wants to go back to pushing everything back down and pretending nothing happened and pretending I'm not affected. I think the ship has sailed on that one, though.  

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Longshadows- I think that sounds like a very healthy response, to see that the advantage of acknowledging it is being able to deal with it. I hope things are going ok for you. 

Rosie- I've been focusing on doing things I find comforting, like coloring, taking baths, and sewing. And I think denial is still a huge part of how I cope.  Like refusing to use terms other people use for the kinds of experiences I've had, and just calling them "bad things that happened a long time ago" or something like that. The hardest thing I'm dealing with right now is bodily sensations.  I haven't talked much to tdoc about this because it is too embarrassing.  I did write part of it in a note I gave him, and he seemed to take it in stride. I'd appreciate hearing your story anytime, Rosie.

 

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