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I feel so confused, and not because I'm new


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Hi, I am new to this site and I just wanted to ask a question and explain my current situation.

so, I am really confused about my state of mind, I don't think I have any mental illnesses, or any worrying issues overall. I know I get anxiety, but everyone does, I know I get panic attacks sometimes but they are very rare and only happen when I'm totally alone and I have only had one in front of parents and one in school. I have stress, but so does everyone, I get stress pains a lot though, but other than this my life is fine, my parents are happily (most of the time) married, I am an only child (so I get attention), there isn't any worrying financial problems (we're not minted but were happy), I am doing well at school (I hope so), I have friends I can depend on and I have no problems with them. I just want some advice.

Recently I have felt different, and I have had a few moments were I have cried for no reason, I also feel my personality has been changing, influenced mainly by my mood, for example, I can imagine myself, in the very near future, but each time it's different, which isn't unusual, my mood can change very easily, which again isn't unusual at all. But I find myself just wondering around my house thinking what I'm going to say, but I don't know who, sometimes I end up talking to somebody that isn't there subconsciously, I also hear future conversations in my head, and I find my self moving my hands, interacting with things that aren't there, I also get outrageous impulses, and visualise myself doing outrageous, bad things, but I don't understand why. I also switch personalities, for example, I speak to people and think of them differently as I would normally do, sometimes I'm just reckless with my words and what I say but other times I choose my words very carefully. I also get paranoid quite easily, when I whisper or try to talk quietly I feel like everyone can hear me. 

i also get weird memories that are very clear, especially ones from when I was very young, which always confuse me.

This problem I have always had is trouble sleeping, nevermind always being terrified of the dark. 2 years ago I didn't sleep until the morning, as it was too dark; I used to imagine people were crowding around me watching me sleep, all the way through high school I have always needed the light in the bathroom on, and only now am I turning it off (sometimes) I know it's stupid.

Now, I have been having stress problems, I stress the worst when I don't have anything to stress about; like I am doing something wrong because I'm not stressing, and then I stress about that.

Another problem I have had recently, is over thinking to many things, for example, questioning myself 'what is the definition of life?', 'why are we here?', 'why do we find other humans attractive, we have holes in our faces and things that stick out?!?!' , I also have a very in depth conversation in my mind, creating clever metaphors and definitions for things.

I know it all sounds odd, but I want to know what has been happening to me recently, it's like I'm a different person, and my whole existence is unrealistic, or I'm living in a world were everyone around me is secretly watching me, and has been my whole life, and I feel like I don't know what I'm doing with anything. Is anyone else experiencing this? Thanks for reading, I apologise for it being so long.

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I would recommend talking with a counselor or therapist...it might help you figure some things out. But, if the counselor makes you feel uncomfortable, find another one. Took me years to find someone I can trust and has patience with me.

Edited by Manuel
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