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Well I not long ago finished my second session with my new psychiatrist and he revised my diagnosis from schizoid PD to borderline PD ( added in chronic PTSD and upgraded my OCD to severe).

I don't know how to feel about this, I'm the very picture of a schizoid I mean I have BPD traits but I didn't think them bad enough for a diagnosis to be made.

Ultimately I know its just a label but now I have to figure out what it means to me.

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Some thoughts..  perhaps your outward presentation is typical of schizoid but due to primarily BPD issues that your Pdoc can see now they've got to know you better? 

Perhaps you're one of the 'quiet' borderlines, the introverted ones that 'act inward'?
 

Hope that helps maybe..

Apple

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Well I am an antisocial introvert.

I think part of my problem is that I have known two borderlines in my life and both were stereotypical borderlines so this is the image I have in my mind.

Time for more research I think.

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I know what you mean, when I first looked into BPD I was like.. I'm not this sociable or wild..  But now I'm pretty convinced I'm one of the quiet borderlines. 
You gotta think tho, depending on which diagnostic criteria you look at theres maybe about 10 traits associated with BPD, but you only have to have a certain number of them to qualify for a diagnosis, so there's a huge number of combinations of traits you can have, that means not all borderline people are going to be the same.

Anyway, enough rambling from me, maybe once you look into 'quiet borderline' you might feel more comfortable with your diagnosis, if not.. there's always room for a second opinion.

 

Apple

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm sort of in the middle (as in, not entirely "quiet" but not in-your-face either) and people often tell me "you can't be bordeline, you don't rage enough" or "you seem too nice to be borderline" or whatever, but...

 

Well, borderline is really about how you feel, not how you act, so you have to pay attention to what's going on inside, not just what happens on the outside. If you have really intense, highly variable negative emotions that are difficult to control, that's basically what borderline actually "means", AFAIK.

 

(And I actually do start raging etc. if you put me on the wrong meds (particularly "activating" ones)...)

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I tend to disagree with the above, that borderline is entirely based on how you feel. A personality, disordered or not, has far more aspects to it than just feelings. 

For me, I basically feel nothing. I have always felt pretty much nothing, besides depression, which is entirely separate. So my diagnosis was and still is based on mostly how I act, and think, and view life. 

I would be one of the "quiet" borderlines about 80% of the time. Barely anyone knows I exist, but I choose to be that way. The other 20% of the time is only if someone brings up something I am passionate about, don't understand or is a traumatic memory/was trauma.

In fact I don't necessarily believe I have BPD, I think that my symptoms actually come from my C-PTSD. However because all of the psychs I have spoken to in the last 5 years have had virtually no interest in me, I have yet to find that out, it just makes more sense to me. 

Anyways, good luck with coming to terms with your diagnosis and learning about it/yourself. 

Edited by Hopelessly Broken
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I don't think borderline is a personality disorder. Research has shown you can't reliably predict many particular behaviours, preferences, etc. from a BPD diagnosis, while you can with other PDs.

 

In addition, a NAMI brochure states: "Some experts believe that the condition is not a personality disorder but should instead be classified akin to other serious conditions like bipolar disorder."

 

And to illustrate what I mean, one symptom is:

- Extreme, unstable moods (such as depression, anxiety, irritability)

 

And only three BPD symptoms call for specific behaviours:

- Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment

- Impulsive, dangerous/harmful behaviours

- Self-harming behaviours

 

Of these, the first is one possible behavioural manifestation of an extreme fear of rejection (a common human feeling), and the second and third are likewise strongly associated with extreme mood (and also depression/bipolar--the mood disorders). In other words, they're all just behaviours which might indicate certain strong feelings.

And the other five criteria are:

- Unstable relationships

- Poorly developed sense of identity

- Chronic feelings of emptiness

- Inappropriate anger or irritability

- Dissociation and/or paranoia under stress

 

Here we run into more obvious overlap.

The first is described in terms of splitting, or idealisation/devaluation--in other words, extreme feelings directed toward others.

The second has been found in research not to show up in behaviour (goals and preferences are about as stable in a borderline patient as in any psych patient) instead being a subjective feeling, strongly associated with feelings of emptiness (read below).

The third has been found in research to be almost synonymous with hopelessness and loneliness. In other words, it indicates the feeling of depression, again. It seems to be more particularly a lack of fulfillment in life.

The fourth is just the irritability criterion being counted twice, really blatantly. Because people with BPD are defined by their difficulty or something.

The fifth is really more like two criteria. Dissociation is common with the stress of extreme depression and/or anxiety, especially in those with a history of trauma, which is common in BPD. The second is actually just the relationship issue again--when you think very negative things about people you also get suspicious of them.

 

Not mentioned are overt psychotic symptoms, which are common in BPD. And also, again, in mood disorders.

 

In summary, every BPD symptom can be seen as a reflection of dysregulated feelings, and few actually describe any particular behaviour.

Edited by frequency
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Yes but there is also distorted thinking and actions, whether it/they are reliant on emotional state or not. For me, they aren't 80% of the time, I do them (behaviours) solely based on my thinking. Kind of hard to do something based on emotion when you have none. I am different, however, in that most borderline people are not like me and behave based on emotion. 

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I actually (used to) feel nothing a lot of the time too. It was bad enough that for years everyone was telling me I was depressed and I just denied it, because I didn't FEEL depressed.

 

Now I tend to assume my thoughts and actions are based on emotions I'm just not always able to (consciously) recognise. Sort of like someone being asleep but still moving around to stay comfortable, without even being awake to realise they are uncomfortable.

 

Maybe it's different for you though.

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Like I said, I don't even necessarily believe I have BPD at all, because that emotional dysregulation seems to be a must have, and not in the form of not being able to feel. 

Its also a symptom of C-PTSD, but with C-PTSD, affect dysregulation can and often does include apathy and decreased ability to feel. Hence why I only believe I have C-PTSD. 

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