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I feel so proud of myself.

Today I walked into the foyer of the theater, crossed the room, grabbed a session timetable and th then calmly left.

I was so nervous, had my jaw clenched tightly and felt like everyone was watching me but I did it and I didn't freek out!!!!

I know it's only a small step but it's a step forward.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I was talking about this with my therapist and mentioned that I felt like taking a P2 mask with me to wear while I'm watching the movie (when I eventually go) and she smiled and said that the staff might find that a little disturbing and call the police.

so now I have to talk myself out of wearing the mask, it was hard enough to talk myself out of nitrile gloves.

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I'm freaking out! I decided to just throw myself in the deep end, rip off the bandaid and go.

I'm hot and sweaty, shaky and I can't breath properly.

I want to run away, hide somewhere and hyperventilate but I'm not going to!!!

I am strong.

I can do this.

(repeated over and over in my head)

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well I'm extremely anxious, feel nauseous and am fighting the urge to run and find a doctor and beg them to give me antibiotics or just kill myself because I'm probably going to die as a result anyway (irrational I know) but I survived the experience and the following days will be crucial.

I know this was s big step but right now I'm regretting it, I wish I didn't go.

I can't breath properly.

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