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"Hysterical" female

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My name is Stevee, I am a borderline who is having a hard time with recovery. I Live in New Orleans, I can't hold a real job and love drinking and getting into fights. I feel like I have a demon inside me, it makes me doubt my life, and my relationships. I'm currently hitchioking through Central Asia, currently in Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan. completely out of my mind, learning russian, feeling like a pariah. I feed off of danger. I am paranoid that my lovers, friends and family are going to leave me. I self medicate. I have been to a therapist once but quit after she told me I was too difficult to treat. My life is really fast, I like punk rock and drugs, trying to work out my triggers and how to stop the borderline spiral before it starts. I feel like a narcissistic asshole all the time. Ego absorbed. Like I don't deserve help. Nice to meet ya'll

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