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Hi everyone, this is my first post here. So about seven months ago I had my first episode of psychosis during my junior year at the university after heavy psychedelic use. I was tripping about 3 times a week for a month, I was using dmt, lots of mushrooms, lsd and morning glory seeds.  The symptoms started slowly at first but progressed rather fast once they got started.  At first I had thought blocking, which is where I would be talking about something and my thoughts would go blank mid sentence. I also kept my iPod on shuffle and thought God was sending messages to me through the songs that came on. I started to have superstitions about certain colors of cars or the cloths people were wearing. I started thinking about things before they happened and seeing 222, 333, 444, and other repeating numbers in random places and when I looked at the time.  What started next, was I started feeling things that weren't there, was convinced I was the antichrist or someone similar to Jesus, and thought I was possessed my a demon. Then came the hallucinations, they started as just objects in the outside world moving and breathing and then they turned into "internal" visions where I would see things in my head like animals, faces, patterns, and vivid scenes that went along with my paranoid thoughts.  Anyways I spent a week at the psych floor at my local hospital. Got put on risperidol, and went off of it and the symptoms got worse. And I thought people could read my mind and other language based delusions. Thanks to my loving parents I ended up getting on invega and it took about a month for it to fully take effect.  I've been delusion and hallucination free for the past four moths but I've been battling pretty bad depression for the past month or two. It gets rough sometimes but I have a really good doctor and cognitive behavioral therapist I can rely on.  The only thing that keeps me going are lots of cigarettes, good music, and how much my parents love me. Anyways, thanks for reading. I hope to contribute more to this forum. The rabbit hole goes deep.

Edited by Phunkyterrapin

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Hello and thanks for your post. Your psychosis sounds a lot like mine. Especially the songs containing messages for you. I am glad you are doing better. I have read that drugs can cause psychosis, and have often wondered why. Good that your parents are so loving and supportive. That makes all the difference. Hope to see you on the boards. 

Edited by SchizoHH

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Yeah, thinking songs had hidden meanings was the last delusion to go. And I still find myself doing it again sometimes, but I catch myself and reason my way out of it.  And yeah, I sometimes wonder why the drugs brought out my mental illness when they did, but I'll never know.  I do know that powerfull hallucinogens can induce a "temporary" state of psychosis at high doses in normal people, but it normally goes away when the drug wears off.  

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Hi everyone, this is my first post here. So about seven months ago I had my first episode of psychosis during my junior year at the university after heavy psychedelic use. I was tripping about 3 times a week for a month, I was using dmt, lots of mushrooms, lsd and morning glory seeds.  The symptoms started slowly at first but progressed rather fast once they got started.  At first I had thought blocking, which is where I would be talking about something and my thoughts would go blank mid sentence. I also kept my iPod on shuffle and thought God was sending messages to me through the songs that came on. I started to have superstitions about certain colors of cars or the cloths people were wearing. I started thinking about things before they happened and seeing 222, 333, 444, and other repeating numbers in random places and when I looked at the time.  What started next, was I started feeling things that weren't there, was convinced I was the antichrist or someone similar to Jesus, and thought I was possessed my a demon. Then came the hallucinations, they started as just objects in the outside world moving and breathing and then they turned into "internal" visions where I would see things in my head like animals, faces, patterns, and vivid scenes that went along with my paranoid thoughts.  Anyways I spent a week at the psych floor at my local hospital. Got put on risperidol, and went off of it and the symptoms got worse. And I thought people could read my mind and other language based delusions. Thanks to my loving parents I ended up getting on invega and it took about a month for it to fully take effect.  I've been delusion and hallucination free for the past four moths but I've been battling pretty bad depression for the past month or two. It gets rough sometimes but I have a really good doctor and cognitive behavioral therapist I can rely on.  The only thing that keeps me going are lots of cigarettes, good music, and how much my parents love me. Anyways, thanks for reading. I hope to contribute more to this forum. The rabbit hole goes deep.

Hi, nice to meet you. Your psychosis also sounds a lot like mine - especially the numbers, getting messages through songs and people reading my thoughts.

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Welcome to CB!

I can relate to things you've gone through, especially the music and people talking in it to me, and the reading my mind.  That is great you've been delusion and hallucination free for the past 4 months!

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This also sound familiar, although mine wasn't drug induced. I've had thought blocks and visual distortions, the floor has seemed to move like a conveyor belt and markings in walls or patterns in wooden surfaces have moved about. I've had delusions that I've been watched and I'm being monitored by the government with cameras. Thankfully though now with medication my delusions are gone, haven't have a thought block for quite some time and distortions are down although I still get things like black and bright white spots in my vision. Those months gone haven't felt real. They think it's probably psychotic depression and maybe it's connected to asperger's syndrome.

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^^Mine wasn't drug-induced either ... but what I experienced was a lot like what OP said.

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This also sound familiar, although mine wasn't drug induced. I've had thought blocks and visual distortions, the floor has seemed to move like a conveyor belt and markings in walls or patterns in wooden surfaces have moved about. I've had delusions that I've been watched and I'm being monitored by the government with cameras. Thankfully though now with medication my delusions are gone, haven't have a thought block for quite some time and distortions are down although I still get things like black and bright white spots in my vision. Those months gone haven't felt real. They think it's probably psychotic depression and maybe it's connected to asperger's syndrome.

i know exactly what you are talking about when you say it looks like a conveyor belt.  My pdoc lowered my invega dose because he thought it may be causing my depression and anxiety. I started seeing things moving like a conveyor belt and patterns in woodgrain. It kinda looked like the wood was flowing like water. The doc says I may have schizoaffective, so I can definately relate to psychotic depression. It's nothing I'd wish on my worst enemy. It's good you're doing better though. 

Edited by Phunkyterrapin
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You seem like a pretty cool person because of your insights into the things you are thankful for.  I hope your recovery continues so that you are free of depression also. 

I suffered a severe psychosis last year that ended with me in the hospital last winter and I've been experiencing depression also.  So I can relate.  Personally, I think the antipsychotics cause depression because the docs kind of panic when somebody is psychotic and they tend to put us on such high doses.  I always need my medication lowered but the docs are afraid to do it.  But here it is 7 months later and they FINALLY lowered my medication this past week.  7 months of med-induced depression. 

 

So anyways, keep fighting the good fight.  Hopefully the invega is better than risperdal.  Risperal messed me up bad.  I'm on Haldol now, which is also pretty harsh in some ways.  Anyways, good luck.  I feel for you.  So sorry that the shamanic explorations messed you up.  But you are smart to realise the causes. 

Edited by Nystagmus

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Yeah when I went off my meds I was on risperidol.  So yeah, I don't mess with that stuff. And hopefully I won't experience any of the negative side effects of invega. And yeah, the shamanic lifestyle led me down an interesting path.  I dropped out of my classes half way through the semester and started meditating quite a few hours a day. I was also a practicing Wiccan and was using divination tools and doing some pretty complex and far out magic before I got on meds.  Thankfully I'm done with that lifestyle and trying to reintegrate back into society and dealing with many existential problems because I basicly dropped all my magical thinking and many of my religious beliefs.  But yeah, depression is no joke. When it hits it hits hard.

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Yeah when I went off my meds I was on risperidol.  So yeah, I don't mess with that stuff. And hopefully I won't experience any of the negative side effects of invega. And yeah, the shamanic lifestyle led me down an interesting path.  I dropped out of my classes half way through the semester and started meditating quite a few hours a day. I was also a practicing Wiccan and was using divination tools and doing some pretty complex and far out magic before I got on meds.  Thankfully I'm done with that lifestyle and trying to reintegrate back into society and dealing with many existential problems because I basicly dropped all my magical thinking and many of my religious beliefs.  But yeah, depression is no joke. When it hits it hits hard.

Totally agree with you about depression. BBefore I experienced I thought it was kind of bullshit. Then after an episode all I could think was Jesus Christ this is hell. 

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Yeah when I went off my meds I was on risperidol.  So yeah, I don't mess with that stuff. And hopefully I won't experience any of the negative side effects of invega. And yeah, the shamanic lifestyle led me down an interesting path.  I dropped out of my classes half way through the semester and started meditating quite a few hours a day. I was also a practicing Wiccan and was using divination tools and doing some pretty complex and far out magic before I got on meds.  Thankfully I'm done with that lifestyle and trying to reintegrate back into society and dealing with many existential problems because I basicly dropped all my magical thinking and many of my religious beliefs.  But yeah, depression is no joke. When it hits it hits hard.

Totally agree with you about depression. BBefore I experienced I thought it was kind of bullshit. Then after an episode all I could think was Jesus Christ this is hell. 

^^Agreed.

I'm glad you are reintegrating back into real life.  It can be hard and scary and take time doing when leaving everything behind, but in the end it is worth it.  There is always hope out there to get you through.  It gets easier every day.

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Phunky Terrapin your experiences are interesting. It's great to see that you have started to plant your feet back on the ground. Those life experiences you had may hold value for you later on in life, but it sounds like you were grappling with things that aren't very relevent for the life you're living now. It takes some serious courage to do a 180 and be sceptical of magic thinking.

Magic thinking is incredibly easy to do especially if we have a knack for it (like psychosis/mental illness). It has some value in passing over certain life events, like when we ask why something happened and there is no explaination. It can give us peace of mind. Ultimately though, when it comes to surviving in the modern world it needs to be curbed tremendously. We can't apply magical thinking when filing our taxes, or getting to work on time. Does that make sense?

If you ever feel guilt or a sense of emptiness for leaving behind your old paradigm, remember. You are inventing your own way now and it will take some time to develop the internal mechanisms to approach certain challenges that show up. So I've found it is incredibly important to be patient with myself :). Maybe you will too.

And yes, depression is a four letter word!

Anyways, glad to see you here and getting better. Best wishes brother.

Edited by RoadToRecovery2

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