So I've been with my boyfriend on and off for almost 5 years. I want to love him I really do, I want to have a good relationship. But we don't even have sex. I'm 21 years old, almost 22. I still love with my mom and I suffer from depression. I'm worried I'll fall into a spiral of depression like I did the last time we broke up and I almost committed suicide. It would be so much easier if I had someone to talk to to tell me it would all be fine and i will find somebody else who makes me way more happy. Honestly I don't remember when my life was somewhat normal. I work 50,000 times harder then my boyfriend. I actually make decent money and I'm going places and being recognized for things I do. Where as my boyfriend hasn't worked in months, he just now got a job that pays him an average amount of money. For a man I think it's shit pay. My dad and all the men in my family basically except my mom side. Work super hard for their cash. My dads side is very traditional in that sense. So the fact that I'm dating a low life is very concerning. I have cheated and we broke up then got back together a few times. We have got in raging fights etc I've thrown things. Clearly very unhealthy. I used to be much happier. I wish I had friends. My only friend is my mom and him. It's very depressing. Right now I'm on a very low dose of escitalopram. Which helps a bit and my job definitely helps but I don't have a good support system at home. I miss having friends and a supportive boyfriend. I don't know how to help this situation. Or maybe I do and I just need some encouragement. Any advice? Anyone been through something similar? No judgment please. If I want judgment I'll go to Yahoo answers... lol thanks in advance ??
photo is from when we first started dating maybe less than I year in.
Is it ok to not have any friends?
I haven't had any friends since I was 11-12 yo (20 years ago.) One person told me I can't be healthy without having any friends, my sister said it's not normal to not have friends, and my recent counselor told me, "Do you want to stay how you are (without friends) or get better?" (Implying I'm sick or unhealthy due to not having friends). I have not been friendless by choice BTW- I had a lot of social anxiety when I was in school (and now) and I avoided my peers. It's only now, at 31, that I am trying to make friend(s) at the place I volunteer at.