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body memory? how to cope?


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I'm pretty new to understanding all this stuff, so I apologize if other threads here already explain this.

I don't know if what I've been feeling is a body memory, and if so, what to do about it.

I've been feeling this pain and pressure, in a private area, inside me. Makes me feel gross. It doesn't correspond to any actual memory I have, like I don't remember anything specific being done to me that would have caused this. I tried to go for a run to distract myself, but it got worse and then I had no good mental distraction available because I was alone in the woods.  I couldn't stand it anymore so I ended up punching my temple repeatedly and biting my hand. I'm ashamed to admit that because I like to think I no longer self-harm. But it worked and I felt better.

So- do you think this is a body memory? What other suggestions do you have to make it go away?

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We talk about that here if you want to check it out. Generally speaking I go for alternate sensations. For example last night it felt like I was being burned again so I fell asleep holding a frozen gel pack (which warmed up far more quickly than I'd have anticipated, which I suppose lends some credence to the 'theory' that something was going on). <= And this is entirely my own inability to take my body seriously.

Edited by WinterRosie
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Sorry if this is too gross....

 

 

Before I had visual memories, would feel disgusting and slimy...this was coupled with an ache that...well, I felt like I had been punched in the cervix, basically.

More recently...when I remembered being a human party favor, I had an involuntary orgasm.  It was pretty revolting to have that happen from the memory.

...they pass in a few hours, for me.

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Thanks very much for the replies.

Stickler- your answer helps me feel less gross.  It's so hard to write about because it's hard to use accurate words for parts of my body. But here goes- I feel aroused by this. I feel pressure on my anus and inside and it feels good. And I think about that man in that room with Little Girl. All I remember is that man taking Little Girl to the room, like an office. Down a long hallway in the basement of our church.  And then he stood in front of Little Girl and unzipped his pants. When I think about it now I feel sick and gross and aroused all at the same time.

And the sensation in my body keeps happening, like for a couple days now. I wish it would stop. Biting my hand really hard makes it stop sometimes. But it comes back. And this is horrible I know- but sometimes I masturbate to try to make it stop. But it doesn't really help. I'm so ashamed but I just feel like I have to write this to try to get out it out my head.

 

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I get that feeling too. I've done some pretty cruel things to poor body (hence the name - it keeps bearing pain because crazy) trying to make it go away. Alternate sensations do sometimes help. I've heard of keeping sex toys in the freezer, for example, so they can reach where you need them to.

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